25 People Proudly Share Their Most Diabolical Petty Revenge Stories

Tales of glorious petty revenge let those of us who chose to forgive or walk away from conflict live vicariously through others for a moment. When vengeance is perfectly executed, it’s even more satisfying, and some people seem especially skilled at pulling off the ultimate payback plan. These folks chose anything but the high road, balanced the scales of justice, and got the last laugh in ways that deliver secondhand fulfilment to those of us reading about it online, too. With 8 billion people in the world, almost every experience is possible, and some are far more fascinating than others. We’ve curated a list of stories that showcase the most striking ways Redditors exacted sweet revenge on someone who wronged them, broke their heart, or deserved karmic justice, and shared them in the gallery below.

#1

Image source: Clown_Shoe, Kolby Milton/unsplash I knew a kid who was an absolute terror. He would just be a [jerk] for the sake of being a [jerk]. One day my friends and I are at the park playing football and this kid ran up to us with a paintball gun and shot us all up at the park. Now we have paintball guns too so if we wanted to shoot him up we could but we knew it wasn't enough. This time this kid went too far. Since he lives near us we know his family quite well and know that his mom is crazy controlling and mean as hell. We also knew for a fact that he did not have a paintball gun before so he must have finally convinced his mom that he would be responsible with it and she finally allowed him to buy one. Well we took all our paintball guns and shot up every house on his block except for his. His house is within viewing distance of the park where play football so we all got to watch and laugh as his dad was outside slamming his gun against the street and apologizing to the neighbors. He was crying like a baby and it was glorious. I know this sounds mean but if you knew this kid you would know how badly he deserved it. He broke my go-cart once.

#2

Image source: intensenerd, Frank van Hulst/unsplash As much as I agree that "moving on and living happy life" is a good idea. . . I had a bit of revenge on my ex-wife. She left me for her ex-boyfriend that she had led us all to believe had [passed]a year earlier. . . She asked me to send her some things to MO from here in ID including her wedding dress. I sent it and everything else she asked for. . . all in ziploc baggies. . . ashes weigh a lot less than actual clothing and stuff. It was a grand bonfire. We even took pictures and enclosed them to prove what we were sending. Haven't spoken with her since, and now am super happily married to a woman that is not crazygonutso.

#3

Image source: Lastonk, Jonathan Cooper/unsplash In the fourth grade, on a military base in Texas, I used to ride my mothers bicycle off the base to the local comic book store, and spend my entire allowance on comics. I would then spend the rest of the week selling these comics to the rest of my fourth grade class, for double the cover price... I got to read all the comics, and made a healthy profit on them as well. One day my teacher Mr Smith found out about my scheme, and confiscated my entire collection of comics. They weren't disrupting class, as I sold them before and after school, and I had them in a paper sack in my desk, like I did every week. I was as angry as a ten year old could get. So I gathered all the money I had (ten bucks!) and went to the local commissary. I bought all the bulk penny candy I could. It ended up filling a grocery sack about half full. That's a LOT of candy. Then the next day, I smuggled it into the school. I showed it to all the kids before the day started, and announced anyone who got yelled at, got a handful, and anybody who got sent to the principles office got FOUR handfuls. Chaos ensued, as I sat back and watched, angelically glaring at Mr. Smith. On the second kid sent to the principles office, I got ratted out. The principle sent for me and Mr Smith together, and someone else took over the class. Once in the office, the Principle asked me what was going on... I explained in detail, still angry, speaking in clipped terms what Mr Smith had done, and how I would keep making his life miserable till I got my comics book back, and I glared at both of them with little hands folded in defiance. When they sent me out of the room, I could hear both of them break out in uncontrollable laughter. I got my comics back.

#4

Image source: anon, Milles Studio/unsplash I speak from experience: When your wife leaves you for another man, the best revenge against both parties involved is to let him have her. I wanted very badly to hurt the two of them, I wanted them to drown in misery. As it turns out, they did it to each other within the year - and I married a woman who I've now been with for almost ten years.

#5

Image source: anon, Faruk Tokluoğlu/unsplash That said, I had a roommate years ago who would constantly steal from me, lie about it and then threaten me when I asked about it. ...so the day before I moved out, I stuffed half a dozen frozen jumbo prawns inside his couch, zipped up the cushions and left without a forwarding address. I bet he had a great summer. That was six years ago and I still feel like it was a good choice.

#6

Image source: fyasko, Julietta Watson/unsplash I remember in Kindergarten during freetime, I always played with the playdough and made small cars and snowmen. Because I was the only asian kid in my class in this white/mexi community, I got picked less often than the fat kid. Anyway, I had a bully named Colin Duncan, him and his friends would always smash my creations by getting my attention and smashing it with their hands. I cried and went to the teacher but they would always play it off as an accident. One day I decided to stick a toothpick upright in a tree i made and next thing you know, the toothpick was stuck in colin's hand. I was sent to principal's office and changed classrooms. TL;DR bully pierces himself with a toothpick i hid in some playdough. Edit: I'm sorry to say but i don't remember why i got sent to the principal's office. What I remember (in pieces) is my parents coming from work to pick me up, Colin crying uncontrollably, and a freaked out teachers, and school secretaries giving me dirty looks.

#7

Image source: KryptKat, Jakub Żerdzicki/unsplash So, I was working at a 7-Eleven for just shy of a year. The store was a franchise, which means it was independently owned by a lebanese guy who's IQ was probably somewhere in the 80s. He treated us all like [trash], and the only person who made more than minimum wage was the useless clerk he was cheating on his wife with (who, for *some* reason, made $15 an hour). This guy never did anything by the book. If he thought it would make him more money, then the law didn't apply to him. Nobody at the store ever got a lunch. We were *barely* afforded smoke breaks, and we weren't allowed to eat while on the clock. In california, when you work more than 5 hours without a lunch, you're supposed to get paid an extra hour's wages, which counts toward overtime. We didn't get that, either. On top of that, when he did payroll, he wouldn't actually go by when you clocked in and out, he went by the schedule he wrote. So if you stayed an extra hour or two to help out when it got busy, you'd be working for free, because the hours wouldn't show up. Also, your schedule was subject to change whenever he felt like it. There were several times he wrote me up for showing up late, because he would change my shift without telling me. So, here's where the trouble starts. Whenever we would take expired food off the shelves, we'd come in the next day, and he had printed new expiration dates, pasted them on top of the old ones, and put the food back on the shelves. The happened consistently, the entire time I worked there. Well, one day, I'd had enough of his [nonsense]. I called up the health department and reported him, then emailed corporate and filled them in on what was going on. Well, word got back to him, and when I went in the next day, I'd received a "complaint", and was promptly fired. I don't know about you, but I've never worked anywhere with a one strike policy. Here's the thing, though. Since the day I started there, I'd been keeping records. I had copies of every schedule posted, and every paystub I'd ever received. I went to the labor board that day, and picked up the paperwork I needed. See, when you don't get lunches, and you don't get paid the extra hour you're supposed to, the labor board can force the employer to pay you the money he owes you in one lump sum. So I filled out the paperwork, and turned it in. My old boss wasn't so smug when he had to make a check to me for $2600. Right after receiving a hefty fine from the health department. Now, I'm working to get the labor board to force him to hire me back under the whistleblower clause. If he has to re-hire me, he also has to pay me back lost wages for the past few months. Also, my old co-workers get lunches now. Was the revenge sweet? It felt awesome! But that's not why I did it. I did it because that [he] was going to keep on exploiting his employees and customers to make a buck, and keep being a worthless human being, and I felt like unless I did something, he was going to get away with it. I simply could not abide by the idea of him suffering no consequences for his actions.

#8

Image source: lawofmurphy, Yunus Tuğ/unsplash Well, here's my favorite one. In 4th grade, during indoor recess, I unlocked my teacher's desk and another group of students went through her desk. A girl ratted me out and I got a week of detention. Sadness for me. Three years later, this person ended up in front of me in one of my classes and I noticed she would cheat on her tests by leaving a study sheet just on the floor. After class one day, I went to the teacher and explained that *wink wink* he should watch for people cheating extra carefully next time we had a test. Sure enough, next time out, he found her study sheet just laying there and she started crying and whatnot. That was my Count of Monte Cristo moment.

#9

Image source: FedallahZen, Amit Lahav/unsplash I was at the State Fair and saw my bully from 5th grade enter a Port-A-Let. Even though I was then 20 years old, I barred the door and then turned it over. I felt better.

#10

Image source: MMAfighterNJ, Rajudin Hax/unsplash So i'm a 21 year old in college. Back as a freshman in high school i was a skinny 120 lb Asian kid who liked playing Pokemon and staring at the hot girls in class. anyhoo.. This older kid named Greg would always try to get in my face in the hallways and shove me and try to get me to retaliate. I would always walk away and never do anything back because he was large and i had a tendency to get beat up. One day i just couldn't take it anymore and when he came at me, I managed to shove him hard enough to make him stumble into a locker. As i was walking away feeling good about myself he sucker punched me straight in the back of the head and everyone saw it. Fast forward 4 years, i'm a freshman in college and i had just won my amateur MMA debut and guess who i run into at a party in our town? Good ol' Greg (who is now a complete loser). When he saw me he tried to give me the usual tough guy attitude and tried to shove me around a bit, at which point i proceeded to beat him senseless. I broke his nose and he avoided everyone for weeks after. Did i feel bad about it after? "Babies don't sleep this well" -Tyler Durden.

#11

Image source: jack_skellington, Pablo Merchán Montes/unsplash So, I'm a middle-aged man getting divorced from a middle-aged woman who cheated on me. It's two years after she took off with her 22 year-old karate instructor, and the divorce agreement still isn't final. However, about a year in it had to be signed and all the aspects of it were retroactive. Meaning, immediately upon signing it I was a deadbeat dad with a few thousand owed for child support, and over $10,000 owed for alimony. I tried to fight the retroactive stuff, but my lawyer didn't see a way to stop it. So my ex put a lien on our jointly-owned house. And froze my bank accounts, etc. My life has been hell, my credit rating is terrible, and I have to file for bankruptcy. And now, two years after she left, the house is for sale. It's a short sale, so the banks are freaking out over every penny. They worry about how much they'll lose. And when they heard that a lien was in place, they realized they'd lose even more (because the lien has to be paid, and it comes out of their share). My ex is now freaking out too, because the banks didn't accept an offer. They wanted more money. My ex sent an email to her lawyer & mine (but not to me), stating that I was "holding up the sale" because of the lien. She demanded that my lawyer undertake some legal process to have the lien removed. I got the delicious opportunity to tell her that I *liked* having the lien there. If the house sells, my back-owed money is paid off, and if it doesn't sell, well, I have to declare bankruptcy anyway, so it doesn't matter. She is now going nuts in email, lashing out at everyone. tl;dr: ex-wife is freaking out because house won't sell due to a lien SHE put on the house to try to bully me.

#12

Image source: xxgoozxx Revenge is an artform. It has an impact...and is needed to keep the "Karma" revolution going. Here's the situation: In college, my neighbor was crazy. She would call the cops on us, and even made me and my roommates go to mediation over nothing. We never knew she had an issue with us. Never ever called me, never even hinted at any issues she had with us. So after making our lives a living hell...dealing with the cops on a daily basis from "anonymous calls" and ridiculous allegations...I decided to take some revenge and make her life a living hell as well. I went to a near by record store that had magazines (Tower Records), and took out all of the "subscription postcards" out of EVERY magazine (about 270) to be exact. Went online and had labels made for my neighbors address, got all roommates together, and while drinking a few beers, we pasted on her address to all the magazine subscriptions, and checked the "Bill me later" box. Well, I hope you can imagine what happened next...it took her over 2 years to unsubscribe to all (although i think she gave up)...she would have to write letters to each magazine provider, and then creditor if she missed payments. Low and behold, she moved. EDIT: It was really nice to scavenger through all the magazines that were left over. To this day, magazines still come to that address.

#13

Image source: howitzeral, Getty Images/unsplash That reminds me of a good one back in high school. 10th grade I think. There was a ditzy, snobby girl that none of us liked. She always sat next one one of the smartest guys in the class. We figured out that she was copying off his tests (without his knowledge) and getting awesome grades as a result. Instead of telling the teacher, we told the guy who was being copied from and all agreed that on the next multiple-choice test he would put down the answer that was 1-off from the correct answer. Then when he was done he would get up turn the test in and change his answers to the right ones before turning it in. The next test day he did just that (except for 1 question, out of a small sense of pity).

#14

Image source: halbowitz, Ali Pli/unsplash Long story short.. maybe. Well, my GF, of then 6 years and I had broken up. Well, more accurately, she had broken up with me. This was 4 months after us moving across the country from NJ to CO under her request, so she could live near her parents. I had gotten a job but other than that, I was a stranger in a strange land. She ~~asked~~ told me to move out of the apt that we had just gotten even though her parents lived right down the street and she could easily go live with them, she could not afford our apartment on her own (I could and she eventually did jump ship and I lost my deposit), and I had nowhere to go. I pleaded with her to give me the apt. She didn't care. Her whole mentality through the whole thing was that she was not giving an inch for any reason, even if it was for the benefit of everyone. Anyhow, so one day I go back to 'our' place to talk to her. I really wanted her back and I couldn't understand why, out of the blue, she didn't want to be with me after 6 years or so. I kept asking her if she was with someone else. Because, to me, that would be the nail and I would just move on. But she insisted over and over that this wasn't the case. Sometime during this conversation she said she was going to go to my friends house and have him come pick me up (I had nothing. I sold everything I had, including my car, to get us to Colorado). This friend had dropped me off there after I requested he do so. I was living on his couch (and many others). So, at this point, my ex went to get him to come get me. While she was gone, for some unknown reason, I decided to check the voice mail. The first msg went something like this: "Hi Tina, listen, you need to change your voicemail. It says "we" are not home. And, well, if Alex calls and hears that he is going to know that you have had a boyfriend the whole time you have been dating him...." And that is how I found out. I was devastated and fuming angry at the same time. The truth, it finally came out and she had been lying to me and cheating on me this whole time and she dragged me across the country (by happenstance) to do it! So, I did what any rational person would do under these circumstances.. I changed the access code to the voice mail. I then changed the outgoing message to "Hi! This is Halbowitz. Unfortunately, I'm not at home right now because it ends up Tina has been unfaithful to me and has been sleeping with a guy named Alex. Of course, she never fessed up to it and thought it would be easier just to kick me out of house and home with nothing more than the shirt on my back and her lies denying her infidelity in my head." and I also said some other choice things. But, for the most part, that is the msg I left. Well, since the phone was in my name, she had a hard time getting that message off the voicemail. So, for weeks after that, anyone who called when she was not home was greeted to that message. And since she didn't have much of a reason to call her own number and hear the message, she didn't know I had changed it for some time and was LIVID when she found out. Ill admit though, I did get a small amount of satisfaction from it. She did everything she could to make the breakup as rocky as possible while I bent over backwards to appease her. So, this, as small as it was, was something for me to hang my hat on. Edit: For the record, I'm rather sure she didn't know the guy until after we moved to CO. So, it's not like she had a plan. tl;dr: GF cheated on me. Changed voice mail msg stating her infidelity. Changed access code so she could not remove msg. Totally worth it. Would do again.

#15

Image source: MassiveEpicFlail, Jordan González/unsplash When I was a Freshman in college, my large Hawaiian friend ball tapped me. Needless to say it hurt badly. I told him I was going to get him back when he least expected it, just to see him flinch if I got close. The next weekend we were drinking Bacardi 151 and I experimented to see if it would light on fire. It did. My freak reaction caused me to spill it onto my hand, setting it ablaze. I realized I only had moments before I felt the pain. I lept across the room and ball tapped him. My hand went out because all the fire and liquor shifted to his pants. He then proceeded to gorilla bongo open palm slap his genitals over and over again. tl;dr Whoever said revenge was a dish best served cold never had it flambé.

#16

Image source: imironman, Sandra Seitamaa/unsplash When I was 3mths pregnant with I walked in on my then best friend and my husband. On my couch. While I'd been sleeping in the next room. Needless to say, drama ensued. Divorce, they moved in together, ect ect. A few months later I was driving by her ex boyfriend's house (I lived on the same street and was on my way home, I'm not a crazy stalker) and saw the two of them making out on his front deck. I honked my horn on the way by so SHE knew I saw her. And then I never mentioned it again. I have just spent the last 3 years with all of us getting along pretty well (with a baby in the middle of all the drama there was no option to just avoid them) and my secret evil joy at watching her squirm every time I see them. AND I get the joy of knowing that my cheating ex got stuck with one of his own. Best revenge I could have hoped for.

#17

Image source: judgement_horse, Kateryna Hliznitsova/unsplash I was picked on quite a bit through school and now when the people who picked on me recognize me and try to say hi (I don't know why they think I would want to talk to them at all.) I just ask if I know them. The expression on their face fills me with such joy every time. I'm all for forgiving and forgetting, but don't expect me to just be like good friends just because you're saying hi to me after making my life a living hell for so long.

#18

Image source: anon, Curated Lifestyle/unsplash "He who seeks revenge should first dig two graves" -Chinese Proverb Sure, it *feels good* to get revenge on someone who hurt you. When I was in high school my first girlfriend (of 18 months) cheated on me at a party I was at, then lied to me about it for a few months with the help of basically everyone I knew. I was madly in love with this girl, and I didn't know how to deal with what was happening. I was angry. So what did I do? Within a month I was dating her best friend. I didn't do it completely out of malicious intent, I genuinely liked this girl and we'd had flings in the past without ever actually dating, and it seemed like I could [end] two birds with one stone - get over my ex and date someone I hadn't had the chance to. Still, when I think about what happened these days, I have to admit that there was probably some degree of malicious intent in my actions, however subdued they were. There was a certain degree of sick pleasure that I got out of seeing my ex cry whenever she saw us together. Anyways, fast forward a few months, and I had no friends, destroyed their friendship permanently, and was single. It's been a long way back since then. Revenge feels good when you do it, but trust me, karma (or whatever you want to call it) will catch up with you, and when it does it probably won't be pretty. Instead, I'd focus on rebuilding your life. Find peace and happiness, and forgive your friend. This isn't healthy to you or anyone else in this world - anger is like holding a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else...in the end you really only burn yourself.

#19

Image source: anon, Getty Images/unsplash Not sure if this counts as "revenge", but it's a moment I'm pretty proud of. So my new girlfriend (for less than a day) and I are at the airport. She's flying home, which I'm rather grumpy about. She's blind, and we had her guide dog with us. We're sitting there, minding our own business, and these two ladies sat down nearby, and started talking about us, right in front of us...in Spanish. They weren't being mean, but we both knew some spanish, and knew they were talking about her, and the dog, blah blah blah. To me, it's rude to talk about someone right in front of them, just because you happen to speak another language. Finally, I looked over at her, and said, loudly, in spanish, "Do you think they're talking about us?" The look on their faces was priceless...

#20

Image source: blahblah85, Vitaly Gariev/unsplash I didn't have to take revenge. The Guy she left me for soon after lost his job (he dropped out of highschool in 9th grade and has no GED) and now She and him live in his parents basement. Very doubtful he will be able to find [anething]. I got a huge promotion and she didn't read the divorce papers before signing them that included her not being able to ever get a dime from me. Karma is better then revenge a lot of the time.

#21

Image source: mundane1, Getty Images/unsplash Old boss [deceived] me many times. I finally got out of the situation and he's now out of work and looking for a job with the company I'm at now. I was asked by HR if he'd be a good addition to our team. My response, "I can't give him my recommendation."

#22

Image source: jenniferjuniper, Joshua Hoehne/unsplash I think it depends on the severity of revenge. Personally, I've only played the revenge card once. My bf had been cheating on me with this girl I knew. I was best friends with his roommate so even after we broke up I would sometimes go there (when the ex wasn't around). They had a high traffic house, lots of people coming and going. I was in the bathroom and noticed tons of [urine] in the toilet and on the seat. I then noticed her scooby doo tooth brush and decided it was time to clean the toilet. With her tooth brush. Told my best friend about it who had to leave the room whenever she was brushing her teeth as to not ruin my revenge. Apparently she used that tooth brush for a good 6 months or so after my little scrubbing session. No regrets!

#23

  Image source: DevilStephieNYC, LinkedIn Sales Solutions/unsplash Professor told me this one first hand: * Professor finds adulterous emails btw husband and Homewrecker * Professor divorces husband. * Professor's Ex-Husband and Homewrecker start dating * Homewrecker leaves Professor's Ex-Husband for her old boyfriend * Homewrecker and Boyfriend get engaged * Professor prints out adulterous emails and sends them to Homewrecker's fiancee * Fiancee calls off marriage for being a home wrecker **Today my marriage, tomorrow yours!**.

#24

Image source: BetterThanDead, Getty Images/unsplash I once started a tech company and developed a very marketable product. Being a techie who couldn't sell his way out of a paper bag, after about 4 years I eventually found a couple of partners to work with to help market and promote a business based on my tech and take things to the next level. They didn't buy their way in (my first mistake) and our contract wasn't written with adequate protection for me (my second mistake) since we were all "friends" and I never thought anything bad would happen. We still had our day jobs and things were progressing nicely. on building a business while we each still had day jobs. We were starting to be successful and edging towards the ability to make quit-your-job kind of money. After a while my partners started acting strangely and started floating the great idea to form a new business, form a new LLC and roll our existing successful business into it as "one of the offerings" which we would all make zillions from. They talked it up for weeks and eventually sent me a lengthy and confusing contract to sign. I knew right away the ideas for the other offerings for the new business were losers and got the suspicion that the only reason they wanted to do this was because they wanted to exploit the revenue from the existing emerging business and do away with me in the partnership. I smelled a rat and my spidey senses were tingling. Since one of my roles was systems admin, I spent one afternoon perusing their email on our server and in a matter of minutes, I found hard evidence of their plot to perform the aforementioned merger and promptly make use of a clause which would allow them to vote me out and leave me high and dry. It certainly explained why they were champing at the bit for me to "hurry up and just sign the new contract already". Closer scrutiny of the proposed contract showed that they would have been able to do [kick] me out of the deal with no payout, and leave me with nothing. They were going to shaft me out of 8K hours of development time and were going to be making money off my technology for who knows how long. I immediately picked my jaw up off the floor, did some research, went to a lawyer, and devised a plan for me to be able to walk away from the partnership and operate the business on my own. This was tricky and took way too much time and money, because of the lack of protection I had due to a lousy contract between us. I was successful and was able oust them, and I still operate the business to this day, all on my own. Here's the revenge part. My now former partners went on to start their new business. One of the Evil Partners still had a day job as VP of sales a company in the same industry as the new company they were building. I won't say who or what industry, but this was a clear conflict of interest in a narrow business space. This person was mining the rolodex and stealing clients away with the goal of jumping ship and running the new company with the purloined client base. I knew all of this and this was one of the reasons I didn't want to merge companies to begin with, since this behavior is illegal, unethical, and just plain icky. I waited a suitable amount of time to distance myself from the situation, then sent a package to the owner of the company for which the Evil Partner still worked and provided evidence to their efforts to undermine and steal all their clients. Results were as expected - Evil Partner was fired and sued. This was years ago and every time I remember what almost happened to me and the bullet that I dodged, I just laugh and thank my lucky stars. The fact that I was able to give it right back to Evil Partner makes me smile. So Yes, revenge can be satisfying when applied to well-deserving [jerk]. Moral of the story: * Even if you have trust in your partners, money changes things. Get a lawyer and have a real contract written up to protect yourself. * Don't try to [deceive] your Partner if they can read your mail, or at least use Gmail when doing so. * Reading others' mail is wrong, don't do it. Unless you have to ;) TL;DR I uncovered a plot by my business partners to [kick] me out of the business I had built, and I was able to turn the tables.

#25

I knocked out a bully who was bothering me for months in grade 6. I was one of the uber passive turn the other cheek Christian types. Little did the [jerk] know I was a brown belt in Karate and had a limit to the [mistreatment] I would take. Two punches followed by a high roundhouse kick to the head. I then followed through by grabbing him by the hair and smashing his head into the floor repeatedly until my friends managed to lift their jaws off the floor and pulled me off of him. That was when the Sister Josephine; the sweetest old italian nun teaching the religion class walked in to see me with bloody sleeves, tears in my eyes at the sin I was causing, but still screaming at my friends to let me go so I could keep beating the [hell] out of the guy, and the bully sprawled unconsious with a bloody broken nose. Nearly got expelled, but the other students explained it to them. I got away with 2 weeks suspension. Still finished 3rd in class mark rankings. EDIT: forgot to add- totally worth it. Especially when my Dad came to pick me up from school and the convo went like this: Dad: Did you start the fight? Me (scared as hell): No pops! He did Dad: Did you finish the fight? Me (less scared): Yes pops Dad: was this the kid who bullied you and stabbed you in the hand with a pencil? Me (starting to feel confident): Yes pops, that's why i fought him Dad: atta boy! Lets get you some ice cream! Me: AWWWWW YEAAAAAH. Image source: anon