25 People Breakdown The Reasons Their Parents Resented Or Disliked Them As Kids
People cite the reason their parents were unable to love them unconditionally.
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Many people recognise that their parents are only human. However, that doesn’t negate the impacts of their actions on them as children. During these impressionable and formative years, many kids take on various traumas caused by their parents. As adulthood sets in, they learn to heal and forgive not for the sake of the parents but for themselves. This doesn’t diminish the genuine pain experienced. Despite hopes of being cherished and accepted, some face a harsher reality. Parents can be cold-hearted, resentful and downright hateful to their own progeny, perhaps due to their own emotional exhaustion and loss of identity.
A couple of Reddit threads saw people sharing the heartbreaking reasons their parents couldn’t love them unconditionally. The sensitive nature of the revelations reminds us that sometimes it’s not about us, but a projection of our fallible procreators' own inner wounds. Scroll below to read these validating accounts from real people who had strained relationships with their parents. As painful as it is to accept, some parents were just not ready for the task of raising children, and ended up showing their dislike through toxic behaviour that grown adults still struggle to understand and unlearn.
Image source: LugiUviyvi, freepik
My “mom” hates me, because I was born male. She felt entitled to a girl.
Image source: elliottw420, cottonbro studio
I don't really like my stepson. It may not count because he's not technically my child, but I'm the only father figure he's ever known and I feel sort of a jerk for not liking him more. To put it simply, he's the kind of kid that I hated when I was growing up. He never listens and always thinks he's smarter than adults even though his grades are bad and he can barely write. He's the kind of kid who thinks he can talk his way out of anything, no matter how blatantly wrong he is. I was always very academic growing up, went to a magnet school, and kept an intelligent circle of friends. My stepson just reminds me so much of those mouthy, stupid kids I used to look down on that I find it laborious to even like him, let alone love him. The only reason I put on a facade of affection towards him is for his mother's sake.
Early in our marriage, I tried to help him get on a better path. My stepson used to get caught cheating on tests and hiding his homework assignments from us, resulting in very embarrassing meetings with his teacher. My wife and I used to fight about it... a lot. My wife is really a wonderful person, but she comes form a culture where education is not really valued and she definitely exhibits those sentiments. Trying to get my stepson to change his habits became a 2v1 battle because his mother would always criticize me for being too harsh or disciplinarian. To her, childhood should be about being happy and having fun.
Today, quite frankly, I've stopped caring and am much happier for it. My wife raised her son by herself for 9 years before I came along and I've realized that I can't break 9 years of habit. I still don't like my stepson much. However, I fake mild affection for him so as not to destroy his self-esteem. Again, this is more for his mother's sake than his own. Truthfully, I'm just counting the days till he's out the door. I'm not terribly worried about him. He's mastered the art of making people believe his bs and in the state of today's world I know that'll get him pretty far.
Image source: anon, prostock-studio
I could never hate my kids, they are my purpose in life. But I can speak towards my mother not liking me and the answer isn't totally clear but it has a foundation of mormonism and me not accepting it as a young child. We rarely speak and if we do she's just gossiping about whoever and or telling some sad story, it's just so toxic and stupid.
Image source: Strange-Bicycle-8257, EyeEm
I have a daughter she is almost 30 and has a daughter of almost 2. She is a narcissist and her goal in life is making me as miserable as possible. I tried everything, therapy, love unconditionally, everything I could do. But all she wants is fighting, cursing, setting my family members up against me. And money, when she needs money she will text me and I am happy to hear from her. And although I am on a fixed income I give her everything she wants.
I only saw my grand daughter twice when she needed money for a dryer and another expensive thing. As a child she was a handful. Had to place her in a group home for teens with odd.
I had an accident recently and have traumatic brain damage. She can’t deal with it and broke of contact yet again. Because I sent messages of love and that is not what she want. I feel sad because she leaves a trail of broken relationships behind her, always fighting with neighbors, people on the street, her own daughter (cps is involved, everyday is someone with them) she refuses to see her sister.
I know the title says parents who truly hate their kids, I don’t hate her, I love her. But it hurts so much, so much pain and grief.
I wonder where I went wrong. So many self doubts and regrets.
Image source: Dizzygirlneedshelp, shurkin_son
I’ll answer for my parent. She had an accident. Got a brain injury and completely changed due to the brain damage. She went from the most loving mother to a complete narcissist and I was the target. Nothing can be done to change it. We tried therapy etc. doctors say it’s a side effect of the brain damage.
Image source: xyzparent, Sergey Savage
I have two boys, and I love them both very much. My 14 year old is a great kid with an awesome sense of humor. Very smart, self reliant, trustworthy, cares about other people (for a 14 year old, anyhow). Lazy, sometimes snotty, typical 14, but yeah, I like the kid.
The other is 16. Also very smart, and very, very self-centered (even for a 16 year old). Liar. Thoughtlessly treats the rest of the family like trash. Blames everyone for his own mistakes.
Part of me knows he's got issues (depression definitely - he's in therapy regularly with a therapist he really likes). And part of me knows he's 16 and 16 year olds are often self-centered and think they are invincible. And yet, when he lies to my face, calls me a jerk when I tell him to do something (from empty the dishwasher to don't smoke in my house), when I get yet another call about him being in trouble, when all he cares about is what he wants...yeah, sometimes I really don't like him and resent the hell out of him.
Trying to be the grownup here. Spend time with him, do things with him, go out of my way to find good things to say, trying to navigate these years with him. He's never been easy, but not until 8th grade did he become generally unlikable.
Oy. Parenting is not for the squeamish. I'm not proud of myself when I dislike him or resent him, but there comes a point where attitude and behavior really get to me.
Doing the best I can with the kid I've been dealt. Trying to appreciate the times when I do like him. Hoping some day he'll grow up.
Image source: vixensvicodin, Tamara Govedarovic
Not a parent, but the child. Mother resents me, I dislike her.
It's a combination of things, really. Firstly, I'm the result of my mother losing her virginity at 21 to a man she hated during a one-night stand after being dumped by her first love. She came from a pretty strict Irish Catholic family, and there are family members who refuse to meet me because I was conceived/born out of wedlock. Even though she later married that first love (the man who raised me/I consider to my be dad), I am a walking reminder of a shame she never washed off and something that ruined her life.
She has been depressed since her mid-teens, but is also very selfish, vindictive, childish and quick-tempered. She resents me for recovering from the same depression and massive weight gain/insecurities she went through, for going to college (she alternates between saying she never wanted to go to college or saying that she was never "allowed" - depending on how much of a victim she feels that day), for the good relationship I have with my siblings and for being young and (relatively) happy in general. It was mainly her attitude towards me that let me know I was different from my siblings (i.e. had a different father) years before my step-dad told me when I was 11.
Image source: Dragmom, New Africa
Hate isn’t the right word, but sadness and disappointment would be more accurate.
Basically, I’m the child of 2 parents who are very low/no empathy. Assumed it was because of their traumatic childhoods (and that’s likely partially true, but not entirely).
Gave birth to 2 kids, 1 of whom is similar to my parents in lack of empathy. Appears to be a genetic component that doesn’t affect me, but I passed it on nonetheless.
Image source: AustralianBattleDog, fromkazanwithlove
Not a parent, but probably the resented child here.
My brother and I are close in age, and things were pretty good when we were younger. Maybe I was favored at the time. I don't remember too much. But as I got older, a personality difference developed, and we clashed a lot.
A lot of it might have to do with the fact that my mom had trouble conceiving, and on top of her in laws giving her hell for not being the pefect catholic wife, I was wanted, but very expensive and the result of a lot of emotional trouble. And my mom's a girly girl and wanted a perfect little princess to dress up and do girl things with. I ended up a tomboy with mostly male and tomboy friends, and had more in common with my brother in tastes and interests. This was at it's worst in high school, when we fought endlessly over clothes (I was a hot topic girl and shopped from the men's department everywhere else, and she bought me the frilliest clothes imagineable if she could). When it came to college majors, she refused help for everything except healthcare at a community college, and even then didn't help when she promised.
Meanwhile, my brother, who came along easier and didn't feel forced by family, ended up liking all the fancy stuff my mom does. She didn't get her perfect Austen girl, but she got a wannabe Mr. Darcy. He bought the clothes she liked, liked going to fancy events, had the right friends, popular with the ladies, and got encouraged and all the financial help he asked for when it came to a college degree in theater rigging. She would help with his rent and grocery bills, but wouldn't spot me twenty bucks for gas to drive to my internship an hour and a half away on a hard week where work got cancelled.
I know she loves me, but doesn't like me. Okay, I can deal with it. But to the parents who do have obvious favorites, treat the kids equally. For the love of all that you find holy, don't dish out assistance or punishments unevenly. We aren't stupid, and it's the easiest way to alienate at least one kid, maybe both if they're close despite the issues.
Image source: anon, Kindel Media
I resent my son sometimes. I had him at 19 and his father waited until he was 4 to engage in his life. However over the years his dad fills my son's head with anything my son wants to hear and never follows through. His dad works under the table so that child support doesn't auto deduct his pay allowing his dad to rank up10k in back payments. Now here is the part that frustrates me. At school or upon meeting someone. My son likes to throw my husband and I under the bus. I am unable to work so my husband ( his step dad) works and supports him. My son's biological father will buy my son xbox,iphone, 3ds etc and get upset when I need to take them away from my son. I tell my son he can earn them back etc. What really makes me resentful is my son tells everyone how terrible we are. Never once has he said anything about his dad. this dad constantly breaks promises. Doesn't show up or call during a planned visitation. Tells my son he can move in with me anytime he wants. Then tells me he can't afford to behind my sons back. My husband has been 100 percent paying my sons food clothing shelter alone for 8 years without my sons father paying us a dime. His father also found it acceptable while working under the table to collect unemployment. The only thing my sons father buts for my son is an electronic device to hold over my head. (he bought item how can i punish my son from said item?) I find it very difficult to not feel resentful towards my sons attitude about my husband and I. We cannot afford expensive electronics. We do buy him everything he needs and he always gets what we can do for birthdays and christmas. I do try to remember that dad is making himself look good but my sons attitude is difficult.
Image source: pinkempyreal, dotshock
I don't have kids but my boyfriend does... I find that I dislike them sometimes because they are so selfish and 'me-centric' (as are most kids). I'm not used to being selfless 100% of the time when they are around. I often wonder if they were MY kids, would I feel the same way?
Image source: I_Must_Throw_Away, Ron Lach
Needed to create a throw away for this...
Let me preface this with saying I do love my son very much, but I do feel resentful at times. It's not his fault, I recognize that, and I take that into mind with each interaction I do to try and make him not feel it.
My son was diagnosed with autism earlier this year. I had been trying to get him diagnosed since he was 2 or 3, he is now 5.
But it doesn't change that while I had no idea what was going on, my son was very... independent. He didn't enjoy cuddling much ( that's changed a bit thankfully ), he didn't like it when we would try to interact with him, to play with him, he would just take his toy, turn, and go back to usually flipping it around and clapping.
He is not conversationally verbal, though he does speak. He lets me know when he wants something, such as lunch or if he needs to go to the bathroom, but I can't ask my son how school was, or why he's sad and get an answer. And it's heartbreaking. I recently watched Mr. Holland's Opus, and the scene where the wife/mother is screaming at him because their son can't hear, and she just comes unhinged at Holland. Even though they are different scenarios, the message was the same "I want to talk to my son". I'm not a terribly empathic person. i don't usually relate to movies or songs... and that scene got me to break down crying, because I know that frustration... and I know the pain of not being able to give your child what he needs because you can't understand him.
We have been working on getting him the therapies he needs ( speech, occupation, and ABA ), and hope to see improvement soon.
My fiance explained it in a better way than I could, with how my resentment is. I, like many parents, envisioned a different future for my child. My fiance likened it to wanting to go to Paris your whole life. You prepare, you plan your trip so perfectly, you know exactly what you're going to go, when you're going to do it. Everything is great.
And then your plane lands in Rome. Is Rome terrible? Absolutely not. It has some amazing sights. But my plan was Paris. And I understand that this is something I need to get past, that it's not a problem with my son. But knowing things logically, and doing things emotionally don't always coexist.
Image source: anon, cottonbro studio
I feel like my parents hate my brother. Something is wrong with him - he suffers from uncontrollable anger, mood swings, depression. He is also a jerk - he still lives at home, is very disrespectful of them, never apologies to them, steals money/cigs from them, has his two creepy friends come over EVERY night.
The negative behaviors started 3-4 years ago. My parents probably put in effort for 2 years - taking him to different doctors and therapists. Although his behavior basically is steady thanks to medication (perhaps 1 violent outburst every 6 weeks), he's still a jerk.
Aside from getting his meds adjusted as needed, my parents have genuinely stopped caring. I think they really resent his behavior/choices because this all went down went they were basically on the edge of "the best years"/close enough for retirement.
Image source: GertieFlyyyy, EyeEm
Step mom here. I have three step kids and I absolutely have different feelings about them.
The youngest, my step daughter, is 4. She's my little princess. She doesn't remember a time without me around, I came into the picture when she was 1.
The middle, a boy, is 10. He's a lot like his dad. Needs a lot of attention. Can be frustrating, but he is very curious and empathetic.
The oldest, a boy, 12, is my least favorite. I resent him a lot. He's careless, insensitive, has rage issues (broke his hand punching a wall after he threw and broke his cellphone because he was pissed about a video game. Yes, we sent him to counseling.) and is an absolute slob (he keeps his room pristine. Anywhere else he just throws things anywhere he wants) He is the biggest pain in the neck. He always beats up on his brother, he doesn't listen, complains and screams when he has to help around the house... yeah. In general, a nightmare. But when he wants to be, he is so clever and funny and cool. He can be a great kid, he just chooses to be a jerk. I resent him because he causes so much conflict when I KNOW he's doing it just for fun. Part of it is his age, yes, but this has been building slowly since I met him (he was 8 when I met him).
We all have a great relationship, especially one-on-one. I love them all and care about them very much. But his negative behavior puts me on edge and definitely effects my attitude towards him. I'm much quicker to reprimand him than his siblings. I dread his negativity. Makes it harder to enjoy the good times.
Image source: anon, EyeEm
Dad here. Love my son more than anything (he's in preschool). During the tough times, like when he's not behaving, I start to really miss our days as a childless couple. Other parents told me the same thing. But I in no way resent him. Wife and I made the choice to have a child.
I'm by no means the best dad. But I really try. My biggest worry is he'll grow up to resent me for whatever reason (unfounded fear, I guess). I just want him to be a happy, productive member of society.
Image source: tentonbudgie, cottonbro studio
One of my daughters sees right through me and knows I favor the other one. And I do. There's no doubt in my mind that I do, and that the other daughter knows.
So, now what do I do? I know for a fact that my father loved my sister and barely tolerated my presence. This affected me very much through my adolescent development.
I have decided to engage with the daughter who sees me as favoring the other in some kind of hobby so we can grow closer together over time. That's what it's going to have to be.
That's the best thing I have come up with.
#1
Image source: LugiUviyvi, freepik
My “mom” hates me, because I was born male. She felt entitled to a girl.
#2
Image source: elliottw420, cottonbro studio
I don't really like my stepson. It may not count because he's not technically my child, but I'm the only father figure he's ever known and I feel sort of a jerk for not liking him more. To put it simply, he's the kind of kid that I hated when I was growing up. He never listens and always thinks he's smarter than adults even though his grades are bad and he can barely write. He's the kind of kid who thinks he can talk his way out of anything, no matter how blatantly wrong he is. I was always very academic growing up, went to a magnet school, and kept an intelligent circle of friends. My stepson just reminds me so much of those mouthy, stupid kids I used to look down on that I find it laborious to even like him, let alone love him. The only reason I put on a facade of affection towards him is for his mother's sake.
Early in our marriage, I tried to help him get on a better path. My stepson used to get caught cheating on tests and hiding his homework assignments from us, resulting in very embarrassing meetings with his teacher. My wife and I used to fight about it... a lot. My wife is really a wonderful person, but she comes form a culture where education is not really valued and she definitely exhibits those sentiments. Trying to get my stepson to change his habits became a 2v1 battle because his mother would always criticize me for being too harsh or disciplinarian. To her, childhood should be about being happy and having fun.
Today, quite frankly, I've stopped caring and am much happier for it. My wife raised her son by herself for 9 years before I came along and I've realized that I can't break 9 years of habit. I still don't like my stepson much. However, I fake mild affection for him so as not to destroy his self-esteem. Again, this is more for his mother's sake than his own. Truthfully, I'm just counting the days till he's out the door. I'm not terribly worried about him. He's mastered the art of making people believe his bs and in the state of today's world I know that'll get him pretty far.
#3
My mother had 7 kids. My mother didn’t like the girls much and fawned over the boys. The result, 3 feminist women who don’t want kids. Hmmm . I wish people would stop having children because they think they must have them. Unloved kids become adults who feel unloveable. Image source: Teddi_the_vegan#4
Image source: anon, prostock-studio
I could never hate my kids, they are my purpose in life. But I can speak towards my mother not liking me and the answer isn't totally clear but it has a foundation of mormonism and me not accepting it as a young child. We rarely speak and if we do she's just gossiping about whoever and or telling some sad story, it's just so toxic and stupid.
#5
Image source: Strange-Bicycle-8257, EyeEm
I have a daughter she is almost 30 and has a daughter of almost 2. She is a narcissist and her goal in life is making me as miserable as possible. I tried everything, therapy, love unconditionally, everything I could do. But all she wants is fighting, cursing, setting my family members up against me. And money, when she needs money she will text me and I am happy to hear from her. And although I am on a fixed income I give her everything she wants.
I only saw my grand daughter twice when she needed money for a dryer and another expensive thing. As a child she was a handful. Had to place her in a group home for teens with odd.
I had an accident recently and have traumatic brain damage. She can’t deal with it and broke of contact yet again. Because I sent messages of love and that is not what she want. I feel sad because she leaves a trail of broken relationships behind her, always fighting with neighbors, people on the street, her own daughter (cps is involved, everyday is someone with them) she refuses to see her sister.
I know the title says parents who truly hate their kids, I don’t hate her, I love her. But it hurts so much, so much pain and grief.
I wonder where I went wrong. So many self doubts and regrets.
#6
Image source: Dizzygirlneedshelp, shurkin_son
I’ll answer for my parent. She had an accident. Got a brain injury and completely changed due to the brain damage. She went from the most loving mother to a complete narcissist and I was the target. Nothing can be done to change it. We tried therapy etc. doctors say it’s a side effect of the brain damage.
#7
Image source: xyzparent, Sergey Savage
I have two boys, and I love them both very much. My 14 year old is a great kid with an awesome sense of humor. Very smart, self reliant, trustworthy, cares about other people (for a 14 year old, anyhow). Lazy, sometimes snotty, typical 14, but yeah, I like the kid.
The other is 16. Also very smart, and very, very self-centered (even for a 16 year old). Liar. Thoughtlessly treats the rest of the family like trash. Blames everyone for his own mistakes.
Part of me knows he's got issues (depression definitely - he's in therapy regularly with a therapist he really likes). And part of me knows he's 16 and 16 year olds are often self-centered and think they are invincible. And yet, when he lies to my face, calls me a jerk when I tell him to do something (from empty the dishwasher to don't smoke in my house), when I get yet another call about him being in trouble, when all he cares about is what he wants...yeah, sometimes I really don't like him and resent the hell out of him.
Trying to be the grownup here. Spend time with him, do things with him, go out of my way to find good things to say, trying to navigate these years with him. He's never been easy, but not until 8th grade did he become generally unlikable.
Oy. Parenting is not for the squeamish. I'm not proud of myself when I dislike him or resent him, but there comes a point where attitude and behavior really get to me.
Doing the best I can with the kid I've been dealt. Trying to appreciate the times when I do like him. Hoping some day he'll grow up.
#8
Image source: vixensvicodin, Tamara Govedarovic
Not a parent, but the child. Mother resents me, I dislike her.
It's a combination of things, really. Firstly, I'm the result of my mother losing her virginity at 21 to a man she hated during a one-night stand after being dumped by her first love. She came from a pretty strict Irish Catholic family, and there are family members who refuse to meet me because I was conceived/born out of wedlock. Even though she later married that first love (the man who raised me/I consider to my be dad), I am a walking reminder of a shame she never washed off and something that ruined her life.
She has been depressed since her mid-teens, but is also very selfish, vindictive, childish and quick-tempered. She resents me for recovering from the same depression and massive weight gain/insecurities she went through, for going to college (she alternates between saying she never wanted to go to college or saying that she was never "allowed" - depending on how much of a victim she feels that day), for the good relationship I have with my siblings and for being young and (relatively) happy in general. It was mainly her attitude towards me that let me know I was different from my siblings (i.e. had a different father) years before my step-dad told me when I was 11.
#9
Image source: Dragmom, New Africa
Hate isn’t the right word, but sadness and disappointment would be more accurate.
Basically, I’m the child of 2 parents who are very low/no empathy. Assumed it was because of their traumatic childhoods (and that’s likely partially true, but not entirely).
Gave birth to 2 kids, 1 of whom is similar to my parents in lack of empathy. Appears to be a genetic component that doesn’t affect me, but I passed it on nonetheless.
#10
Image source: AustralianBattleDog, fromkazanwithlove
Not a parent, but probably the resented child here.
My brother and I are close in age, and things were pretty good when we were younger. Maybe I was favored at the time. I don't remember too much. But as I got older, a personality difference developed, and we clashed a lot.
A lot of it might have to do with the fact that my mom had trouble conceiving, and on top of her in laws giving her hell for not being the pefect catholic wife, I was wanted, but very expensive and the result of a lot of emotional trouble. And my mom's a girly girl and wanted a perfect little princess to dress up and do girl things with. I ended up a tomboy with mostly male and tomboy friends, and had more in common with my brother in tastes and interests. This was at it's worst in high school, when we fought endlessly over clothes (I was a hot topic girl and shopped from the men's department everywhere else, and she bought me the frilliest clothes imagineable if she could). When it came to college majors, she refused help for everything except healthcare at a community college, and even then didn't help when she promised.
Meanwhile, my brother, who came along easier and didn't feel forced by family, ended up liking all the fancy stuff my mom does. She didn't get her perfect Austen girl, but she got a wannabe Mr. Darcy. He bought the clothes she liked, liked going to fancy events, had the right friends, popular with the ladies, and got encouraged and all the financial help he asked for when it came to a college degree in theater rigging. She would help with his rent and grocery bills, but wouldn't spot me twenty bucks for gas to drive to my internship an hour and a half away on a hard week where work got cancelled.
I know she loves me, but doesn't like me. Okay, I can deal with it. But to the parents who do have obvious favorites, treat the kids equally. For the love of all that you find holy, don't dish out assistance or punishments unevenly. We aren't stupid, and it's the easiest way to alienate at least one kid, maybe both if they're close despite the issues.
#11
Image source: anon, Kindel Media
I resent my son sometimes. I had him at 19 and his father waited until he was 4 to engage in his life. However over the years his dad fills my son's head with anything my son wants to hear and never follows through. His dad works under the table so that child support doesn't auto deduct his pay allowing his dad to rank up10k in back payments. Now here is the part that frustrates me. At school or upon meeting someone. My son likes to throw my husband and I under the bus. I am unable to work so my husband ( his step dad) works and supports him. My son's biological father will buy my son xbox,iphone, 3ds etc and get upset when I need to take them away from my son. I tell my son he can earn them back etc. What really makes me resentful is my son tells everyone how terrible we are. Never once has he said anything about his dad. this dad constantly breaks promises. Doesn't show up or call during a planned visitation. Tells my son he can move in with me anytime he wants. Then tells me he can't afford to behind my sons back. My husband has been 100 percent paying my sons food clothing shelter alone for 8 years without my sons father paying us a dime. His father also found it acceptable while working under the table to collect unemployment. The only thing my sons father buts for my son is an electronic device to hold over my head. (he bought item how can i punish my son from said item?) I find it very difficult to not feel resentful towards my sons attitude about my husband and I. We cannot afford expensive electronics. We do buy him everything he needs and he always gets what we can do for birthdays and christmas. I do try to remember that dad is making himself look good but my sons attitude is difficult.
#12
Image source: pinkempyreal, dotshock
I don't have kids but my boyfriend does... I find that I dislike them sometimes because they are so selfish and 'me-centric' (as are most kids). I'm not used to being selfless 100% of the time when they are around. I often wonder if they were MY kids, would I feel the same way?
#13
Mother got divorced shortly after I was born leading me to think I was a last ditch effort to save their failing marriage. Then she got pregnant with and married a guy that all but my oldest biological brother hated.he really didn't like me and that led to my mom resenting me for putting a strain on her marriage.fast forward to last year,I found out he was cheating on her. I told her about it and she chose to believe I was lying. Image source: icantmakeusernames#14
Image source: I_Must_Throw_Away, Ron Lach
Needed to create a throw away for this...
Let me preface this with saying I do love my son very much, but I do feel resentful at times. It's not his fault, I recognize that, and I take that into mind with each interaction I do to try and make him not feel it.
My son was diagnosed with autism earlier this year. I had been trying to get him diagnosed since he was 2 or 3, he is now 5.
But it doesn't change that while I had no idea what was going on, my son was very... independent. He didn't enjoy cuddling much ( that's changed a bit thankfully ), he didn't like it when we would try to interact with him, to play with him, he would just take his toy, turn, and go back to usually flipping it around and clapping.
He is not conversationally verbal, though he does speak. He lets me know when he wants something, such as lunch or if he needs to go to the bathroom, but I can't ask my son how school was, or why he's sad and get an answer. And it's heartbreaking. I recently watched Mr. Holland's Opus, and the scene where the wife/mother is screaming at him because their son can't hear, and she just comes unhinged at Holland. Even though they are different scenarios, the message was the same "I want to talk to my son". I'm not a terribly empathic person. i don't usually relate to movies or songs... and that scene got me to break down crying, because I know that frustration... and I know the pain of not being able to give your child what he needs because you can't understand him.
We have been working on getting him the therapies he needs ( speech, occupation, and ABA ), and hope to see improvement soon.
My fiance explained it in a better way than I could, with how my resentment is. I, like many parents, envisioned a different future for my child. My fiance likened it to wanting to go to Paris your whole life. You prepare, you plan your trip so perfectly, you know exactly what you're going to go, when you're going to do it. Everything is great.
And then your plane lands in Rome. Is Rome terrible? Absolutely not. It has some amazing sights. But my plan was Paris. And I understand that this is something I need to get past, that it's not a problem with my son. But knowing things logically, and doing things emotionally don't always coexist.
#15
My mother told me a few years ago that she didn't like me when I was a kid. I wasn't a bad kid at all, she just didn't like me. And I knew it. I remember I once said to my aunt that my mom didn't like me but that it was okay since I didn't like her either. I was 5. Of course I loved my mom but pretending not to was the only thing I had come up with. Also, I have a younger brother and he was clearly the sun in her life. I still had a great childhood, thanks to my dad who loves me enough for both of them and took care of me (best dad ever, really). When I left for college, we had an intense conversation and she apologized, broke down in tears on my shoulder, it was awful. I learned that day that she went through a bad depression after I was born and only got out of it when she had my brother, but still couldn't love me. It was so unfair, I didn't deserve any of this, I was just a baby / little girl. I know now that I needed it, just so I could forgive her, I needed to hear it but while it was happening I felt nothing and I was terrified that she had ruined me and made me a cold hearted person. I know I have some issues directly related to the fact that I didn't have my mother's love when I was little and that it really messed me up at some point but I'm slowly getting over it. A few years later, my mom and I are building a great relationship, we actually have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company, but we're more like friends, not like mother / daughter. All I can say is : if you don't love / like your kid, for whatever reason, and still care about them, juste make sure they don't know / feel it. Some things can't be fixed. Image source: anon#16
I'm the kid, not the parent. My mom doesn't like me. I am certain she loves me, but never wanted kids so having me kind of threw a wrench in things. She got over it enough to raise me, but, as grown women, we don't have much in common. Our personalities and preferences and goals and dis/likes are total opposites, so we don't really mesh. She'd never openly admit it, but she wishes I were social and charming and dreamy, like she is. I'm not. We try to get along, the woman gave me life after all, but its tough most of the time. Image source: abqkat#17
Image source: anon, cottonbro studio
I feel like my parents hate my brother. Something is wrong with him - he suffers from uncontrollable anger, mood swings, depression. He is also a jerk - he still lives at home, is very disrespectful of them, never apologies to them, steals money/cigs from them, has his two creepy friends come over EVERY night.
The negative behaviors started 3-4 years ago. My parents probably put in effort for 2 years - taking him to different doctors and therapists. Although his behavior basically is steady thanks to medication (perhaps 1 violent outburst every 6 weeks), he's still a jerk.
Aside from getting his meds adjusted as needed, my parents have genuinely stopped caring. I think they really resent his behavior/choices because this all went down went they were basically on the edge of "the best years"/close enough for retirement.
#18
I think I'm the favoured child in these circumstances. My dad prefers all MY hobbies, and the things I do to those my sister does, but maybe that's because I'm a boy so my hobbies relate more. Either way, I kinda resent having to remind him that my sister does things worth congratulations as well as me. I'd even go so far as to say that she accomplishes more than me, but my dad doesn't recognise it because I'm the boy and get more focus. Image source: anon#19
I love both my kids, but at times, they annoy me. They're 4 and 6 and I strongly suspect they may be smarter than me. They challenge my wife and I constantly, fight us, undermine us, pit us against each other...... But they're bloody awesome the rest of the time and that really does make up for the things they throw down. In a moment, I may be angry with them, or frustrated to the point of just needing to scream, but no, I can't think of a time where I would say I've resented them or actively disliked either of them for more than a passing moment. And beyond any of the rest of it, You don't need to like your children to love them. Image source: ecclectic#20
Image source: GertieFlyyyy, EyeEm
Step mom here. I have three step kids and I absolutely have different feelings about them.
The youngest, my step daughter, is 4. She's my little princess. She doesn't remember a time without me around, I came into the picture when she was 1.
The middle, a boy, is 10. He's a lot like his dad. Needs a lot of attention. Can be frustrating, but he is very curious and empathetic.
The oldest, a boy, 12, is my least favorite. I resent him a lot. He's careless, insensitive, has rage issues (broke his hand punching a wall after he threw and broke his cellphone because he was pissed about a video game. Yes, we sent him to counseling.) and is an absolute slob (he keeps his room pristine. Anywhere else he just throws things anywhere he wants) He is the biggest pain in the neck. He always beats up on his brother, he doesn't listen, complains and screams when he has to help around the house... yeah. In general, a nightmare. But when he wants to be, he is so clever and funny and cool. He can be a great kid, he just chooses to be a jerk. I resent him because he causes so much conflict when I KNOW he's doing it just for fun. Part of it is his age, yes, but this has been building slowly since I met him (he was 8 when I met him).
We all have a great relationship, especially one-on-one. I love them all and care about them very much. But his negative behavior puts me on edge and definitely effects my attitude towards him. I'm much quicker to reprimand him than his siblings. I dread his negativity. Makes it harder to enjoy the good times.
#21
My dad tries to care about me as he does my sister but I know he favors her and I dont really care she's a lot more alike him than I am and that works for them. My mom is stricter on me than my sister or brother just because I have a lot more health problems but as much as I'd like to say she favors me (we get along a lot more than me and my father) she favors my sister and my mentally challenged (like autistic but not) older brother (hes from from her first marriage). My parents love me because I'm not nearly as much of a pain in the neck as my two older siblings my brother has bipolar and an anger something or another and my sister has a short fuse and I dont have anything so I'm easier to mull along. I dont mind not being a favorite honestly, I'm a laid back guy and I just dont get mad its not my thing. Image source: Brittle_Bones_Bishop#22
Less favored of 2 children here. My older brother was diagnosed early with ADHD and my parents took that as a mental issue that was out of his control and something they needed to help him with by taking it easy on him and pampering. When I came around and didn't have the same issues I was stuck with much higher expectations than my "mentally handicapped" brother. This led to a good amount of tension and problems growing up. I know my parents still care about me in a way of they don't want to see me out on the street, but its obvious to everyone that my brother has always been treated better and that I'm more tolerated than appreciated. Extended family like us both equally though. Image source: Spelchek860#23
Image source: anon, EyeEm
Dad here. Love my son more than anything (he's in preschool). During the tough times, like when he's not behaving, I start to really miss our days as a childless couple. Other parents told me the same thing. But I in no way resent him. Wife and I made the choice to have a child.
I'm by no means the best dad. But I really try. My biggest worry is he'll grow up to resent me for whatever reason (unfounded fear, I guess). I just want him to be a happy, productive member of society.
#24
Image source: tentonbudgie, cottonbro studio
One of my daughters sees right through me and knows I favor the other one. And I do. There's no doubt in my mind that I do, and that the other daughter knows.
So, now what do I do? I know for a fact that my father loved my sister and barely tolerated my presence. This affected me very much through my adolescent development.
I have decided to engage with the daughter who sees me as favoring the other in some kind of hobby so we can grow closer together over time. That's what it's going to have to be.
That's the best thing I have come up with.
#25
Not a father, but, I think my stepfather favors me more than his own two daughters (My step-sisters). Growing up, they lived with his ex-wife, but, visited a lot since we lived like 100 miles apart, they were essentially part-time real sisters to me. That said, one of them is successful now has a husband and daugher, has been through college with a stable life. The other one has a messed up life and is just now getting settled down / sorted out. Growing up and even now, compared to me, they can do no wrong; like. . . he will forgive them for anything, etc. Wait, didn't I say I thought he prefered me? Yes, I did; despite being the one of the three he holds to the highest standard he also cries a lot when I'm having difficulty in life, is always there to help me, is lenient when he finally realizes I can't always fix everything wrong with me, he's raised me since I was a one year old and I see him as my father even though I still call him by his first name. I honestly think the fact he holds me to a higher standard is part of him caring. Image source: AlashionDE
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