“Alaska Isn’t Next To Hawaii?”: 25 Moments People Realized They Were Dating Someone Kinda Stupid

Being in a relationship has its entertaining moments, and partnered-up folks have been gathering to relate their experiences dealing with an SO that seems to be the living embodiment of a dad-joke. 

#1

Image source: Moistened_Bints, _brunovisual/Pexels(not the actual photo)

Never took a shower, always a bath. I’d ask why and “she just hates showers” Finally our grown children pressured her into an answer.
“I just hate that first cold blast of water when it starts”
Kids and I look at each other for a while, I finally say “I hate it too, that’s why I am usually OUTSIDE the shower when it happens”
Long awkward silence. She has been showering ever since..

#2

Image source: Brandonh707, Polina Tankilevitch/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Cooked me a cup of noodles with no water.

#3

Image source: beccaaxa, DΛVΞ GΛRCIΛ/Pexels(not the actual photo)

When he straight up thought baby ducks were called quacklings. But to be honest, I actually prefer his version.

#4

Image source: anon, Lisa from Pexels/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Oh god. My SO has his PHD and is, on paper, super smart. However, when we had a rare sunny day (I’m in Scotland) he got one of those disposable BBQs that are basically just a tray with the charcoal in it. He set it up on a wooden chair because apparently “it won’t burn this”. Cue one very charcoal chair.

Bonus story: he decided he didn’t need to shut the electricity off to change a socket. Looked at me like I was an idiot for suggesting this and then proceeded to get an electric shock almost immediately.

Edit: sooo many people assume his PhD is in the arts. It’s not – he has a masters in Engineering and a PhD in Neuroscience.

#5

Image source: lespaulstrat2, Rahul Shah/Pexels (not the actual photo)

My wife is an English major. I gave her my favorite book *Eyewitness to History* to read. It is a compilation of stories that are people who have seen historic events first hand. It starts with the death of Socrates and goes to the 20th century. She told me she was skeptical because so many stories were written by the same person. His name? Anon.

#6

Image source: anon, Kindel Media/Pexels (not the actual photo)

I bought him a new watch and it was water resistant.

I told him I wanted to see him wearing it at the pool when we go do laps. He did two laps, got out, took off his watch and came back to the pool.

I asked him why he took it off. I thought maybe it was uncomfortable.

He told me it was water resistant “up to 100 meters” so he took it off after two 50 meter laps.

#7

Image source: FrankDrebin72, Mahrous Houses/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

My wife spent two hours installing a wireless printer because she didn’t plug it in. “But it’s **wireless**!”

She also cashed a check and when they asked if she wanted big or small bills she said regular size.

Both stories are absolutely true, and I’m so goddamned happy I married a living dad joke. (She’s definitely no idiot though)

#8

Image source: booksandbrooks, MART PRODUCTION/Pexels (not the actual photo)

He forgets the names of things, and so will often make up a new name in the middle of a sentence without breaking stride. My personal favorite was when he forgot what a sandwich was called, so he asked me to make him a “meat bread”. Throughout the years I’ve become fluent in husband, but at first it would take me awhile to figure out what he was talking about.

He also does this thing where if he forgets someone’s name, he renames them Terry in his mind. He called our neighbor Terry for over a year, to the man’s face, until one day neighbor’s wife finally corrected him and told him that neighbor’s name was Neil.

My husband is an absolute idiot, but he’s my idiot and I love the hell out of him!

#9

Image source: Squiddlywinks, Lucie Liz/Pexels (not the actual photo)

We were putting away the groceries when I see her take a new jar of salsa, open it, and put it in the fridge. I asked her why she did that and she said:

“It says right on the jar to refrigerate after opening.”

I swear, she’s smart as a whip most of the time.

#10

Image source: shitterplug, RDNE Stock project/Pexels (not the actual photo)

She was at the store and I remembered I needed some whole chickens for the weekend, so I call her up and ask her to grab a few. Over the phone she says “the big kind or the little kind?” “I dunno, the largest you can find, it doesn’t really matter”. She shows up at the house with two 25 pound turkeys. Her entire life she believed turkeys were just larger chickens.

#11

Image source: RandomGuyWithStick, Jayson Hinrichsen/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

When she answered the door in a s**y negligee…when I was bringing my parents over for dinner. She then swore, ran off, came back and apologised to my parents for swearing then ran off again.

#12

Image source: TheAbyssGazesAlso, adrian vieriu/Pexels (not the actual photo)

When she told me, quite seriously, that wind is made by trees.

You know, because they sway around which pushes the air around and thus makes wind.

She was not kidding.

#13

Image source: Cheeseballfairy, Max Vakhtbovycn/Pexels (not the actual photo)

When he gorilla glued his bathroom door shut to see if he could break it down. He couldn’t.

#14

Image source: scout1520, Antoni Shkraba Studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALASKA ISN’T NEXT TO HAWAII ” Followed by, ALASKA is connected to Canada??

#15

Image source: caardamus1, SHVETS production/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Very early into our relationship she said something to the effect of, “I miss living in the mountains. When I lived in North Carolina, we had this beautiful mountain range… I think they called it the Rocky Mountains? Anyway… I wish we could go back sometime.”

We live in the Appalachian Mountains… Just a little north of where she grew up… It’s quite literally the same mountain range she saw as a kid…

#16

Image source: Peepforbreakfast, Kevin Bidwell/Pexels (not the actual photo)

When I asked him to grab the “crushed red pepper” for my pizza, and he got offended. He asked me why i didn’t just say “the red flakes”, and that I was just trying to sound smarter than him.

#17

Image source: haylestotheyeah, cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)

My boyfriend insisted that cooking certain things in the microwave was a hassle since you had to “stop them early” because the microwave only cooked in 30-second increments. I’m not sure what he thought all the numbers were for, but his life changed that day.

#18

Image source: kittycatss, SVH Manali/Pexels (not the actual photo)

My husband told me that he never slept in hotel sheets because they “never washed them”. So instead, he would wrap himself up in the comforter and sleep in that. The big fluffy comforter…

#19

Image source: anon, Curated Lifestyle/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

When she insisted that Kim Jong Un was the leader of North Carolina.

#20

Image source: anon, BAILEY MAHON/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

I’ll speak for my wife.

Up until about 2 years ago (I’m 30) I honestly believed goats were the male version of sheep.

I still don’t live that down.

#21

Image source: SixSpeedDriver, Element5 Digital/Pexels (not the actual photo)

My crazy ex girlfriend told me a story once about her very special car. See, she thought buying gas was for other people and that her car didn’t need it. Evidently she didn’t realize this wasn’t the case till one day, she had run out of gas on the side of the road. Her ex boyfriend had been filling and keeping her tank full, so she just assumed her car ran off the battery.

This was nearly 15 years ago, where the notion of an electric car was futurology.

#22

Image source: anon, RDNE Stock project/Pexels (Not the actual photo)

When the ex wife accused me of making up the word hypocritical after telling her that her actions were just that. “You think because you’re smart you can make up words to call me and I won’t notice?” One of those moments where you open your eyes really wide and take a moment to process what you’re hearing.

#23

Image source: Lampshade401, cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)

I’ve posted this before, but it’s my favorite story.

In the middle of a conversation that was referencing Washington DC, he angrily stated that what I was saying was impossible, because people don’t live in Washington DC.

I stopped, wait what?

“No one lives in Washington DC, they aren’t allowed.”

Are you serious?

“Yeah, only the President and the secret service live there, in the White House.”

He was 26.

#24

Image source: KalElButthead, Caleb Woods/unsplash (not the actual photo)

We sat on the porch of her rented house during university, smoking. It was nighttime, the stars were out. I saw Venus, asked her why she thought that star was *extra* bright (hoping to drop my planetary knowledge.)
She said maybe it’s closer to us than the moon.
I said “What does that mean?”
“Like it’s between us and the moon.”
She then explained that she thought the stars float around and change their positions, and that they were small.
I ran into her house, told all her housemates, and we informed her about stars.
She’s a PhD scientist.

Edit: Biology. Cigarettes.
As for it being rude of me to run in and tell her roommates, it was. But she didn’t beleive me, thought I was messing with her. Told her the sun is a star and she laughed and was like ‘now I KNOW you’re kidding..” Went inside to confirm this with her roommates (also good friends of mine) and we all had a good laugh.
I’m no genius, can’t point out countries on a map. We all have our faults, I just thought this one was particularly funny especially given that she is a brilliant scientist now (this was in 2nd year).

#25

Image source: dilfhunter666, MART PRODUCTION/Pexels (not the actual photo)

He told me there was a giant tsunami rolling in. We live in Arizona.

Edit: This story is about an ex. He was dead serious when he said tsunami. I googled the definition of tsunami and told him what it was and he proceeded to call me an arrogant b***h.