25 Pregnancy, Birth & Postpartum Related Facts Women Found Out The Hard Way

There are some things that we know to expect when pregnant, but according to many women there is quite a bit we are unaware of at the same time. The lack of information may be because the whole experience of childbirth is so shocking to the system. People don't necessarily want to relive the experience by talking about the more gruesome aspects involved. But there are some unexpected sides to giving birth that could do with more public awareness, according to women online. With that intent in mind, a Reddit question asking, "What's something that they never tell us about pregnancy and childbirth?" gained a lot of traction online. Quite a few mothers shared the most surprisingly traumatic things they went through, that they wish they knew to expect earlier and we've chronicled a list of them in the gallery below.

#1

Image source: Rogleson, Getty Images / Unsplash That you can get a free sample packet of just about every mental illness there is either while pregnant or post-partum. salaciousremoval: We really don’t talk about this enough. The hormones are so endlessly complicated and like, we’re expected to go back to work at six weeks over here??? vegeterin: It’s really insane to me that hormone fluctuations aren’t understood and taken more seriously in general. Even “PMSing” is kind of seen as a joke, like “Oh my god, pop a midol and calm down!”… Meanwhile, hormones can legitimately make you s***idal.

#2

Image source: Top-Artichoke-5875, Olivia Anne Snyder / Unsplash How animalistic the whole process is. If you have any fantasies about how 'special' humans are, you will quickly realise that nope, we're just chimps with really short hair. Not a bad lesson really. heathcliffscroissant: All the videos I watched leading up to birth talked about the “mooing” sound women tend to make during later-stage contractions. I thought, “Yeah, that won’t be me.” Nope, I was a certified cow during that transitional stage lol. TheDreamingMyriad: I had a nurse "help" me moo. I was kind of shrieking and she was like, "no, go lower, low and long, low and long." I was immediately annoyed but the next one I went low and it honestly did help me through the contractions better. Must be some primal thing.

#3

Image source: Newby918 You go from having so much medical attention - monthly, weekly, even daily visits to your OB at the end, to absolutely no support after you give birth and are discharged. No one cares how you're doing, and you get no medical attention until your 6 week checkup, to see if you're ready to begin meeting the sexual needs of your spouse. It's just gross how women are treated by the medical community. towlette-petatucci: I agree here- was pretty floored to learn this was the case, even with stitches, hell, it seems insane even if your birth is uncomplicated. Youre told to bring it up to the pediatrician…like, if your stitches were done poorly, no one knows until it has healed enough that theyd need to cut you again. And that the cleared at six weeks thing is about when your male partner can penetrate you without you dying of a uterine infection. Doesnt have a lot to do with when youre actually ready for sex or when it actually feels even tolerable to you. Its disgusting and Im happy someone mentioned it.

#4

Image source: BigMik_PL, Juliia Abramova / Unsplash How long you bleed after. YouMustBeJoking888: And the AMOUNT you bleed. I was changing pads every hour and that still wasn't enough. Chemical-Scallion842: And the colors it turns. camperbunny: And the STINK, am i right???? Dear lord. NOBODY prepared me for any of that.

#5

Image source: 9kaypay9, A. C. / Unsplash Post partum depression and Postpartum anxiety is real. You can hate and love too much that tiny human you just made. Sleep deprivation is not for the weak. It really sucks and will never be easy. At least not until your child does a full night. Be communicative about your needs. Don’t feel bad for asking for help and set boundaries with people who want to visit. the_zoo_princess: And that anxiety when they do sleep through the night for the first time. You wake up every few hours and have to make sure they're breathing because there's just no way they're just asleep... then youre kicking yourself when they do wake up because you didnt get sleep because you were too worried to sleep.

#6

Image source: Antique_Ad4497, Mohammad Hossein Farahzadi / Unsplash That it’s life-threatening. I was sick throughout my pregnancy, to the point I had two stints in hospital on drips & anti nausea medication. That almost k**led us both. Then the birth (two months early) was traumatic & also nearly k**led us. I lost almost half my blood, required several blood transfusions, and spent a month in hospital. Our daughter was in a neonatal unit for two months & was allowed to bring her home Christmas Eve, weighing 4lbs 10oz. My late husband who was a Royal Marine had PTSD from the birth, and he had seen combat by then. He was k**led in action when our daughter was 17 & missed her graduation to become a Dr at a children’s hospital & her getting married & having twin girls. His photo is everywhere in her house, which is tough going for me, even 20 years on from his death. But she was worth all the trauma & her dad would be so proud of her today. ❤️.

#7

Image source: LoveSuccessful, Getty Images / Unsplash There is no "safe zone." People tend to think that once you get past the 1st trimester you're guaranteed a living baby, but that's not the case. Also that after loss, you still go through all things post partum, just with empty arms: leaking milk, bleeding, hormonal swings... RayJCee: For me it was slowly getting statistics back from your ultrasounds, and how hopeful it makes you. My chance of loss was less than 0.5%. I spontaneously went into labour at 21 weeks a few days ago, and our son passed in our arms. There is no reason for why yet. I did every single thing exactly as I was supposed to. So far the phantom kicks are the worst part postpartum (physically) for me. The emotional part.... I feel as though I'll never recover.

#8

Image source: GirlWhoWoreGlasses, Jonathan Cooper / Unsplash How long you bleed after. YouMustBeJoking888: And the AMOUNT you bleed. I was changing pads every hour and that still wasn't enough. Chemical-Scallion842: And the colors it turns. camperbunny: And the STINK, am i right???? Dear lord. NOBODY prepared me for any of that.

#9

Image source: GoodAlicia, SoyBreno / Unsplash You can lose your teeth or your teeth will decay easily. Like no matter how well you brush, floss, rinse, etc. You will end up with cavities every time you see the dentist. StarTruckNxtGyration: I’m sorry, what? Pregnancy and child breath gives you bad teeth!? MisterRogersCardigan: I had hyperemesis gravidarum with my first pregnancy (basically, "morning" sickness that wants you dead. Medication, IVs to rehydrate you because you can't stop vomiting no matter what, hospitalization, PICC lines, tube feeding, etc). I had three root canals, lost a tooth, and pretty much everything else was drilled and filled. It was like two years of dental appointments every three weeks to repair all of the damage my first pregnancy caused. A lot of my fellow HG'ers have similar stories. Pregnancy, especially difficult pregnancy, is hell on your teeth. PhantomIridescence: The calcium that would otherwise be strengthening your own teeth is being redirected to help build the skeleton of a whole new human. Your teeth can become brittle, sensitive, fragile, etc. You can also gain stiffness and lose flexibility in places that have cartilage, and because all that keratin is ALSO being rerouted to prioritize a baby you can have hair and nail loss.

#10

Image source: breeeee27, Daniel Martinez / Unsplash The first time you poop after giving birth. Oh my god right up there with childbirth. Dreamfinder82: I FaceTimed my mother butt naked on the toilet sobbing about how I was going to die sh**ting. In all of my pain, I forgot it was Christmas and she was at a table full of family, hoping to see the baby. sydnik: I literally was in the bathroom not thinking I was going to make it thru that first poop. The pain meds and stool softener can only do so much!!!

#11

Image source: Alternative_Big545, Gabriel Dizzi / Unsplash That if the birth is bad enough you can have PTSD. TheThiefEmpress: Yeah. Mine was bad enough my husband also got PTSD from it. TiredWorkaholic7: And yet people are always like "Aww, don't you want another one?" as if this was the easiest task ever People die from childbirth, Gertrude. And surviving the birth process doesn't mean everything is fine afterwards....

#12

Image source: SweaterSteve1966, freepik It hurts SO much. ‘I was told ‘You won’t remember the pain” F**k you Auntie Genie!!!!! I remember! I remember the pain 20 years later! harlot-bronte: I remember it viscerally. I said to my husband I know how an animal caught in a trap feels - I would have gnawed off my own arm to stop the pain. I couldn't even cry it was so painful.

#13

Image source: PumpkinPure5643, Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash That you basically get abandoned after you give birth because it’s all about the baby. Family doesn’t care, friends don’t care, your own nurses ask more about the baby than you. It’s so sad and we wonder why moms get depressed. Sorrelmare9: I always feel awful when I read about this on the internet, like why can’t we appreciate the poor woman who is currently freaking exhausted?!

#14

Image source: Jeansiesicle, Jonathan Borba / Unsplash The sheer indignity of the whole process. Your cooter is out for everyone to see. You get it out at every doctor visit, it's obviously out during child birth. If you have a c-section, that time you are lying on your back after the spinal block, nursing are coming in and cleaning you up, all in your business. You can't move or help because you're basically paralyzed. Then, if you breastfeed, your b***s are out all the time. Motherhood really isn't for those that are modest about their bodies. Elexandros: I remember I had to prove I could pee on my own…but it was like I forgot how. My nurse decided to try dropping peppermint oil into the toilet…while I was on it. So I’m on a toilet, a diaper around my ankles, hospital gown basically falling off of me and trying to pee in front of this lady. Shame did not exist. I didn’t care. But the peppermint oil worked and we both cheered!

#15

A positive pregnancy test does not guarantee a baby. So many people think that pregnancy equals a living, breathing infant. That is not always the case. I know, I've had five pregnancies and no living kids. To have the joy of a positive test snatched away from you, and to be filled with dread at a positive vs excitement and hope....is quite the experience. Image source: JustMeerkats

#16

Image source: TheMoralBi**h, Chris Barbalis / Unsplash You'll likely go up at least one shoe width size, and that may end up being permanent. Honest-Frame4149: Oh yes, I went from 8.5 to 10 over the course of four pregnancies. My feet are huge now? sarahsmiles17: Most women need entirely new wardrobes after birth, including shoes, because of how much our bodies change during pregnancy. It’s wild. Not to mention all the maternity clothes too to accommodate a growing belly.

#17

Image source: question_girl617, engin akyurt / Unsplash C-section recovery. I didn’t anticipate having a c-section but after 20 hours of labor, we had an emergency cesarean. Nobody warned me about the recovery and how difficult it is to be recovering from abdominal surgery with a newborn. GlumDistribution7036: Or how quickly everyone loses sight of the fact you’ve just had major abdominal surgery when there’s a newborn to keep alive. I remember being a week post surgery, still unable to lift stuff, and I asked my partner to bring a laundry basket into the laundry room and he asked me why I couldn’t do it. Same with driving places. I had to repeatedly remind people I wasn’t cleared to drive. And some of their reactions were along the lines of: “Really? You’re actually not driving? Isn’t that overkill?” One of my friends had to go back into the hospital because she forgot the stair rule and ran up a flight of stairs, tearing her stitches.

#18

The sheer number of complications that can happen that you’re told are “normal” (as in it happens regularly) are ASTOUNDING. You can fracture your tailbone during child birth. Happened to me, and to another woman in my mommy and me group. Normal! You can have nerve damage/compression during childbirth that makes your leg(s) so numb you cannot move them or walk afterward, sometimes for days, and nerve pain can continue for any amount of time. Normal! Happened to a friend. During pregnancy, you can release too much of a hormone called relaxin (which, aptly, relaxes your ligaments to prepare for childbirth), which causes the ligaments in your groin to loosen so much it is extremely painful to try to use them, making it impossible to even roll over in bed or get out of bed without pain— you need to use your hands to lift and move your legs out of bed. Normal! That one was again me. Pregnancy can trigger autoimmune conditions that you did not have before, like Graves disease, which then are lifelong conditions. A friend of mine has that one. And these are not hypothetical things that *can* happen— these are just examples from my own circle of friends, and I really don’t have that many friends lol. I know far fewer women who came out of pregnancy and childbirth *without* some astounding complication than those who had something pretty huge. Because we as a species need to do this to survive, everything just gets called “normal” like it isn’t totally debilitating and completely horrible to go through. Imagine a society where every man has their right arm chopped off at 18. Just because *everyone* goes through it doesn’t make it less painful or horrible. Just because every procreating woman goes through childbirth doesn’t make it not traumatic on your body. But it’s not seen that way. Image source: FiftyShadesOfGregg

#19

No one told me there's a thing called back labor. I always assumed contractions feel like really really bad cramps/period pain. Back labor is seriously like getting stabbed in the back with a hot poker without any breaks or relief. And when it started I had no idea I was in labor because I had no pain in my uterus area. It took a midwife saying I was 4 cm dilated to understand I wasn't just having the worst pain in my back of my life. Image source: MsTurner88

#20

Image source: 2gd4ux, Lili Kovac / Unsplash Nobody tells you about the identity loss you experience after having kids and it sticks in for a while until you discover the new version you have become. ItsPronouncedSatan: It is weird to not be the priority in your own body.

#21

Image source: LordyIHopeThereIsPie, Wulf Franzen / Unsplash There can be no rush of love for the baby sometimes. illulli: This is so important! All the effort , pain and humiliation and everyone telling you how you will be rewarded by these overwhelming feelings after birth. And then… nothing. Just this helpless little baby that needs someone to take care of it. Ok I will do it if you have nobody else.

#22

Image source: Witty_Chicken_9307, Getty Images / Unsplash All the hair you lose in the months after giving birth. I had no idea and thought something was wrong. SueDohNymn: Same! I had twins and nursed both. One would be done in 2.3 seconds flat while the other (jaundiced but not enough for light therapy) dawdled for upwards of 30 minutes. Add that to the massive hair loss and I thought for certain my fast eater was depleting me and his brother of vital nutrients. Thankfully the nurse provided me with an explanation (hair follicles won't release due to hormonal levels during pregnancy, so once those hormones leave, so does all that hair). Ffs, if they had told me this from the get-go, I might not have been so ridiculously neurotic.

#23

Image source: 13surgeries, Getty Images / Unsplash Nobody told me I might throw up during labor. I was so mad. Labor AND vomiting? Whose idea was THAT, lol? Justcallmekasey: Omg yes. Projectile vomited between pushes. Even threw up on my doctor's head lol. AlwaysCold95: I vomited for 12 hours, nothing but bile by the end. I also puked all over myself on the ride to the hospital. Big wtf moment. whateverforever421: I kept yelling “I’m so nauseous” and they told me they were pumping in zofran as fast as they could and I kept saying I NEED MORE and then I just barfed lol. And then my husband came in and I told him “I frew up” like a child and then I absolutely beasted my c section. I was so calm my husband said he didn’t recognize me!! He was crying the entire time!

#24

Image source: PinkCupcke007, Getty Images / Unsplash It felt like my organs were going to fall out of me every time I stood up for the first couple of days while things were settling back into place. Weird feeling.

#25

Image source: happyalex, freepik I felt like no one I knew told me about the first trimester exhaustion - I had it with both pregnancies. I literally felt like I did marathons daily for the first tri. Sooo sleepy no matter how much I slept/ate/drank. Colla-Crochet: Its so hard to describe the exhaustion too. I try and explain it as something leeching everything out of me. Ive been tired. ive been sleepy. This was... Something else.