25 Dad Jokes That May Make You Cringe Or Laugh

Published 2 weeks ago

Little kids are highly entertained by someone making silly faces, so a dad joke is the absolute pinnacle of humour for them. This is possibly why dad jokes have been so popular over time.  However, as we grow older these dad jokes tend to make us cringe. But if you can stop yourself from this base reaction to appreciate a list of a few unique dad jokes, you should scroll below for the most top-notch puns that made the hall of fame on the ‘Dad Jokes’ subreddit. 

Read more

#1 Why does Dracula always bite people in the neck?
Because he’s a neck romancer.

Image source: Typhann, Unknown author – Universal Studios

EDIT: getting downvoted, might have been a grave mistake posting here…

EDIT 2: getting a lot of upvotes now, I guess the Count is rising

#2 My son asked why Star Wars movies came out 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3.
I answered in my best yoda impersonation: ‘In charge of scheduling, I was’

My son loved it, I heard a sigh from my SO, and when I looked at her, she just shook her head

Image source: Demonazzzz

#3 My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning. It’s a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz

Image source: StuntsMonkey, Carlos Santiago

#4 Just got a pet termite called Clint—Clint Eats Wood.

Image source: Personal-Tea7226, Petr Ganaj

#5 I got the words “jacuzzi” and “yakuza” confused. Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

Image source:  porichoygupto

#6 The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said “happy…”, and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said… “…40 second birthday”. I was so proud.

Image source:  amplifi-dash, Andrea Piacquadio

#7 FIRST DATE: Her dad: “I want her home before midnight.”
Me: “But you already own her home.”
Dad: *turning to daughter* “If you don’t sleep with him, I will.”

Image source: jomjimmerjome, Pinkinesss

#8 My wife asked me to flip the calendar to the next month… To my surprise, the calendar skipped from April to June. I turned to tell her we’re missing a month.

Image source: lan_mcdo, 戴 宇扬

She said, “What’s the matter? You look dis-Mayed…”

She’s apparently been waiting a month for this set up

#9 A guy went to a costume party carrying a woman on his back. The doorman asks, ‘What are you supposed to be?’ The guy replies, ‘A turtle.’ The doorman asks, “What’s on your back?’ The guy says, ‘That’s Michelle.’

Image source: OctoberFire1, Katerina Holmes

#10 I got an e-mail saying, “At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!” and I thought… “That’s just spam.”

Image source:  madazzahatter

#11 My local barber was arrested yesterday for selling drugs. I’ve been his customer for years. Didn’t even know he was a barber!

Image source: binary_world

#12 Imagine being held at gunpoint (bear with me) by a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on Reddit

Image source: StewPaddasso

#13 My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” and I said, “That’s Superman…” “Thanks, man, ” he replied, “I’ve been practicing it a lot.”

Image source: GhostPotency, Italo Melo

#14 My friend claims he glued himself to his autobiography. I don’t believe him, but that’s his story and he’s sticking to it.

Image source: God-2008, Leah Newhouse

#15 Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable

Image source: Foreverxtrue24

#16 Never understood why dads and corny jokes were a thing. I did notice it’s a mostly true thing.

But I understand today. Asked my four year old what an 8 is. He doesn’t know so I enlightened him that it’s a zero with a belt.

Lost. His. Shit. He’s just mastered numbers and letters and this was hysterical to him. I’m the funniest man alive. He’s told the joke back to me about twenty times. Today.

Teenagers, this is why dads tell those jokes. They’re chasing the indescribable high of this moment with a little kid. I found them cringeworthy as a teenager, but I get it now.

Image source: anonymous

#17 My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding… She got mad and said she’s never playing scrabble with me again

Image source: anonymous

#18 As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “You know, one would have been enough.”

Image source:  porichoygupto, Emma Craig

#19 The COVID19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society. They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

Image source:  Sur5er

#20 A girl came into my bookstore and asked “What are the chances you have a book on curing eating disorders with religion?”
Slim to Nun? (Incidentally this is a true story and I got yelled at)

Image source: anonymous, Pixabay

#21 My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have [intercourse]?”
He winked at me and said, “I’m off duty in ten minutes – meet me in the car park.”

Image source: madazzahatter

#22 I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” She said, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I said “That means it’s pasture bedtime.”

Image source:  ArchipelagoMind

#23 The wife and I were walking in Target this evening. We were walking in the clothing section, behind an employee who was moving a mannequin.

Image source: nsk09003, Jonathan Cooper

Out of nowhere the whole arm pops off, and the poor woman can’t bend to pick it up because… ya know… she’s holding the rest of the mannequin. So I walk up, grab the limb while she’s looking around for another employee to help, hold it out to her and say…

“Here, let me give you a hand”

She took it. No laughter. My wife? Nothing

#24 Today, my son asked “Can I have a book mark?” and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian

Image source: ebkbk, Hannah Nelson

#25 A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They’re both fine. And, you’re brother named them for you.

Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He’s an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Ohh, that’s actually a nice name. What about the boy?

Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.

Image source: _joshi_

Shanilou Perera

Shanilou has always loved reading and learning about the world we live in. While she enjoys fictional books and stories just as much, since childhood she was especially fascinated by encyclopaedias and strangely enough, self-help books. As a kid, she spent most of her time consuming as much knowledge as she could get her hands on and could always be found at the library. Now, she still enjoys finding out about all the amazing things that surround us in our day-to-day lives and is blessed to be able to write about them to share with the whole world as a profession.

Got wisdom to pour?

500-

Tags

cringe, dad humour, dad jokes, funny, funny joke, parenting
Tweet
1
Like deMilked on Facebook
Want more milk?
Hit like for a daily artshake!
Don't show this - I already like Demilked