40 Suggestions Of More Suitable Alternatives For Badly Named Things

Published 4 months ago

When you take a step back and consider language from a more objective perspective, you quickly realize that many aspects don’t quite add up. There are inconsistencies, irregularities, and even decisions in linguistics that seem downright nonsensical. But that’s just the nature of language—it evolves in its own unique and sometimes messy way.

Recently, Redditor u/johnnylgarfield sparked a fascinating discussion about linguistics on the subreddit r/AskReddit. They posed a thought-provoking question: What do you think is poorly named, and what would be a better name for it? As you scroll down, you’ll come across a plethora of intriguing suggestions—some clever and humorous, while others offer more serious alternatives—to refine and enhance the English language.

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#1 I’m not the first to say it, but “pick-up artists” and “garbage men” should swap titles.

Image source: GGAllinPartridge, cottonbro studio/pexels

#2 “Randomized Double Blind Trial” should be “Trick or Treatment”.

Image source: RealityTimeshare, Antoni Shkraba/pexels

#3 Otto Preminger wrote his own biography and failed to title it Otto-Biography. Once in a lifetime pun, and he just threw it away.

Image source: hippo717, ebay

#4 I can’t believe I’m the first to say sexual tension should be renamed to Bangxiety.

Image source: tsavong117

#5 Shipments go by land, but cargo goes by sea. That s**t needs to be reversed.

Image source: SpareRam

#6 “Lisp” should be renamed to anything without an S in it.

Image source: cornedbeef101, cottonbro studio/pexels

#7 Airports should be called plane stations.

Image source: nocolon

#8 My stepdad randomly called the fridge/freezers the oracles of food and it stuck. “Let me ask the oracles of food” sounds way more bad*ss than “let me check what we have in the freezer”.

Image source: gogogadgetdumbass

#9 The Great Molasses Flood/Boston Molasses Disaster should have been called The Boston Molassecre.

Image source: Key_Veterinarian_723

#10 Why is a group of squid called a shoal when it should be called a squad?

Image source: xdark_realityx, Andrew Otto/flickr

#11 S’mores flavored Oreos are NOT called “S’moreos.” I mean, what are they even paying their marketing people for?

Image source: FictionVent, greenth1ng/flickr

#12 Bee Hotels – lil wooden structure that solitary bees can nest in from time to time. That’s great – support local wildlife etc. But seriously, who was the marketing genius that decided NOT to call them all “Bee&Bee”s??

Image source: L_E_Phantman, storebukkebruse/flickr

#13 Daylight savings. Should be “pointlessly mess up everyone’s sleep cycle”.

Image source: HoleyerThanThou

#14 Weather forecast is boring. Weather prophecy is awesome.

Image source: dire18, Chic Bee/flickr

#15 A group of raccoons is called a “gaze” when the word “heist” is right there.

Image source: _Captain_Dinosaur_, patrice schoefolt/pexels

#16 Mini corn dogs should be called corn puppies!!!

Image source: mikelybarger, alchen_x/flickr

#17 Veterinarian. Should be a dogtor.

Image source: Nosfer97, Tima Miroshnichenko/pexels

#18 Dentures. Should be Substitooths.

Image source: donkeyknuckles, Karolina Grabowska/pexels

#19 Emotional baggage should be called grief-case.

Image source: Ragetaco3000, Timur Weber/pexels

#20 Hot water heater. It’s really a cold water heater.

Image source: GuliblGuy, Алексей Вечерин/pexels

#21 Whoever coined the phrase Dad Bod really missed out on Father Figure.

Image source: dizzyeyedalton, Kindel Media/pexels

#22 Narwhals should be renamed tunacorns.

Image source: alieninhumanskin10

#23 Hemorrhoids should be asteroids obv.

Image source: UncleDuude, John Campbell/flickr

#24 Almond Milk. Should be called “Nut Juice”!

Image source: Troubador222, Mike Mozart/flickr

#25 [Breasts] sweat —> humidititties.

Image source: SlientK, cottonbro studio/pexels

#26 Jet ski. Dumb name. Obviously it is a Boatercycle.

Image source: KYbywayofNY, Keegan Checks/pexels

#27 Miscarriages. Think about that – it’s essentially accusing the woman for “mis-carrying” the pregnancy. It places the blame on women for something that’s almost always outside of their control, and traumatic to boot. A much better and more descriptive term would be “pregnancy loss”, which is already used widely in many settings.

Image source: jollyllama, Karolina Grabowska/pexels

#28 Now You See Me 2. Should have been Now You Don’t.

Image source: igenus44, Summit Entertainment

#29 Hedgehog. Should be Needlemouse.

Image source: NoMaineKoonsAllowed, Pixabay/pexels

#30 A red onion is quite clearly a purple onion.

Image source: GWofJ94, Kindel Media/pexels

#31 Hand sanitizer should just be hanitizer. All toddlers say it that way and it’s easier.

Image source: JolieOiseau, hajay_suresh/flickr

#32 I am giving a serious response.

1. Borderline Personality Disorder is not being on the line between two different things. It is having difficulty regulating emotions.
2. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is not a lack of attention or an overabundance of activity. It is the brain moving too quickly and the body can’t keep up. It is needing to structure things differently to be functional. It is being able to see things that others can’t.
3. Sexual Desire/Interest/Arousal Disorder is not a disorder at all. It is a different sexual orientation: asexuality.

Image source: quixoticshoes

#33 Olives should be Greece’s Pieces.

Image source: rmg18555

#34 I keep seeing people say that contractions should be birthquakes.

Image source: ssssobtaostobs, MART PRODUCTION/pexels

#35 Any bacon alternative that is not named Fācon is an abomination.

Image source: RitaPoonismysister, goblinbox_(queen_of_ad_/flickr

#36 Butterflies should be Flutterbys.

Image source: genderlawyer, Pixabay/pexels

#37 From a sign outside of a bar: Why is it called bisexual when ambisextrous is right there?

Image source: Deep_Delivery2465

#38 Cornhole needs to be changed back to Bean Bag Toss.

Image source: 4stargas

#39 My daughter said podcasts should be called Ear TV, which I wholehearted agree with esp as the name podcasts is basically anachronistic now with the demise of iPods She also said bras should be called b**bytraps – she should probably go into advertising.

Image source: RosieFudge

#40 Astronomers should be called skyintists.

Image source: OreoDad22, Giuseppe Donatiello/flickr

Shanilou Perera

Shanilou has always loved reading and learning about the world we live in. While she enjoys fictional books and stories just as much, since childhood she was especially fascinated by encyclopaedias and strangely enough, self-help books. As a kid, she spent most of her time consuming as much knowledge as she could get her hands on and could always be found at the library. Now, she still enjoys finding out about all the amazing things that surround us in our day-to-day lives and is blessed to be able to write about them to share with the whole world as a profession.

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amusing names, badly named things, clever, entertaining, funny, language, linguistics, wit, word play
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