“Actively Listen, Then Refill Her Wine”: 40 Marriage Tips That Work Wonders

In a Reddit thread that quickly caught fire, someone asked men: “What’s a ‘cheat code’ you discovered in marriage that actually works?” The responses were honest, practical, and surprisingly heartwarming. From small gestures to mindset shifts, here are some of the most upvoted “cheat codes” that real husbands say have made a big difference.

#1

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Pick the right person. Be super critical during the courting phase. Ask the tough questions and make sure you’re aligned. But once you decided to commit, that critical switch needs to flip and you need to be their biggest cheerleader. So many couples do it the other way, lovey dovey during the courting phase and then start getting critical after they committ. .

#2

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Verbally acknowledging each other’s contributions to the household.

“Thanks for cleaning up after dinner, it looks great.”

“Thanks for taking the kids to soccer practice”

“Thanks for grabbing groceries, this is my favorite cheese”

So on and so forth. By acknowledging each other’s day to day (and sometimes mundane) contributions, it builds appreciation and prevents animosity. It also prevents certain tasks from being “assigned” to a person with the expectation that it’s theirs forever and that’s “just how it is.”.

#3

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Being kind is better than being right.

#4

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When I feel like my wife is feeling a little down or when I feel like we’re not connecting emotionally, I will ask her about something she is passionate about and just get her talking. And I will ask questions that cannot be answered with a yes or no. She will go from sitting back with her arms folded to leaning forward, talking excitedly.

Often, people feel closer to someone simply by talking to that person and being heard. And everyone feels good talking about their favorite things.

Also, if you have something difficult to talk about, wait until they are in a good mood.

#5

Your wife is still your girlfriend. Never lose that mentality.

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#6

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Never stop “dating” your wife , kiss often.

#7

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Relationships aren’t a zero sum game, the only way to win is when you win together so approach all disagreements with that approach.

#8

When my wife gets home and wants to talk about work or about a friend or w/e, I ask “support or suggestion”. Changed my life.

My wife destresses after work by talking about her day. When we were dating, my impulse would be to “solve” whatever problem she had, which she didn’t want. Years together and many fights later, we’ve both learned to just ask what the other needs and we both love each other, so we’re happy to provide it.

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#9

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Keep a note on your phone for gift ideas. When she points out something she likes or wants to do, write it down in the note or snap a pic and insert it. See something you think she’d like? Write it down. Also, keep her clothing and shoe sizes in the note as well.

Also, google “mental load” and learn about the imbalances that tend to occur. Take more of it on.

#10

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1. You and your partner are a team that are working to solve your issues together. It’s you two vs the issue and never you vs your partner.
2. Hardly a cheat code, but communication is the key.

#11

During pregnancy and the first few month after childbirth I always hear men say, ” There isn’t much for me to do with the kid, its all her,” my “cheat code” is that SHE is your responsibility during that time. Every time her belly itches YOU put lotion on, YOU get up and get her snacks, YOU rub her feet, YOU lift her belly up to release pressure on her back, YOU buy her comfortable clothes. When the baby is born, yea she has to wake up and breast feed, BUT YOU burp the baby, YOU change the diapers when you can. I did all of this s**t while being Active Duty military so it drives me up a wall when fathers and husbands make an excuse that they, “have to work” so they can’t help out. Be an active parent and an active partner. Suddenly, you’ll find yourself getting laid more too without begging. Its like genuinely caring is attractive or something.

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#12

Be each other’s biggest fan. No s**t talking about the other to anyone, ever.

When you are always looking out for and supporting each other, that creates a strong team.

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#13

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When that little voice in your head says “Don’t say it!!” when you are just about to say it, don’t say it.

Example:

Don’t ask any questions about how dinner is being prepared. Be delighted someone is making you dinner.

#14

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Don’t think of it as a “50/50” sort of relationship. Your half and my half. Think of it as 100% and 100%, each partner giving the other their all without expectation of equal return.

#15

Love is an action verb.

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#16

My husband and I start every day with a really long hug. It seemed like a big task at first, but honestly, we now go in for those hugs more than once a day, and it helped me through some really rough days. My son has watched it numerous times, and he tries to join.

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#17

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If your wife asks you if you want ice cream, she wants ice cream.
Feel free to replace ice cream with anything.

#18

Feed them or let them wake up before getting too defensive in any argument. Hangry and tired people are not themselves and it might not be a fight in a normal state of mind.

This goes both ways and across all sexual spectrums.

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#19

Marriage is easy. Life is hard. It is vital not to mix the two up.

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#20

Nothing is “her” job. You are a team. Unload the dish washer, fold the laundry, cook dinner etc.

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#21

When your wife tells you she is exhausted and needs you to make efforts, listen to her and make those efforts. We tend to very fastly take those as nagging or annoying but most of the times its a need that comes out as a vent. Ignoring those repeatedly almost led me to divorce.

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#22

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Not me but my brother said he finds a lot of success by doing things around the house before she can even ask lol.

She’ll be like, “Can you take out the trash?” Him: Already did it.

He used to do this to my mom when we were younger too 🤣

Edit to add: I don’t care if it’s considered a hack or not 🤣 Just sharing what I’ve heard.

#23

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Never leave the house without giving her a kiss. Even if it’s just a peck on the cheek.

#24

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Separate blankets.

Been married for 13 years, together for 17. Sharing a blanket is an exercise in futility.

#25

Don’t shut her out from your problems.

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#26

When you’re wrong, apologize. When you’re right, say nothing.

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#27

Being a nice respectful person. Sounds simple, because it is.

But very difficult when you have kids, stress, emotions, trauma and when the other person has the same. If you can stay nice and respectful in difficult circumstances, you’ll do better than most.

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#28

Dont keep score, and absolutely dont bring up score.

Dont empty the dishwasher because it would give you ‘brownie points’, do it because it needs to be done.

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#29

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I discovered something dynamite that works wonders. The first month after we kissed, I bought her some small gifts and made a card – our one month anniversary. She thought it was a little cheesy but sweet. The next month – same again. The next month – and so forth. A card with some heartfelt thoughts and some small gifts. Often late but always catch up. Kept going after we got married and had children. We had our 103rd anniversary a few days ago.

I get away with absolute m*rder. She has kept all of the cards. Will do this forever.

#30

Always offer to do little things. Going to the store? Ask if she needs you to pick anything up. Making yourself a cup of coffee? Ask if she wants one. Running to the kitchen? Offer to bring back a snack.

Always work out your arguments before going to bed. Remember that even when you disagree you are in this together, so work on your disagreements together, trying to figure out what is causing the disconnect, without raising your voice.

Never keep score. For bills, for expenses, for income, for chores, etc. If you see a task that needs done, do it.

Kiss frequently, but also do things like kiss the back of her neck as you pass. Don’t make it sexual (like you’re not trying to pinch her butt or something every time you see her, unless she wants that). Just a quick little thing to show you love her.

(Just passed 10 years).

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#31

Race the microwave. Anytime you use it, use that time to do something quick. Load the dishwasher, flip the laundry, tidy up, get the garbage/recycling ready. You’ll be surprised at what you can do in 2min.

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#32

Dude here.

I make the bacon. Literally. I fry up enough ‘pretty bacon’ so that she can steal a couple of strips and I can yell “GET OUTTA MY KITCHEN!!” before I put everything else on the plate for breakfast. She’s hard as nails the rest of the time, but the wife giggles and runs off like a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar when I’m making the sides for the pancakes and blueberry waffles (made from scratch, mind you !).

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#33

Here’s my personal opinion.

1) Don’t be victim
2) Be flexible in your role in your relationship
3) Take personal accountability for every task, you AND YOUR PARTNER need to accomplish (you’re a team).

I work at a place that is 95% blue collar men. The older men are getting divorced at an alarming rate. They are much more likely to have conservative opinions about relationships and unbelievably bad attitudes about their wives.

The men who can’t take responsibility for their mistakes are almost all divorced. Grow up and own your issues and mistakes.

The men who only contribute by “being a provider” have terrible relationships with their adult children. We all have roles in our relationships, but if your wife is behind or having a tough time… jump in and wash a f*****g dish. Take the kids out of the house so your wife can relax. Many men want to scream about how masculine and tough they are but refuse to do “women’s work” or contribute in any way than their own personal tasks.

My thoughts come from not only my life but observation of other men. I don’t want to make this political, but the red-pill, ultra conservative men are not doing well. I’ve been told (by an older coworker) that my wife would not respect me if she didn’t make my lunch… that guy is divorced and his kids are no contact. Even the conservative wives get tired of miserable, angry men.

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#34

Communication. Communication. Communication.

Been married 5 years, together for 8. I stress hard on this, quality communication from BOTH sides makes such an effective team. The fights, arguments, tough spots, financial stress, intimate problems that we have completely avoided and been able to navigate together solely because we focus on communicating.

That’s it. They want to be heard and validated, and so do you. And who doesn’t love a good ol debate when you come to a crossroads with a decision. Life is so easy as a married couple when we sorted out our communication.

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#35

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Just because flowers

Not because you’re sorry, or some holiday, just because. They always mean more to your SO when there isn’t a reason.

#36

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Do not take your complaints about that person outside of the marriage just to vent or gossip. I’m not talking about enabling a*****e isolation. I’m talking about the stress and annoyance that can come wjth daily living in regards to your spouse and longing to vent.

I might say that: finances, schedule, time, etc. are really stressful and complain to family or my friends about that. Complaining about circumstances, not my spouse. But I don’t talk about my husband for the sake of venting or gossip or tear him down in conversations to other people.

If I needed true assistance I’d find a therapist.

I find allowing yourself to wallow in gossip and disrespect to your spouse quickly colors your view and other people’s view of them and you can’t easily get that respect back. If my husband does something I view as foolish I address it with him.

We have been married almost 20 years and mutual respect and admiration are very important in our marriage.

#37

Share in her outrage!!

When she calls and tells you something crazy happened and she annoyed at a person or situation never respond with logic!

Always respond with “Are you f**king kidding me!! That a****t did what??” “I’m gonna come down there myself and deal with this!” Or something similar that fits the situation..

They don’t want answers or solutions they just want you to share in their outrage!

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#38

Scheduling s*x while also being open to spontaneity.

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#39

Small affirmations aren’t little to the person hearing it.

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#40

Be goofy with each other. Let the weird out.

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