“Do I Hug Or Wave?”: 20 Social Norms And Cues That Cause Anxiety In People
Social cues people just don't get.
Communication involves more than just words; it includes body language, subtle facial expressions, and vocal inflections. Accurately interpreting these nuances isn’t something everyone is naturally skilled at. As kids, we barely understood social cues, but most people develop these skills as they age. However, not everyone easily picks up on social norms, and some grow up to struggle in social situations even as adults.
If this struggle sounds relatable, apparently, you are not alone. Recently, an interesting question was posted on Reddit: “What social cues have confused you?” The original poster, who was seeking advice, further explained, “What kind of social cues don’t you understand? Like saying something you shouldn’t or behaviour people don’t understand?” Many netizens related to this and shared their experiences, some of which we’ve selected to feature in the gallery below.
Image source: Zelda-bird, FoToArtist_1/Envato (not the actual photo)
If someone gives you a compliment they expect one back or else you're considered rude. A "thank you" does not suffice for some reason? I just learned this recently. I'm really bad at giving compliments and always hated receiving them so now I hate them even more.
Asking "why" is also rude for some odd reason. I just want to know the explanation for something. Why is that wrong?
Image source: Tiana_frogprincess, Mint_Images/Envato (not the actual photo)
Why people care when it has nothing to do with them. For example I like to swim for exercise and in the summer I go to a public beach and swim there. Because that’s free and I prefer to be outdoors. I go as far out as possible and I’m not in anyone’s way. Yet some are upset because I make them look bad when they just want to relax. I don’t even know them ? and they lie on a beach towel far away from me.
Image source: keyco11ector, LightFieldStudios/Envato (not the actual photo)
I still haven’t figured out the cues for when people want me to stop talking. Sometimes I don’t really talk at all but others I just can’t seem to stop talking and later I feel stupid and like I bothered everyone because I don’t know if I talked too much or not.
Image source: KuromiUsagi, msvyatkovska/Envato (not the actual photo)
When I point out the obvious or something that is clearly immoral happening and I’m the problem. .
Image source: prysmyr, Wavebreakmedia/Envato (not the actual photo)
When someone hints that they want an interaction to end, rather than saying it outright.
For example, I went to a neighbor's house and their 5 year old dragged me into playing Legos with him. A bit later, his mom came into the room and said that their neighbor (referring to me) probably doesn't want to play anymore and has things to do. I didn't understand she was hinting that she wanted me to leave so I said that I didn't mind playing with the kid.
Image source: kingfisher345, FabrikaPhoto/Envato (not the actual photo)
Any sort of flirting, I can’t ever tell if things are romantic or friendship until it’s clarified. Also struggle with figuring out people’s intentions, both as a general rule and also if they ask a question I don’t always get what it is they want to know, and end up replying something quite different.
Image source: NeatAbbreviations234, Retamosastock/Envato (not the actual photo)
Making friends. I never realized you could just make friends whenever, I thought it was just something to happen to you, never understood the work to make a friend.
Image source: _ummmmmm_666_, YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato (not the actual photo)
Anything relating to when a conversation should be started and ended??.
Image source: Pretend_Athletic, raferto1973/Envato (not the actual photo)
I continuously get confused by the expectation to preface things I say so that they will not be misunderstood, because people have a tendency to imagine/invent additional meanings to what I am saying. So no matter how literal and clear I am, I can’t trust I will be believed and understood because people will think I actually meant something else.
Image source: imright77, Wavebreakmedia/Envato (not the actual photo)
Questioning authority is bad. I'm not supposed to ask why the rules are that way, but isn't that the way humans have historically changed bad things? by questioning why things are the way they are?
Image source: Haley Green, Unsplash+ Community/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
I said “girlllll are you crazy?” to a lady at my job on my second day…. I work in behavioral health and she is schizophrenic. She looked at me dead pan and said “yes, that is why we are all here”. We’re buddies now and she hugs me every day but I was MORTIFIED
Image source: Academic-Thought2462, nutthasethw/Envato (not the actual photo)
Eye contact or hand shakes. it's not even necessary, let's just say hello and that's it. (ಠ_ಠ).
Image source: Remarkable-Glass8946, DC_Studio/Envato (not the actual photo)
When someone is sarcastic, and I am sarcastic in return. And they say: it was just a joke.
Like- what did I do wrong? I was following along? Did I did it wrong? Did I seemed offended or like their sarcasm went over my head?
Image source: lovrgrl, Peter Wu/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
I was a bartender and a co-worker asked me to sign a card for a fellow co worker. I was busy and annoyed. I signed the card “happy bday - Bria” later everyone was laughing because it was a condolence card for the passing of his aunt. He luckily said it made his day and made him laugh. Now I’ll always stop and make sure to read the card first. Lol
Image source: Fancypotato1995, Wavebreakmedia/Envato (not the actual photo)
Why do I need to introduce myself when I walk into a room or where there's a group of people? I don't want to actually talk to anyone, I just like the presence of their company. I will respond if they say hi to me, but I dont see why they tell me I'm rude for not saying hi to them when I didn't even want to talk to them in the first place.
I also don't understand why people ask questions and then get upset when you're honest. Like why ask me 'do I look fat in this outfit?' And then get upset when I reapons 'yeah, it doesn't really suit your body type'. Why ask if you're not going to actually want to hear my honest opinion. Even then, why does my opinion matter so much to you? You're not dressing for me, you're dressing for yourself. If you feel good in your outfit, then my opinion doesn't matter. It's literally just one opinion.
Image source: phoenixpeaks, AirImages/Envato (not the actual photo)
Oh boy.. ive been waiting for this one.
1. Making eye contact and smiling/greeting someone walking past you
2. The 'how are you doing' question with 'good' being the only expected response
3. Constantly having to smile or laugh
4. Facial expressions. Need i say more on this one.
5. Expected to fawn over children and dogs(i hate both)
6. Saying 'no' when someone offers you something at first to seem polite
7. Offering to pay for something when you dont mean to just to seem polite
8. Expected to compliment someone when they bring something up such as their hair or clothes
9. Responding or when to insert into conversations
10. Passive aggressiveness.
Image source: rickyspanish895, seventyfourimages/Envato (not the actual photo)
Keeping to yourself is a red flag to some people ?.
Image source: Ok_Perspective7552, GroundPicture/Envato (not the actual photo)
All the people in my life knowing I'm different and not telling me. For yeeeaaarrs.
Image source: treatmyyeet, YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato(not the actual photo)
When I'm at someone's house, knowing when to leave. This one STRESSES ME OUT. Because its rude for them to kick me out, I know I have to be the one to initiate it even if I want to stay longer, and I just never know when is right to leave.
Image source: Romucha, oneinchpunchphotos/Envato (not the actual photo)
I'm not sure if it fits into theis category, but threats masked as passive agressive questions are really confusing.
You know, the ones that sound like "Do you really want to do this?" or "Have you thought about what you've just said?". It genuinelly stuns me for several seconds, and when I ask back to clarify if it was a warning, or a threat, or if I did something wrong, and receive the answer that everything's OK, it's getting worse even more.
I'm aware of the fact that I did something wrong, and I want to correct my behaviour. This elusive manner of conversation isn't helping. Just say it.
Image source: Girackano, GroundPicture/Envato (not the actual photo)
People expressing jealousy as a compliment.
Lying about their interests or likes/hates just to relate in the moment ("omg i love that too" when they actually don't and will say so in the next convo a day later and no one cares even if they were present in the first convo).
Asking a question when they meant it as a statement to pretend to be polite ("would you like some tea" then doesnt accept no for an answer. Just be rude and make me tea without asking if youre going to do that anyway cause you wont accept a no).
Image source: Sims4equestrian, YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato (not the actual photo)
When people tell you to be honest they dont want you to he honest like what? Then why even ask it?
Image source: Mountainboofer, Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
I gave an interviewer a hug at the end of my interview. Thought they were going in for a hug (don’t know why my brain would ever think that) but they were reaching out for a handshake. Still got the job
Image source: Decaf_Is_Theft, Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
This might be a very specific one but when people look at you when something is funny in a movie or tv show… like are you asking for approval to laugh?
#1
Image source: Zelda-bird, FoToArtist_1/Envato (not the actual photo)
If someone gives you a compliment they expect one back or else you're considered rude. A "thank you" does not suffice for some reason? I just learned this recently. I'm really bad at giving compliments and always hated receiving them so now I hate them even more.
Asking "why" is also rude for some odd reason. I just want to know the explanation for something. Why is that wrong?
#2
Image source: Tiana_frogprincess, Mint_Images/Envato (not the actual photo)
Why people care when it has nothing to do with them. For example I like to swim for exercise and in the summer I go to a public beach and swim there. Because that’s free and I prefer to be outdoors. I go as far out as possible and I’m not in anyone’s way. Yet some are upset because I make them look bad when they just want to relax. I don’t even know them ? and they lie on a beach towel far away from me.
#3
Image source: keyco11ector, LightFieldStudios/Envato (not the actual photo)
I still haven’t figured out the cues for when people want me to stop talking. Sometimes I don’t really talk at all but others I just can’t seem to stop talking and later I feel stupid and like I bothered everyone because I don’t know if I talked too much or not.
#4
Image source: KuromiUsagi, msvyatkovska/Envato (not the actual photo)
When I point out the obvious or something that is clearly immoral happening and I’m the problem. .
#5
Image source: prysmyr, Wavebreakmedia/Envato (not the actual photo)
When someone hints that they want an interaction to end, rather than saying it outright.
For example, I went to a neighbor's house and their 5 year old dragged me into playing Legos with him. A bit later, his mom came into the room and said that their neighbor (referring to me) probably doesn't want to play anymore and has things to do. I didn't understand she was hinting that she wanted me to leave so I said that I didn't mind playing with the kid.
#6
Image source: kingfisher345, FabrikaPhoto/Envato (not the actual photo)
Any sort of flirting, I can’t ever tell if things are romantic or friendship until it’s clarified. Also struggle with figuring out people’s intentions, both as a general rule and also if they ask a question I don’t always get what it is they want to know, and end up replying something quite different.
#7
Image source: NeatAbbreviations234, Retamosastock/Envato (not the actual photo)
Making friends. I never realized you could just make friends whenever, I thought it was just something to happen to you, never understood the work to make a friend.
#8
Image source: _ummmmmm_666_, YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato (not the actual photo)
Anything relating to when a conversation should be started and ended??.
#9
Image source: Pretend_Athletic, raferto1973/Envato (not the actual photo)
I continuously get confused by the expectation to preface things I say so that they will not be misunderstood, because people have a tendency to imagine/invent additional meanings to what I am saying. So no matter how literal and clear I am, I can’t trust I will be believed and understood because people will think I actually meant something else.
#10
Image source: imright77, Wavebreakmedia/Envato (not the actual photo)
Questioning authority is bad. I'm not supposed to ask why the rules are that way, but isn't that the way humans have historically changed bad things? by questioning why things are the way they are?
#11
Image source: Haley Green, Unsplash+ Community/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
I said “girlllll are you crazy?” to a lady at my job on my second day…. I work in behavioral health and she is schizophrenic. She looked at me dead pan and said “yes, that is why we are all here”. We’re buddies now and she hugs me every day but I was MORTIFIED
#12
Image source: Academic-Thought2462, nutthasethw/Envato (not the actual photo)
Eye contact or hand shakes. it's not even necessary, let's just say hello and that's it. (ಠ_ಠ).
#13
Image source: Remarkable-Glass8946, DC_Studio/Envato (not the actual photo)
When someone is sarcastic, and I am sarcastic in return. And they say: it was just a joke.
Like- what did I do wrong? I was following along? Did I did it wrong? Did I seemed offended or like their sarcasm went over my head?
#14
Image source: lovrgrl, Peter Wu/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
I was a bartender and a co-worker asked me to sign a card for a fellow co worker. I was busy and annoyed. I signed the card “happy bday - Bria” later everyone was laughing because it was a condolence card for the passing of his aunt. He luckily said it made his day and made him laugh. Now I’ll always stop and make sure to read the card first. Lol
#15
Image source: Fancypotato1995, Wavebreakmedia/Envato (not the actual photo)
Why do I need to introduce myself when I walk into a room or where there's a group of people? I don't want to actually talk to anyone, I just like the presence of their company. I will respond if they say hi to me, but I dont see why they tell me I'm rude for not saying hi to them when I didn't even want to talk to them in the first place.
I also don't understand why people ask questions and then get upset when you're honest. Like why ask me 'do I look fat in this outfit?' And then get upset when I reapons 'yeah, it doesn't really suit your body type'. Why ask if you're not going to actually want to hear my honest opinion. Even then, why does my opinion matter so much to you? You're not dressing for me, you're dressing for yourself. If you feel good in your outfit, then my opinion doesn't matter. It's literally just one opinion.
#16
At my eye appointment they told me to open wide and I opened my mouth instead of my eyes ? to be fair I had just came from my dentist appointment Image source: linds.miller#17
Image source: phoenixpeaks, AirImages/Envato (not the actual photo)
Oh boy.. ive been waiting for this one.
1. Making eye contact and smiling/greeting someone walking past you
2. The 'how are you doing' question with 'good' being the only expected response
3. Constantly having to smile or laugh
4. Facial expressions. Need i say more on this one.
5. Expected to fawn over children and dogs(i hate both)
6. Saying 'no' when someone offers you something at first to seem polite
7. Offering to pay for something when you dont mean to just to seem polite
8. Expected to compliment someone when they bring something up such as their hair or clothes
9. Responding or when to insert into conversations
10. Passive aggressiveness.
#18
Image source: rickyspanish895, seventyfourimages/Envato (not the actual photo)
Keeping to yourself is a red flag to some people ?.
#19
Image source: Ok_Perspective7552, GroundPicture/Envato (not the actual photo)
All the people in my life knowing I'm different and not telling me. For yeeeaaarrs.
#20
Image source: treatmyyeet, YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato(not the actual photo)
When I'm at someone's house, knowing when to leave. This one STRESSES ME OUT. Because its rude for them to kick me out, I know I have to be the one to initiate it even if I want to stay longer, and I just never know when is right to leave.
#21
Image source: Romucha, oneinchpunchphotos/Envato (not the actual photo)
I'm not sure if it fits into theis category, but threats masked as passive agressive questions are really confusing.
You know, the ones that sound like "Do you really want to do this?" or "Have you thought about what you've just said?". It genuinelly stuns me for several seconds, and when I ask back to clarify if it was a warning, or a threat, or if I did something wrong, and receive the answer that everything's OK, it's getting worse even more.
I'm aware of the fact that I did something wrong, and I want to correct my behaviour. This elusive manner of conversation isn't helping. Just say it.
#22
Image source: Girackano, GroundPicture/Envato (not the actual photo)
People expressing jealousy as a compliment.
Lying about their interests or likes/hates just to relate in the moment ("omg i love that too" when they actually don't and will say so in the next convo a day later and no one cares even if they were present in the first convo).
Asking a question when they meant it as a statement to pretend to be polite ("would you like some tea" then doesnt accept no for an answer. Just be rude and make me tea without asking if youre going to do that anyway cause you wont accept a no).
#23
Image source: Sims4equestrian, YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato (not the actual photo)
When people tell you to be honest they dont want you to he honest like what? Then why even ask it?
#24
Image source: Mountainboofer, Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
I gave an interviewer a hug at the end of my interview. Thought they were going in for a hug (don’t know why my brain would ever think that) but they were reaching out for a handshake. Still got the job
#25
Image source: Decaf_Is_Theft, Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
This might be a very specific one but when people look at you when something is funny in a movie or tv show… like are you asking for approval to laugh?DE
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