20 People Share Their Experiences About Dating Someone Much Older Or Younger
People who were in relationships with someone significantly older or younger talk about their experiences.
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While we know and accept that relationships take work, today we want to explore what the experience is like for couples with a significant age-gap. One Redditor posted the question, “Couples with a large age difference: how is it different and what kinds of issues do you face?”
From having to deal with different generational influences, to priorities, to traditions, to limited shared interests not forgetting the social stigma and judgement from society, folks got candid with their experiences. Scroll below to read all about the complications of dating someone outside your age range.
More info: Reddit
Image source: weswes43, Mikhail Nilov
I dated a 34 year old at 17. I regretted it. In hindsight, he was too immature to get someone his age.
Image source: oldfrenchwhore, Karolina Grabowska
I (female) am 40 and my wife is 29. The main difference is that I am very jaded and cynical and she’s more like a wide-eyed excitable puppy. It’s a nice contrast though, brings me out of my existential funk.
Image source: AbbyJensen, MART PRODUCTION
My friend’s mom was 28 when she married a man who was 82. They didn’t think they would be able to get pregnant but evidentially they could. Husband died 4 years later at 86, leaving her a single mom. Besides that, they had huge issues on both sides. The dad’s other children (in their 50s!) claimed new wife just wanted his money. The mom’s family believed that this man was a cult-leader type and was luring her into an unhealthy relationship.
All in all, a bad idea.
Image source: timetoloseitagain, PNW Production
I’m 29, my Husband is 50. We don’t have any issues. We have a 4.5 year old Son. Life is good. Edit to add, we’ve been together 6 years.
Image source: withbellson, Nathan Dumlao
13-year difference, he’s older. We started dating when I was 29 and he was 42. Been together 9 years, married for 5, one kid. Honestly, it’s not really about the numbers but about having compatible levels of utter immaturity (we suit each other well on that regard).
However, one thing that’s been coming up lately is he’s planning for a hopefully early retirement at 57, and even if I end up being able to retire early as well, 19 years is a lot further away than 6…
Image source: Croco-nut, RDNE Stock project
Image source: sutree1, Andre Furtado
Im 47. My last girlfriend was 19. We faced endless judgement about our age difference. Typically, I was seen as a near predator, she was perceived as either a gold digger or a victim. Her family couldn’t accept it, we broke up despite loving each other.
My new girlfriend is (a young looking) 61. Everyone sees it as perfectly fine, good for her. I’m seen as a more mature man for dating her. Funny how the perspectives shift.
In both cases, it was her personality that attracted me despite the age difference.
Judgy people can kiss my middle-aged a*s.
Image source: tacobae91, Esther Ann
Mom and Dad. Mom was 26 when she met him. He was 65.
People thought my dad was a predator and that my mom was a gold digger. But that was not what I saw at home. My parents loved each other pretty much.
I have an older brother on my dad’s side, who is in his 60s. He did not have a hard time accepting us but his wife did, because my dad would help them financially. When my dad got married to my mom, she said that it was a mistake because he wouldn’t give them any more money because he would spend it on us…
Image source: Anal-Buns, Adam Kontor
I’m 34 and my SO is 23.
Started dating almost 2 years. First it started as a “we like each other, but..”. Honestly, the first month I was quite reluctant because of the age gap. But we had, and are still having, really fun despite the age difference
Started looking different at her after one month. I went on a holiday visiting my brother who lived abroad. He was a landlord at a house and rented out rooms to interns. Lots of girls/people over there were also around her age and I noticed she was much more mature and fun to be with!
After 4 months we went official and it’s still going good. Sometimes I see my own behavior when I was at her age. If I can relate to my own experience I know how to act. And sometimes we just have to be patient at each other. We both know there can be different perspectives. But there is nothing we can’t handle!
She often ask me for help and advice. For me she calms me down. I completely trust her and if I start to stress out, she is there for me. I lost a lot of my patience after I became ill last year. Because of a chronic illness, I went from energetic to chronic tired. I became more forgetful and changed a lot. Yet there she is! Helping me and calming me down when I become emotional or start stressing out!
I believe and feel happy about the fact that most of our priorities are on the same level. There aren’t much differences in things we like, prefer and how we like to spend time with each other!
What also helped me a little bit was the age difference between my parents. Which was more then 12 years.
The biggest issue IMO?
I am far more realistic. According to her sometimes pessimistic.
We look different at money, cleaning and dependency. Sometimes I like to be on my own and if something needs to be done I barely ask for her help. Although that sounds more like a characteristic then something that has to do with an age gap
God I love her!
Image source: lapandemonium, Quintin Gellar
When I was 30, I started dating a woman that was 46. She was super hot, and very immature. [Making love] was great, but I felt like the adult all the time. I was constantly telling her not to do stupid things (like a parent). She would close the bars with her 19 year old daughter, and constantly wind up in bad situations. Idk, it was hell.
Image source: cherrycoke00, Thomas Ward
I dated a 30 y/o at 19. Not much was different. His friends picked on him for dating a college girl, but also gave him major props. It was a little harder to get his female friends to like me, mostly because the guys called them “old and weathered” when I was around (much to my dismay).
My friends thought it was weird at first. They had a hard time understanding why I didn’t want to date boys our age that didn’t have stable jobs or income, still smoked pot all afternoon, and were terrible in bed. I didn’t understand why they liked spending time with people like that.
All in all, I love dating older guys. Not “old” but late 20’s/early 30’s. They’re more cultured- down to go to the ballet, try weird ethnic food, share a nice bottle of whiskey by a fire, etc. than someone still in college. Plus they’re typically much better in bed as they gain experience. The only weird part was helping my boyfriend with his resume. I was proofreading it and realized he graduated high school the same year I was in third grade. That was odd. Also some TV/music references he made I knew of but wasn’t alive for, which was also a little weird.
Image source: Moderatelyhollydazed, Jonas Leupe
My husband and I are 8 years apart… does that count? I have never noticed any problems from it. I have had to teach him how to use an iPhone/computer etc but that’s cause he’s from a third world country and grew up without them, not because of his age.
Image source: -Swlabr, https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-and-woman-beside-wooden-hand-rail-beside-body-of-water-1121697/
I dated a lot of older men from age 17 onwards. Weirdly, a lot of them were actually too immature for me. When a 35-y.o. dates a 18-y.o. it’s highly likely the younger one will develop more and more whereas the older one is stuck in the same place forever.
If they always ONLY date younger girls, it’s a red flag in my experience. Those are the men that can’t get a woman their own age, mostly incompetent losers.
However I’ve recently dated a wonderful man. He hasn’t dated much younger before. He’s 31, I’m 20. Worked perfectly, we were on the exact same line in a lot of things.
Only thing is he wants kids – within now and 5 years. I don’t want kids. For at least another 10 years. So we had to unfortunatly stop dating. Guess issues like that are most common.
Image source: Epoeb, Candice Picard
Im 25 my husband is 44 we never notice the age gap it’s irrelevant
Image source: William_Shetland, Greta Hoffman
My grandma married a man who was 25 years her senior. They had 3 daughters and stayed together until his death in ’96. She never remarried.
Image source: No1butme23, Gustavo Fring
My friend is 27 and her boyfriend is 50+. She has a difficult time connecting to his daughter, who is 24, because they are so close in age. This is because she is almost like a step mom but the age of a friend.
Image source: kisses-n-kinks, Tan Danh
My husband is 10 years older than me, but because I tend to be more mature for my age and him less so, it feels like we meet in the middle and the age difference really isn’t a factor. We do worry a bit more about the prospect of having kids as he doesn’t want to be 60 when our kids graduate high school like his father was, but that’s about it. We’ve also gotten some funny responses to people finding out about our age difference- I’ll never forget the story about a woman commenting to my husband that I was a “child bride, like back in the war” when she found out I was 18 when we got hitched.
Image source: Jerrrdin, https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-holding-man-s-hand-3585811/
I started dating my boyfriend when he was 28 and I was 20. The first few years were a struggle because we were at different points in our lives. I wanted to party a lot more than he did. We split for a few months, but came to the realization that we did want to make it work and be together. (It’s honestly disgusting how perfect we are for each other despite the age difference.) We’ve been together for almost seven years and everything’s great now. I feel like he’s made me mature quite a bit faster than I would have dating someone my own age, and I’ve made him a more relaxed and go with the flow type of person. We had a lot of fights in the beginning, but those fights have made both of us better communicators. I’m grateful for the fights and that we were able to get through them because they helped to build the strong relationship we have now. An eight year difference now (me 26f and him 34m) isn’t too much of a big deal, but being 20 and 28 had it’s rough spots in terms of him having more life experience and me wanting to learn and figure things out for myself.
Image source: EtteCutie, RDNE Stock project
Most of my past relationships have been with older men, with the biggest age difference being about 8 years.
I was drawn to the maturity of them, and (inb4 daddy issues) having an older male figure in my life, which made me feel protected & secure.
However, with that said maturity, I found that I sometimes had a hard time connecting & relating with them, and often found that they were very quick to move the relationship along (i.e. talking about marriage and kids) when I wasn’t at that stage yet.
I’m now dating someone closer to my age which I think is more suited to me.
Image source: Water_Vole, Becca Tapert
I met my man when I was 34 and he was 19. We’ve been together just over seven years. Before him I had one boyfriend who was 8 years younger than me, and everyone else bar one was much older than me (up to 30 years older than me). My current man is much better than the others, but that’s because of the person he is, and not his age. We both “get” each other, in that we both need a lot of time apart as we’re both antisocial, and we are comfortable being apart from each other. I don’t think this is anything to do with age.
#1
Image source: weswes43, Mikhail Nilov
I dated a 34 year old at 17. I regretted it. In hindsight, he was too immature to get someone his age.
#2
Image source: oldfrenchwhore, Karolina Grabowska
I (female) am 40 and my wife is 29. The main difference is that I am very jaded and cynical and she’s more like a wide-eyed excitable puppy. It’s a nice contrast though, brings me out of my existential funk.
#3
Image source: AbbyJensen, MART PRODUCTION
My friend’s mom was 28 when she married a man who was 82. They didn’t think they would be able to get pregnant but evidentially they could. Husband died 4 years later at 86, leaving her a single mom. Besides that, they had huge issues on both sides. The dad’s other children (in their 50s!) claimed new wife just wanted his money. The mom’s family believed that this man was a cult-leader type and was luring her into an unhealthy relationship.
All in all, a bad idea.
#4
Image source: timetoloseitagain, PNW Production
I’m 29, my Husband is 50. We don’t have any issues. We have a 4.5 year old Son. Life is good. Edit to add, we’ve been together 6 years.
#5
Image source: withbellson, Nathan Dumlao
13-year difference, he’s older. We started dating when I was 29 and he was 42. Been together 9 years, married for 5, one kid. Honestly, it’s not really about the numbers but about having compatible levels of utter immaturity (we suit each other well on that regard).
However, one thing that’s been coming up lately is he’s planning for a hopefully early retirement at 57, and even if I end up being able to retire early as well, 19 years is a lot further away than 6…
#6
My husband is 18 years older than me and it’s worked fine for us. I’ve always been rather mature for my age and people near my own age have always seemed childish to me. Many of my close friends are older than my husband is. The only issues really are that some people may judge but I really don’t care if they do. More of an issue is that he may pass away some time before I do which is a thought which lurks in the back of my mind. Of course that can happen whatever age you or your partner are.
Image source: Croco-nut, RDNE Stock project
#7
Image source: sutree1, Andre Furtado
Im 47. My last girlfriend was 19. We faced endless judgement about our age difference. Typically, I was seen as a near predator, she was perceived as either a gold digger or a victim. Her family couldn’t accept it, we broke up despite loving each other.
My new girlfriend is (a young looking) 61. Everyone sees it as perfectly fine, good for her. I’m seen as a more mature man for dating her. Funny how the perspectives shift.
In both cases, it was her personality that attracted me despite the age difference.
Judgy people can kiss my middle-aged a*s.
#8
Image source: tacobae91, Esther Ann
Mom and Dad. Mom was 26 when she met him. He was 65.
People thought my dad was a predator and that my mom was a gold digger. But that was not what I saw at home. My parents loved each other pretty much.
I have an older brother on my dad’s side, who is in his 60s. He did not have a hard time accepting us but his wife did, because my dad would help them financially. When my dad got married to my mom, she said that it was a mistake because he wouldn’t give them any more money because he would spend it on us…
#9
Image source: Anal-Buns, Adam Kontor
I’m 34 and my SO is 23.
Started dating almost 2 years. First it started as a “we like each other, but..”. Honestly, the first month I was quite reluctant because of the age gap. But we had, and are still having, really fun despite the age difference
Started looking different at her after one month. I went on a holiday visiting my brother who lived abroad. He was a landlord at a house and rented out rooms to interns. Lots of girls/people over there were also around her age and I noticed she was much more mature and fun to be with!
After 4 months we went official and it’s still going good. Sometimes I see my own behavior when I was at her age. If I can relate to my own experience I know how to act. And sometimes we just have to be patient at each other. We both know there can be different perspectives. But there is nothing we can’t handle!
She often ask me for help and advice. For me she calms me down. I completely trust her and if I start to stress out, she is there for me. I lost a lot of my patience after I became ill last year. Because of a chronic illness, I went from energetic to chronic tired. I became more forgetful and changed a lot. Yet there she is! Helping me and calming me down when I become emotional or start stressing out!
I believe and feel happy about the fact that most of our priorities are on the same level. There aren’t much differences in things we like, prefer and how we like to spend time with each other!
What also helped me a little bit was the age difference between my parents. Which was more then 12 years.
The biggest issue IMO?
I am far more realistic. According to her sometimes pessimistic.
We look different at money, cleaning and dependency. Sometimes I like to be on my own and if something needs to be done I barely ask for her help. Although that sounds more like a characteristic then something that has to do with an age gap
God I love her!
#10
Image source: lapandemonium, Quintin Gellar
When I was 30, I started dating a woman that was 46. She was super hot, and very immature. [Making love] was great, but I felt like the adult all the time. I was constantly telling her not to do stupid things (like a parent). She would close the bars with her 19 year old daughter, and constantly wind up in bad situations. Idk, it was hell.
#11
Image source: cherrycoke00, Thomas Ward
I dated a 30 y/o at 19. Not much was different. His friends picked on him for dating a college girl, but also gave him major props. It was a little harder to get his female friends to like me, mostly because the guys called them “old and weathered” when I was around (much to my dismay).
My friends thought it was weird at first. They had a hard time understanding why I didn’t want to date boys our age that didn’t have stable jobs or income, still smoked pot all afternoon, and were terrible in bed. I didn’t understand why they liked spending time with people like that.
All in all, I love dating older guys. Not “old” but late 20’s/early 30’s. They’re more cultured- down to go to the ballet, try weird ethnic food, share a nice bottle of whiskey by a fire, etc. than someone still in college. Plus they’re typically much better in bed as they gain experience. The only weird part was helping my boyfriend with his resume. I was proofreading it and realized he graduated high school the same year I was in third grade. That was odd. Also some TV/music references he made I knew of but wasn’t alive for, which was also a little weird.
#12
Image source: Moderatelyhollydazed, Jonas Leupe
My husband and I are 8 years apart… does that count? I have never noticed any problems from it. I have had to teach him how to use an iPhone/computer etc but that’s cause he’s from a third world country and grew up without them, not because of his age.
#13
Image source: -Swlabr, https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-and-woman-beside-wooden-hand-rail-beside-body-of-water-1121697/
I dated a lot of older men from age 17 onwards. Weirdly, a lot of them were actually too immature for me. When a 35-y.o. dates a 18-y.o. it’s highly likely the younger one will develop more and more whereas the older one is stuck in the same place forever.
If they always ONLY date younger girls, it’s a red flag in my experience. Those are the men that can’t get a woman their own age, mostly incompetent losers.
However I’ve recently dated a wonderful man. He hasn’t dated much younger before. He’s 31, I’m 20. Worked perfectly, we were on the exact same line in a lot of things.
Only thing is he wants kids – within now and 5 years. I don’t want kids. For at least another 10 years. So we had to unfortunatly stop dating. Guess issues like that are most common.
#14
Image source: Epoeb, Candice Picard
Im 25 my husband is 44 we never notice the age gap it’s irrelevant
#15
Image source: William_Shetland, Greta Hoffman
My grandma married a man who was 25 years her senior. They had 3 daughters and stayed together until his death in ’96. She never remarried.
#16
Image source: No1butme23, Gustavo Fring
My friend is 27 and her boyfriend is 50+. She has a difficult time connecting to his daughter, who is 24, because they are so close in age. This is because she is almost like a step mom but the age of a friend.
#17
Image source: kisses-n-kinks, Tan Danh
My husband is 10 years older than me, but because I tend to be more mature for my age and him less so, it feels like we meet in the middle and the age difference really isn’t a factor. We do worry a bit more about the prospect of having kids as he doesn’t want to be 60 when our kids graduate high school like his father was, but that’s about it. We’ve also gotten some funny responses to people finding out about our age difference- I’ll never forget the story about a woman commenting to my husband that I was a “child bride, like back in the war” when she found out I was 18 when we got hitched.
#18
Image source: Jerrrdin, https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-holding-man-s-hand-3585811/
I started dating my boyfriend when he was 28 and I was 20. The first few years were a struggle because we were at different points in our lives. I wanted to party a lot more than he did. We split for a few months, but came to the realization that we did want to make it work and be together. (It’s honestly disgusting how perfect we are for each other despite the age difference.) We’ve been together for almost seven years and everything’s great now. I feel like he’s made me mature quite a bit faster than I would have dating someone my own age, and I’ve made him a more relaxed and go with the flow type of person. We had a lot of fights in the beginning, but those fights have made both of us better communicators. I’m grateful for the fights and that we were able to get through them because they helped to build the strong relationship we have now. An eight year difference now (me 26f and him 34m) isn’t too much of a big deal, but being 20 and 28 had it’s rough spots in terms of him having more life experience and me wanting to learn and figure things out for myself.
#19
Image source: EtteCutie, RDNE Stock project
Most of my past relationships have been with older men, with the biggest age difference being about 8 years.
I was drawn to the maturity of them, and (inb4 daddy issues) having an older male figure in my life, which made me feel protected & secure.
However, with that said maturity, I found that I sometimes had a hard time connecting & relating with them, and often found that they were very quick to move the relationship along (i.e. talking about marriage and kids) when I wasn’t at that stage yet.
I’m now dating someone closer to my age which I think is more suited to me.
#20
Image source: Water_Vole, Becca Tapert
I met my man when I was 34 and he was 19. We’ve been together just over seven years. Before him I had one boyfriend who was 8 years younger than me, and everyone else bar one was much older than me (up to 30 years older than me). My current man is much better than the others, but that’s because of the person he is, and not his age. We both “get” each other, in that we both need a lot of time apart as we’re both antisocial, and we are comfortable being apart from each other. I don’t think this is anything to do with age.DE
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