25 First-Hand Stories Of What People Experienced While They Were Declared Dead

The question of what happens after we pass from this world is still one that we have no concrete answer to. The mysterious nature of death is something we cannot fathom while in the state of the living. Yet, if there is one inevitable experience we will all endure, it is the certainty that we will one day meet the end of our days, too.

#1

Image source: Signifikantotter, Fellipe Ditadi

I saw my grandpa. We talked for a while and he said I could go back with him, or stay. I looked down and saw myself in that hospital bed with my brother holding my hand. He felt it turn cold and I never saw him cry that way before. Went back into my body and felt more pain than I knew in my life.
Been a year of recovery and I lost most of my memory but I’m happy.

(Skull fracture/traumatic brain injury from heat exhaustion)

#2

Image source: Beanopatch, Mark Arron Smith

I died twice after I got MRSA into my heart area after a major surgery. I don’t remember much of anything when I was out (cliché as it was I saw a light) but that year sucked.

#3

Image source: Ed-Zilla, Karola G

My wife and I discussed this at length. 4 years ago, she died twice in 3 months, needing full resuscitation both times. Both were lengthy rescues (one resuscitation was off-and-on for nearly 40 minutes).

I asked her later when she had recovered if she remembered anything at all during the times she was clinically dead. She remembered nothing. Blackness. No light. No relatives and former pets waiting for her. Just…black. Thankfully, also no pain.

She finally passed 18 months ago, and I hope she felt no pain or worry the final time.

{EDIT TO ADD}

It started with two spontaneous brain bleeds (technically, it started with her having Lupus).
The 1st brain bleed lead to her passing, but they did a craniotomy, revived her, then a re-bleed.
The trauma from all that caused her lupus to set fire, which lead to complete kidney failure and another cardiac arrest (passing and recovery), which lead to two strokes.
She recovered enough to be home and mostly independent, but having to go to dialysis 3 times a week for 3 years.
She passed the final test to get on the kidney transplant list on Wednesday, and had a massive cardiac/respiratory event at dialysis on Friday where she passed again, but was kept alive on life support. I waited a week hoping for recovery, but we disconnected life support per her wishes (a topic we had talked about many times).

#4

Image source: anon, Khánh LP

Friend of mine described it as deeply relaxing and that she could feel herself drifting away, but was brought back just as she was ready to “leave”.

After that, she embraced life and death. She said she doesn’t fear death anymore since it was so relaxing to experience.

#5

Image source: anon, Rafa Barros

I know 3 people that have been clinically dead and have come back. What they described is something much different than what people are talking about here.

They all said, if you paraphrase, that if feels as if you’re passing out. Someone compared it to OD’ing on whippits (Nitrious oxide) – a feeling of your conscience slowly getting focused into one point in the exact middle of your head, while your limbs lose feeling in a tingling, pleasant way and then you lose consciousness.

One girl said that when she came back into conscience she was hallucinating because she had no idea what was going on and that she started dreaming of something ‘safe’ – i.e her mother hugging her in a warm bed.

#6

Image source: anon, Pixabay

When I was 15 I was scheduled to do a tilt table test (they lean you up at an angle on a table) because I was consistently experiencing dizziness and fainting spells. After about 20 minutes the doctor tilted the table back and I could feel myself passing out. I got severe tunnel vision and lost like 95% of my eyesight, like looking through a straw and then I blacked out. I remember hearing the dr call the code and my father cussing at the dr that he “k****d” me. I remember hearing alot of slamming and banging around, which I assumed was the crash cart and nurses shoving into this small testing room. I felt a pressure on my chest, like when you have someone stand on your back to crack it, which I found out later was the nurses doing CPR. I saw an array of vivid colors kind of dancing around forming objects in the dark. The scariest thing was how peaceful it felt, just pure 100% peace. No panic, no pain, no sadness, nothing just bliss. I coded for just under two minutes and as soon as I came too and opened my eyes, I felt seriously angry and hostile, I started ripping off whatever I could get my hands on and yelling at the dr to get me off the table.

#7

Image source: KKAPetring, cottonbro studio

A friend of mine described death (she was technically dead twice) as being surrounded by darkness and floating with some sort of warm gel-like substance covering her. She never wanted to leave that state.

#8

Image source: foxykittenn, Diana

Not mine but the head of my program was in a horrible car accident. She was dead for a few minutes on the scene while paramedics worked on her. She said it was the most amazing feeling she’s ever experienced. It was blank black nothing, but that was perfectly fine, and she felt a comfort she can’t even explain.
She remembers being angry at the man working on her when she finally came back to her body because she wanted to stay there. She told us she can’t wait to experience it again when it’s really her turn.

Edit: I’m really pleased this resonated so strongly with so many of you! I wanted to add some detail about her. She’s not religious in the slightest, and she actively quashes our ghost stories and s**t (mortuary students) because she only believes in tangible things, so she fully turned me into a believer.

Felt its important I make a distinction she was very adamant about when telling us this story- she’s not advocating s*****e. She stressed that she isn’t telling us she’s trying to reach this place again but that when it was her time she was going to be comfortable embracing it.

#9

Image source: Redshirt2386, RDNE Stock project

I coded after surgery. I remember being able to see and hear everything and understand what was happening, but I couldn’t physically feel anything. It was deeply unsettling.

#10

Image source: Mr-TeaBag-UT_PE, Eman Genatilan

I was electrocuted by about 13,800 volts. The doctors say it’s likely the first hit stopped my heart and the second one started it (before I was pulled like a lifeless corpse to safety).

I remember experiencing the darkest dark and the most silent silence. I ceased to care that I was dying; time seemed to change, it could have been hours it seemed. It was only about 30 seconds.

I felt as though I was floating and floated toward something that I eventually realized was my body and reality. Upon joining with whatever it was I was floating towards, I became self aware in my body and heard the electricity making horrible noises and knew I was in danger.

From there it was a horribly painful experience where I lost most of my toes due to tissue death and had severe electrical burns on all four limbs. More surgeries than I care to count and seeing the round bone ends of my toes that were freshly amputated still haunts me a little.

#11

Image source: InfusingChaos, cottonbro studio

I’m going to have to speak for my Dad here… he passed away a few years back. I wrote this out while back actually… but maybe this will be a relevant place for it to be also.

Dad was fearful in his last days. He had been to the hospital many times and every single time he came close to death, what he remembered didn’t reconcile with what most people report when having a near death experience. He, in fact, had a lot of bad experiences. One in particular where he relived a day 3 times in a row where doctors sedated him but he was still fully aware of what was happening to him. He could hear the conversations, feel the pain, feel the choking and suffocation. When I saw him the next day he had tears in his eyes as he tried to communicate a question on how many days he was out. When I told him 1 day he was confused and it took him a while to wrap his head around it. He thought he went to hell and this was his eternal punishment. He pondered for a long time on what he could have done to deserve that as a punishment. He did not ever want to be in the hospital, he hated them his whole life and that experience made him hate hospitals even more.

Dad’s last trip via ambulance, he actually walked out to the ambulance and it wasn’t because of the usual shortness of breath, it was because of chest pains. I was sure this was going to be a short stay and he’d be back soon.

During his last stay, he experienced more sedation, more hallucinations and more disorientation. I went to visit him every single day to get an update on his status. One night in particular they had trouble getting his heart rate down. It was steadily beating at about 160 and would calm to 120 or so before going back up to 160. It wasn’t good for him.

Then, the next time he was up, I walked in right around his dinner time. He couldn’t wait to talk to me but he could barely talk. It took all of his effort and energy, but he had some things to say.

Dad: Son… I know without a doubt that there is an afterlife.

Me: Really?

Dad: *nods*

Me: How are you so sure? You’ve been seeing guns on the ceiling and all kinds of hallucinations…

Dad: That wasn’t me, I wasn’t here.

Me: You weren’t here?

Dad: I was there.

Me: Okay well…. did you see anyone you knew?

Dad: *shaking his head no*
It’s not like that…
you can see souls being born into life and its the most beautiful thing you can see. Everyone has their own color and they’re trying to get to white.

Me: trying to get to white?

Dad: *nods yes*
Time doesn’t exist there. Time is here because of us and we’re here because of time. Ohhh, I should have done more.
*looks at his hands* I could have been another Jimmy Page (he’s referring to his skill as a guitarist) I could have done more.

Me: But you were the greatest Dad and…

Dad: *smirking a little to indicate that isn’t what he meant* Do more, do everything you can…

Me: So… like carpe diem? Like seize the day?

Dad: *brightens* yes! Do everything you can. Don’t worry about the consequences. Everyone finds their way. People worry to much about the consequences… just do good and do as much as you can. Everyone eventually gets there. Tell the family…

Me: Can I tell everyone?

Dad: Yes, tell everyone…

Me: okay Dad… I’ll tell everybody

Dad: *nods in agreement*

I can tell he’s tired by this time…

Me: I love you Dad.

Dad: I love you too Son.

This was the last conversation that I had with him. I miss him terribly and have been trying real hard to find myself again after his passing. It’s been a long time and I’ve been able to cope with it enough to finally write this all out.

I hope this finds someone that needs to hear it.

With Love

Edit: I just wanted to thank everyone for the wonderful, heartfelt and deeply personal comments and messages that have been sent my way. I also want to thank the wonderful person that gilded this… I am truly overwhelmed by all of your kindness.

#12

Image source: dorseta40, Alexander Grey

I was dead for 6 minutes . I was laying on the gurney and I was getting colder . Somewhere my body started warming up and everything became really calm and peaceful . I was not longer in pain . All the noise from ER just went away . Itwas really enjoyable .. I was thinking about my daughter and I was remembering all the things we had done . Slowly it was just black and nothign . There was no knowledge of anything . I explain it as it was like before I was born . Then the worst thing in the world is being revived . I starting hearing loud noises , I felt this massive pain . Then there was the nastiest stench ever . The smell was like every dead animal had crawled in my nose . The smell was so bad I started vommiting . I remember the Dr’s turning me on my side and watching my vomit spray on a nurse . Dying was the most pleasant thing I have ever experienced and being revived the worse.

#13

Image source: hopefulhusband, Ruxanda Photography

Not necessarily”clinically dead” but I was pronounced dead two times in the same night after a car accident I was in when I was 16. My great grandma pulled me out of the car and we walked through this really peaceful field of flowers. When I woke up two weeks later she was sitting on the edge of my bed and told me to tell my mom that everything was going to be okay.

My great grandma died when I was 10 and before that she had been bedridden after a stroke. I never saw her walk or heard her talk in my entire life. It was amazing and beautiful.

#14

Image source: monkeynose08, Meruyert Gonullu

I have two stories. When I was 9 I used to have fainting spells. One time I fell down the stairs and lost consciousness. My mom said I went as stiff as a board. I remember, as if floating near the ceiling, watching my mom run to the phone and calling 911. I could see my dad start to do CPR on me. Then I looked behind me and saw a bright light and heard a voice say “it’s not your time”. Then I went back into my body as I heard my dad yell “come on, d**n it!” I was really scared when I came to, and it took me a while, like years, to figure out what I had experienced. I can’t explain what happened. I felt calm though while I was out. I don’t know if I was really dead or just unconscious and my mind made it all up. The other story I have I know was real.

6 years ago my brother died from adrenal cancer. His wife and I slept in his hospital room that night. His friends and the two of us sat around his bed as he lay unconscious and told stories about my brother and laughed about all the great times we had with him. At 3 am I woke from a dream I was having of seeing him walking down a large tunnel that had a bright light at the end of it. He was healthy looking again and he turned around to look at me, smiled and waved, then walked into the light. When I woke up I rolled over to look at him. He had stopped breathing. I touched him and he was still warm and his skin was still soft, as if he had just passed away a moment before. It was like he hung on until he knew we would be ok and then waited to pass until we were sleeping so we didn’t have to watch him take his last breaths. I loved my brother, he was my best friend, my biggest champion, and he encouraged me and built me up when I had no confidence in myself. God I miss him, but I’m relieved that he’s not in pain and suffering anymore.

#15

Image source: Mattjaq, cottonbro studio

Not really sure what happened and it still freaks me out to this day. May daughter was 4 and developed pneumonia. Her breathing would stop in her sleep so we took her in to the emergency room. She was there for a total of 5 days. For the first 3 days her health kept deteriorating. And on the 3rd day my girlfriend got a call that her mother had collapsed and was taken to the hospital. She was without oxygen for 20 minutes and was declared brain dead. That night my daughter woke up and asked about grandma. No one had said anything to her or in the room with her. We asked her what did she mean. She told us that grandma came to her in a dream and said it’s not your time yet. I’ll go for you. Immediately the next day she was almost 100 percent better.

#16

Image source: anon, cottonbro studio

Former co-worker of mine died during heart surgery. I think she was out for 90 seconds or close to it. She wasn’t religious or anything. She said that she remembered being in the room and seeing her dead uncle and cousin standing at the far end of the room watching everything going on.

Edit: oh now my inbox is having an NDE.
Fun fact: she shared this information during an icebreaker “give us a fun fact about yourself”. She didn’t remember seeing a light or anything, just seeing her dead relatives at the end of the room.

#17

Image source: DownvoteDaemon, Nathan Cowley

One of my old frat brothers was clinically dead for like 40 seconds because of xanax. He said that he saw himself floating above his body in the hospital room. He said that he could see doctors and nurses working on him and family in the room. He said he slowly floated above the hospital and towards a light. He said the most peaceful feeling he has ever experienced washed over him. This is a person who has done mdma and coke in college. He said its almost impossible to describe the feeling with our vocabulary. He said it feels like a weight was lifted off you. He said he saw some long gone family in the light but they told him it wasn’t his time. He said he was angry because he felt so good but floated back down to his body. I have no idea if he is telling the truth but he is a trustworthy friend. He never used d***s again.

#18

Image source: silverstars13, Inzmam Khan

I don’t share it much but I’ve had 4 heart surgeries, and in my first and third one I coded. You had to be conscious for these surgeries to get your heart to react appropriately.

The first time it was just nothingness. Black. Just nothing. I can’t even explain how long it felt like nothingness. And then I remember waking up with them over me saying we lost you for a second there, are you okay?

The second time is the hard one to share. I woke up in a type of subway feeling thing but everything was white. The subway, the tunnel walls we were speeding through.
I didn’t have a body per say, it felt like I was the subway at times, and the. At times it was like i was just looking out a window at the tunnel wall.

It came to a stop and it was just black nothingness again. And then I heard a voice of a much older man.

He said “Are you ready to go?”
And I just had nothing. Like I didn’t know how to speak.
“We’re going now if you’re ready…”
And something inside me felt so ready to go. Like I was a magnet to it… this unknown destination in the black nothingness ahead.

I remember finally saying “o..ok”.
He said another time with a slightly different tone.
“We’ll be leaving here. You are ready to go?”

And finally something in me snapped, and I remembered I had a life, and people I’d leave behind. And my first thought was “I can’t leave my girlfriend. I couldn’t do that. And my Mom and Dad. My puppies. I can’t leave any of them. My family, my friends..”

And I made a decision I couldn’t leave. I didn’t even have to say it. Once I decided I couldn’t leave and I was for sure staying I woke up and came to consciousness with the medical team all around me.

#19

Image source: ravenyvonne, Kampus Production

Not me, but right before my great grandma passed she kept trying to explain these vivd colors and smells. She kept saying how beautiful things were and she was saying its unlike anything she ever saw. She was an extremely religious woman. A little while after the “colors and smells” she told us “He” said we have to say its okay for her to go. I mean my whole family was standing around saying goodbye. I vivdly remember this even though I was only 9. Once we all said it was okay, she passed on.

Also the night before, she was talking to herself. We asked her whats going on and she pointed at the chair across the room and said “Please don’t be rude. Im having a conversation with her” and we were confused and asked about what and she said the woman was explaining what we were going to do with our futures.

So strange and I’ll never know if it was real or what was happening. But its kinda cool to think its real.

#20

Image source: anon, Nima Motaghian Nejad

Anaphylaxis, wasn’t breathing, I considered all the hallucinations I experienced likely due to hypoxic episode until I told my Mom what I saw. A middle aged man who wasnt in scrubs standing still at the end of my bed while all staff were running around and doing their business. I was having a non-verbal conversation with him and he was telling me to calm down, focus on breathing. He wore a tropical style button down shirt, one of those old school news boys hats and had a very pleasant demeanor. Mom showed me a photo of my grampa that I never had seen before, and it was the guy at the foot of my bed, and he died before I was even born.

* Edit; Didn’t know this would comfort so many people, just remember not to worry too much about death and remember to enjoy your life while you have it.

#21

Image source: anon, Maksim Goncharenok

Awesome, everyone seems to be in agreement that death was awesome and euphoric. That is comforting to hear, thanks everyone.

#22

Image source: irishspice, Getty Images

This is my mother’s story. I was privileged to be there when she talked to her doctor the next day and to witness his reaction. She had been afraid to die. After this experience she was no longer afraid and started enjoying life more…seizing the day, if you will.

My mother was in the hospital being treated for a reaction to arthritis medication. This was more than 30 years go, so procedures have changed. She was in a bed far from the nurse’s station because she was stable and in no danger.

For some reason her heart stopped – they never found out why. The nurse found her without a pulse and called a code. My mother, meanwhile, had left her body and was floating up by the ceiling. She said she felt no fear, only wonder at what was happening and pity for the poor body laying on the bed because it was so sick and damaged (she had a lot wrong with her.)

As the team was working on her without success and the attending physician went down the hall to the nurse’s desk. My mom was curious about what he was going to say, so she followed him and listened to him. He was upset and basically saying he had no idea why her heart stopped, why it wasn’t starting again and to call her personal doctor. He returned to her room and she followed him back.

They were working away and she said she found that she had no feeling of fear or regret. She’s been physically disabled for some time and was enjoying the freedom of movement and lack of pain. She said she saw “the light” (but wasn’t hugely bright and more a feeling of peace and safety) and she felt that her parents were near but, mom being mom, was more interested in what was happening to her and her body. I mean if you are dead, it would be good to know why.

The attending physician finally did something that worked to start her heart and she said she was “sucked” back in. She was really pissed off because she knew she was about to start a wonderful adventure and the doctor spoiled it. She said she didn’t want to be in that fat handicapped body! She struggled to get back out but was held back and then the d***s they gave her worked and she became unconscious.

My sister and I were sitting with her the next day. She was in a lot of pain from them pounding on her chest and pretty ticked off that she didn’t get to go on her “adventure.” Hobbit jokes were ensuing when the attending physician came in to check on her. She asked him why they didn’t know what happened and why she died. He didn’t know what to say. She told him she’d left her body and had seen what happened. He patronized her and started to tell her about hallucinating and her brain being deprived of oxygen. She shut him off and demanded to know how she could have known what he said at the nurse’s station (at the end of the hall) if she hadn’t been there. She proceeded proceeded to repeat his conversation with the nurse! The doctor looked like he’d seen a ghost. His face went white and he spun on his heel and bolted for the door. He actually bounced off both sides of the door before he was able to get out, that’s how fast he was going. (She said later that she never saw him again.)

My mother was never religious and didn’t start now. Instead she became more spiritual, something she had previously had no interest in. She just felt more at peace with herself and her condition and started to pay more attention to the little things that people ignore in their rush, like sunsets and butterflies. She was buying all kinds of things, typical of people who don’t want to admit that they are very ill. It’s a way of staying connected with life. She stopped this behavior and said she didn’t need “things” where she was going. This was always said with a smile.

She asked that I share her story so that people know that there really is something after death. It’s interesting and not at all scary. It has NOTHING to do with religion. What happens afterwards just seemed to be a fact like gravity is. She said she was surprised that she wasn’t surprised.
She died for real about a year later and I’m sure since she had an inquisitive mind that she’s enjoying herself.

On a slightly different note, I’ve had several dogs who returned after they passed. The only ones who came back had huge personalities and felt real ownership of the house. The best story is about Joe, a little black dachshund/beagle who ruled the house for 10 years.

The night after she passed, my ex heard her at the door. There was no mistaking her scratch and bark. I heard her too, as did the other dogs. He didn’t believe in ghosts but opened the door and called to her. Honey our doberman, was lounging in “Joe’s chair” and she got out of like she was shot. The other two dogs milled around as if they were greeting someone. I couldn’t see her but I talked to her as if she was there and explained what had happened and that she was to go on over the Rainbow Bridge. I’d join her when I could. The next morning when I came downstairs, Honey was in Joe’s chair and made it clear that it was now her’s. I think Joe gave it to her. She always was a beneficent queen.

#23

Image source: mofuda, Lukas

There are some researchers who have been collecting and quantifying the data of Near Death Experiences (NDEs) for years now. They have created 6 categories/stages of NDEs that generally sum up most experiences.

1. The hellish experience. It can be either a mildly uncomfortable experience, a cold, dark, damp, loveless experience, or the traditional flames and devil experience. Sometimes say they are drawn out of this realm by an indescribable love. Very few people recount experiencing this.
2. There is another type of experience where one has an out-of-body perspective, and can travel freely. Often times this happens in an operation room where one’s heart has stopped and the doctors are working to revive the patient. The individual many be able to go to other rooms in the hospital, or travel across the country. If they remain in the hospital room, they do not always recognize their own bodies on the table, and can feel confused. (quick note: there have been a surge in NDEs since the 1960s when resuscitation techniques became more advanced.)
3. Much like many of the other redditor’s comments, there is another experience of blissful, warm darkness that just feels comfortable. It is indescribable nothingness, often without memory or any inkling of consciousness at all.
4. The next experience is similar to the last, but with an additional light that is usually far away, that emanates warmth and love and forgiveness. The individual is either attracted to this light and goes toward it (or the light itself comes to the person.) It allegedly gets better and better the closer one draws to the light, and so they continue. (Obviously this is where the phrase “go/don’t go to the light” likely comes from.
5. This experience continues where the last leaves off, where the person has broken through the light (to the other side). They now are experiencing a love/compassion/forgiveness/state of consciousness that is unlike anything they can put into words. Sometimes they encounter a sort of guide (this could be a loving anonymous being, or a religious figure (if they experience this, it is sometimes linked to their beliefs on Earth, but not always.)) This experience is sometimes accompanied by the most beautiful music. This being may present them to loved ones, or show them a life review (this is a very common experience of those who have had NDEs.) It may be at this point where the NDEer decides, or is told to return to their body (there is sometimes a choice) because they have “work left to accomplish in their lives.” And I put that last part in quotes because of how many people cite that as their reasons on coming back.
6. The final experience goes beyond the previous state of love and consciousness and is experienced only by a relatively few people compared to the previous others. They say that they experience a becoming one with the universe/universal energy that unites everything/God. They have stated that they understand everything; that knowledge is known just by thinking of a topic.

(Disclaimer: people have different words to describe all these experiences, but what they typically agree on is that words themselves can not come close to explaining their encounter, for all of the aforementioned NDEs.) Most experiences are overwhelmingly pleasant, they lose fear of death, and they cannot wait to return to this state. However they know they must wait.

The NDE’s that I’ve looked into pretty much all fall into these categories, so I’d like to hear any others that might not. As you can tell, this interests me greatly!

I want to end this by saying that if you wind up researching NDEs, come to your own conclusions about them. Is there a reason for someone to be pushing a certain belief on you? I have confidence that what people say about their NDE’s, they themselves wholly believe to be true. Whether or not you do is up to your own judgement. There are people who make videos and give talks about NDEs they supposedly experience, but to me some seem to be fake and over rehearsed. Take what you want from my spiel, and if you have any questions about this, I’ve done a fair share of looking into the topic, and would love to discuss further. If you want any directions on where to look first into gaining your own knowledge of NDE’s, I can definitely help you find something. Your NDE plug, out.

#24

Image source: Heja_BVB_11, Tima Miroshnichenko

I was on *loads* of morphine so it’s still really hazy and the fact it happened almost 6 years ago doesn’t help the memory, but I’ll try to recollect, as accurately I can, what happened and what I experienced.

I had appendicitis and my foster parents at the time didn’t take me to the hospital until 2, almost 3 days after it had burst. I should’ve been dead well before they took me, even the doctors called it a miracle. Well, I died while waiting for surgery. I had to wait for a pediatric surgeon to come in because no one else felt comfortable performing the surgery on a case this bad with a child this size (dumbasses took me to the adult hospital, not the pediatrics which was 40 mins away. I was 14, 5’3 and weighed 75 pounds soaking wet). So while I was waiting for the surgeon I was in a room with me, the doctor, my two foster parents and my grandmother who is an RN. Like I said, I was really d*****d up and couldn’t really focus on much and couldn’t really do anything. The monitor I was hooked up to would beep really loudly from time to time and the intervals between beeps started to decrease rapidly. Turns out I wasn’t breathing. I was conscious for the most part, I just kept forgetting to breathe. Doctors had to keep nudging me so I wouldn’t sleep. I just remember being pissed at this loud beeping that kept me from enjoying a nice slumber. The doctor had to step out for a second and my grandmother assured him she could look after me for a second. Unfortunately for her, she was out of her mind with rage at my foster parents. She didn’t hold anything back. My grandma is a sweet, Mormon Utahn without a rude bone in her body. Well, I heard quite a few f**k you’s, pieces of s**t, etc. My point is she didn’t notice I had passed out until the monitor signaled I had flat lined.

This is the bit where I died and is by far the most vivid part of the experience. I remember being capable of thought but no thoughts were in my head. I can only describe it as being conscious of my spirit but without a body for my thoughts to be processed in. I just kind of existed without feeling, thinking or being anything. I was floating. Honestly at the time it was a great feeling. I don’t remember any visions of people, family, places or anything like that. But I felt *something* wrap around me and comfort me. Without talking I was assured I was ok, that there was nothing to be worried about, and at that point my thoughts returned. I knew at that moment, without knowing how long I’d be able to keep thinking, that I had to go back. I didn’t want to, but knowing that the last thing I’d see before I left mortal life was these two pieces of human trash who had a****d me, neglected me, and treated me like a stain that they didn’t want to bother trying to clean up, that did it. I wanted to get back to my body, fix my f*****g life so I could go back and live with my biological parents and feel loved again. In that moment that’s all I cared about. And then I sort of willed myself back. Doctors had tried to resuscitate me but had failed. Everyone was shocked when I opened my eyes and seeing the tears in my grandma’s eyes after thinking she’d lost me, that did it. I fixed my life, I reinvented myself and threw out all my anger, depression, rage and everything else that put me in Brent and Karen’s home.

Honestly, the only anger I felt (the burning hatred kind that makes you want to do anything possible to release it) in the last 5ish years since I moved from their home is when I think about them and how they’re still fostering youth in custody and probably pulling the same s**t with those kids. I live about an hour away from where they are now and I have to restrain myself from driving up there, kidnapping those kids and taking them to the authorities with an explanation of why. The only reason I haven’t done that is because I’ve tried telling the authorities what kind of people they are. I guess the words of a juvenile f**k up don’t stack up against the lies from people who have practiced this s**t for years.

Anyways, sorry for the rant at the end. I know that wasn’t entirely what you’d asked, but it felt good to type out. Thanks OP for asking this question. It’s been surprisingly therapeutic talking about this.

#25

Image source: tisJosh, Polina

My girlfriend is anaphylactic, and it is triggered by a chemical called salicylate (found in pretty much every food). When she was in high school she had her first big reaction, and the school nurses refused to administer her epipen (adrenaline shot) until the ambulance got there. Now obviously, having an anaphylactic reaction doesn’t give you a lot of ‘waiting time’, so by the time the ambulance got to her school she was in pretty bad shape and barely conscious. The paramedics immediately administered one of her epipens, called the nurses “f*****g twats” and loaded her into the ambulance as her mother arrived. She continued to fade, so they gave her a direct injection of adrenaline this time, still nothing. They give her a second direct injection of adrenaline and this time it hits her about 30 seconds later all at once, and her heart fails. She stops breathing, no pulse, nothing. Dead to the world. For about 2 minutes and 46 seconds she was clinically dead. And the scariest thing is, she saw nothing. She tells me that when you are losing consciousness you can’t tell the difference between waves of drowsiness and when your body actually shuts down. All she saw was the darkness of her eyelids, and it felt like going into an extremely calm sleep where she couldn’t hear or feel anything, and she didn’t mind it. All despite the fact her mother and the paramedics were screaming at her to keep her eyes open and the ambulance was flying towards the hospital. She miraculously just came back to life almost 3 minutes later as they were giving her chest compressions, and the cardiologist that assessed her later stated that all the adrenaline in her body was enough to not only stop her heart, but to also restart it with the little help from the paramedic pumping it around. But still do this day, she can’t differentiate falling asleep after a long day, and dying.