“I Am Still To This Day, Blown Away”: 20 Honest Stories From Folks Who Married Into Wealth
When you get married, some adjustments naturally need to happen on the part of both individuals. From figuring out differing food habits to dealing with extended family dynamics, so many variables only come to light after the fact.
One discussion that really took ‘Ask Reddit’ by storm was how various folks dealt with marrying someone significantly more wealthy than them. From revealing the biggest shock of marrying into such a different way of life to admitting whether easy access to money changed their personalities at all, folks got candid about their experiences as expressed below.
They didn’t get sarcasm.
I thought snark was a cultural universal but when they kept questioning about my negative world view, I told them I wasn’t being negative, that my hostility was a feint that the lower classes found comfort and amusement in.
My mother-in-law’s shallowness. The worst thing that could happen to her is to not have a partner to play tennis with at the country club.
I’m marrying into a significantly-less wealthy family. It amazed me at first how they didn’t need money to have a good time. The family is so warm and welcoming, and they’re the ones that pretty much taught me how to survive god forbid if I was on my own. They Pretty much gave me street smarts and taught me how to solve problems without money.
Probably should use a throwaway but whatever. Married into a family who is well off. I come from below poverty level. It was a big shock when our wedding present was a paid off house. Random expensive gifts like watches etc have always made me a little uncomfortable since I don’t really know what to do besides say thank you. We have received two paid off homes in ten years with one worth over $500k. It’s been a wild ride but thankfully we will be able to provide for our kids due to it.
Per my wife; “Listening to your mother complain about your family’s presonal pilot really seemed odd. Listening to her complain about having to manage your cottage in the summer ( a huge estate on a wonderful lake in NY) really puts my waitressing job in perspective. Wife and I are the same, I’m still her “arrogant prick” .
Im about to marry in to an extremely wealthy family. So far all my expectations of what his family would be like were actually wrong. Like I thought they would judge me or act like I’m the sad little poor girl but theyre actually very nice and aren’t perfect either like they have some problems too. And like I always felt odd when they would pay for something for me then i realized after awhile they just like to do it. They like spending money and helping me or whatever. It was just very nice because you have no idea how scared I was to meet his infamous family. What was really cool is being able to glimpse in to what life like that would be like because my fiances not rich his family is. He works a normal job as call operator lol so its also amazing that their son wasn’t raised having whatever he wants. I don’t know lol I just found it very interesting and very eye opening.
Not married. However, One of my best friends had a crazy amount of wealth. Always dressed his best but never showed his wealth off. He decided to be one of my friends. I wasnt too keen of him at first. Always bugging me and trailing behind me. He finally confided in me he was gay. And he wasnt out to his family. Came to me crying and was being bullied. I stood up to his bullies (nearly got expelled for it). He invited me over for dinner and he lived in the biggest house I had ever seen. One of those we have a movie theater rooms and 6 bathrooms for no reason. He said “yeah I had a couple of people who i thought were my friends and they just wanted me for money”. I told him, “Dude I grew up dirt poor. I am just happy you have a toilet I can use because I have to pee.” His parents loved me. Still talk about that story. I helped come out to his parents. His father passed away. He tried to give me gifts and stuff and I told not to.
For my birthday his mom and him bought me disney passes and we went all the time before the moved. Still miss him
We’re not married yet, but we’ve been together for years and we’re getting married in a few months so…
I grew up in a pretty standard middle to upper-middle class family. I got a car when I got my license, but it was an 15 year old Jeep, and my parents made me pay for half. When I shopped, it was at the mall, but we weren’t buying designer or anything. That type of thing. I wasn’t spoiled, but I was privileged.
My SO’s family is insane, old school money. The kind where if we’re in the city his dad’s originally from, his last name holds clout and people know who he belongs to. A standard gift from his family when you turn 16 is a $50k car, and everyone gets a million at 18 from their trust fund to pay for college, and then you get you’re remaining millions when you graduate. He invested his pretty wisely, and now has a good amount of money in the bank along with his own investments and such.
The weirdest thing is how it’s so easy for him to just… do things and write them off as no big deal. Like once we got engaged and started consolidating our finances he paid off my student loans and credit cards without thinking about it, and just shrugged it off when I asked him about it (He insisted that I’m stressed enough with the debt from my business and my own personal credit garbage fire would reflect on him in the long run) or when our range died in the kitchen he handed over a card and just told me to buy whatever was the best, because I would know better than him. Money is just something that exists to him, and he’s smart with it, but if it’s not something he views as big amount or it’s a good idea in the long run, he doesn’t see the point of worrying about throwing down the cash to pay for it.
Also wedding planning is insane. His mother is paying for it as a gift and I was expecting something nice but as far as she’s concerned money is nothing. You like this venue that’s 20k just for the space? go ahead and book it. You want this fancy rehearsal dinner, that’s going to cost as much as a lot of people’s weddings do? Why not. I’m letting my bridesmaids get whatever dress they want as long as it’s floor length and navy even though I found one dress I really loved and he and his mother don’t understand why. The dress was $500 and I can’t imagine making someone pay that for something they’ll wear once but for them it’s no big deal, since it’s a special day. The unrestrained spending does my head in a lot, as it’s just a day or two, but it’s what’s expected of me in his family, as they have a name to keep up with.
I don’t feel like it’s changed me or him much since we got together, as I always knew he had money. He’s still just the way he always was. He was raised in a different state from his dad’s family, which is where the family money comes from, so he’s a fairly normal, well adjusted adult, unlike some of his cousins. I would say I’m a bit more relaxed when it comes to accepting him paying for things. When we started dating it was hard for me to be okay with it. It felt like pity or charity because I was so clearly broke compared to him.
There has been some weird resentment from some of my friends and family, though. I can’t talk about things we do or like because I get some snide comment about how nice it must be to be spoiled, which is annoying because he doesn’t really pay for anything in my day-to-day life. It’s definitely put a wedge between some of my friends/family because of it.
My SO’s family isn’t insanely rich, but I grew up lower middle class and he grew up upper middle. We had just gotten engaged when his dad and step-mom included me in a birthday dinner for a sibling of his. SO assured me dad was paying before I agreed to go as he knew how anxious I am in new situations and I had never been to this restaurant in a bigger city 2 hours away before. I was horrified to see how much they would be paying for my meal, and tried to order the cheapest thing on the menu. The first couple years of marriage were hard as they gifted us money and reimbursed us for major purchases that we didn’t request (as we remodeled a fixer upper). They have also taken us on vacations. It is still uncomfortable for me to accept these things from them, as it is unheard of in my family; buying someone else a meal at a casual chain restaurant would be a huge thing for us. It hasn’t changed how I view money, but it has definitely effected our children. If they find an expensive toy, they know they can ask those grandparents for it for their birthday. They ask when we are going on vacation again. They come home from visits with new clothes, shoes, and toys. Growing up only having a few days of clothing and all of it hand me downs, I am constantly trying to get them to realize how blessed they are, as I don’t want them to grow up entitled, but I fear I am losing the battle.
The casual wastage of food. The sense of entitlement to bowing and scraping from service staff. The judging of people by the price of their gifts. Brand-chasing. Teaching children that sharing is the poor kids’ way of getting your stuff. All the worst behaviours of new-money people.
I come from a family of school-teachers, and spend part of my childhood on single income. Rice and lentils for days. My SO came from a family of a surgeon and a mid-level businessman’s heiress. The kind of meals they would put out for four people still make me squirm. Lobster, three kinds of fish, a big meat dish, plus a few vegetarian sides, three shop-bought desserts. For one meal. For four people.
Naturally, no one would be able to finish the food, and unless leftovers were specifically requested, it would all be tossed. Because “leftovers aren’t healthy”. Never mind that the household staff would have gladly taken it home. They haven’t “earned the right” to enjoy such lavish meals.
I find it utterly crass. I’ve had to train my SO to live within our means, say please and thank you to service people and mean it, and to donate things instead of letting them rot. Life is so much better now.
I met my now fiance back in grade 9 of high school. We kind of hit it off twords the end of the school year but summer came and we went our separate ways. ( she lived 30min drive away, and my mother did not always have extra gas money to spare ) I managed to scrounge up a few hundred dollars by doing odd jobs around the community until I could buy a cell phone with a s****y plan. I got her number from a friend on facebook and we started chatting. We talked every day for the remaining month and a half of summer.
Going into grade 10 I knew I had to date this girl. It was about a month after school started that i ended up asking her out! She said yes of coarse. Fast forward 4 months too her 16th birthday. She called me up the night before school and asked If I wanted a ride to school. i was flabbergasted. What? How? Turns out her father bought her a brand new dodge ram with about 30k km on it.
Thats was the first sign to me that they were well off. As time went on my fiances Father became more fond of our relationship. My mother had recently lost her job and only had a 20 year old car that hardly ran. This man offered her a job at his small business that he owns, AND gave her one of the older fleet trucks ( that stills runs to this day with almost 500k km on it )
My now fiance and I worked at his small business throughout the summer months inbetween school years and were saving for a nice vacation after graduation. He ended up spending 3,000 on our plane ticket as a gift…
We started working for his business full time after graduation. We planed to each live at our parents home so we could save for a down payment on a modest home. We managed to save 25,000 or so and went to the bank. unfortunality they would not approve us for a loan enough to buy a good home. We were sad, but life is life.
This is where I am still too this day, Blown away. He brought us into his office at work and said ” Give me your down payment. We are going house shopping next week ” I could not f*****g believe it. This man was going to set us up for life. And he did. We are currently paying him a “mortgage payment” every month.
We are extremely gratefull. I grew up moving almost every year while my parents were chasing the jobs. I hated it, I understood why. But I hated it. I am beyond happy that I met this girl and that her father is so dam generous. As i sit typing this out at the desk I earned at his company I am thankful for the opportunity he gave me. I try every day not to be the spoiled Bosses son-in law. I should also mention that he also gave my uncle a job when he moved across Canada 5 years ago ( still works with us ) and has recently hired my mothers step brother as an IT guy.
TLDR; Meet a girl in grade 9. Her parents bought us lots of things, gave us very good jobs and helped us purchase a house.
The one that was the biggest shock was my first Christmas with his family. We had only been dating for 2 months. His family flew us out to their condo in a private resort which required us to fly through a private airport as well.
Day two, his parents took me out to buy ski supplies as my Christmas present.. they spent over $4000 on my ski suit and accessories. I got down mittens! It took a good 30 minutes of coaxing for them to get me to stop staring at the redo I Lois price tags, but even then I felt uncomfortable.
Fast forward a week to Christmas morning, his mom made sure I had a stocking (which was exciting and homely for me because growing up we usually only did stockings). But then I pulled out a box.. with a $300 necklace in it. A $300 stocking stuffer! I thought it was the wrong stocking. Like it was supposed to be for her daughter (we had the same name). I had never had a stocking valued over $20, and I had only opened one part.
All-in-all they are the kindest family. Very humble, and always sharing their happiness and wealth when they can!
We aren’t married but have been together for 6 years and lived together for 3 years. My SO’s family is very well off and I still get surprised randomly about it.
I remember one time his dad was complaining about wanting a new car because his Mercedes was old. I kind of laughed and said “isn’t it only 3 years old?” And he replied totally stunned and said “oh my goodness no it is 5!” I couldn’t hide the look on my face… I drive a 14 yr old Jeep and my family still has a 20 yr old Durango (great car btw).
Our personalities definitely haven’t changed (that I’m aware of). He knows that he’s had advantages in life because of his family’s wealth and is fiscally responsible with his money. Although I can not say that about his computer spending habits…
We didn’t get married, but I dated a woman from a much wealthier background than myself for about five years – and we very much thought we’d get married.
I didn’t grow up dirt poor or anything, but I grew up in my cities Western suburbs (when people say the West they often say it snidely), raised by a single mum. My ex grew up in the second most exclusive suburb in the Eastern suburbs, the poshest area of my city, homes in her street were at least 3 mil.
Honestly, I would say it only changed each of us potentially for the worse.
Her family disliked me from day one and never gave me a chance. It was a really intense dislike, they consistently made me uncomfortable, purposefully even. They would make fun of what I was used to eating (I had meat and two veg growing up, veg microwaved from the frozen section because my mum was, you know, busy doing everything alone) and they went to the ritziest restaurants in the city consistently – at least once a week. They wouldn’t really speak to me at the dinner table, rather they would speak to each other and if I offered an opinion they would look at me silently and continue on. It was ironic in my view because I was actually the most well educated person at the table with two university degrees, and yet they consistently acted like I could have nothing of value to say.
I don’t have the energy to rehash the horrendous behaviour of her family but let’s just say they had no semblance of basic manners (instead of, say, making a dish they know someone likes when they are a guest they will actively make something they hate to
‘open their worldview), they refused to treat my mother like a person, they will help no one, they had this weird thing where they were incredibly wealthy but refused to make enough food for the table, they treated both of their adult children like 12 year olds, they had poor hygiene etc.
On my end, my girlfriend didn’t visit my family home very much. She didn’t like the commute. When she did she would make a mess in the kitchen and never clean up etc. I could tell she was judging what we ate. When we invited her parents to come out to our suburb and have some Thai food they hired a driver because they didn’t want to drive to this area themselves (it’s not remotely dangerous, it’s incredibly vanilla, my suburb is just full of very Christian white people who drive toyotas and not Mercedes), and they spent the entire time at dinner mentioning how surprised they were that there was anyone in the restruant and how surprised they were that the food was good. They also had this habit of treating wait staff like robots – ‘get this, get that’ never looking them in the eyes.
This one time my ex’s parents went to Italy for a month and didn’t bother to check if they left enough food for their dog. My ex can’t drive and I wasn’t in the state so my lovely mother drove to the other side of the city, bought the food, drove it to the house, and drove home. It was a 200 dollar bag of food, mind you. Her parents never said thank you and never offered to repay. That’s the general vibe.
One time I had to have surgery for something intestinal and I had to go to my ex’s families house for dinner – I requested that I’d like something plain this time around because I was feeling a bit off post surgery. Her mother couldn’t cope with the idea of having to accommodate another human and made a massive deal of it.
Basically, being with me long term seemed to bring tension into her elitist as f**k family, and it made me reluctant to date someone from that background again, which I know is irrational but God, was her family the worst.
I married into an upper middle class family. I’m living a lot more comfortably than I ever did with my family. My parents struggled with debt most of my upbringing and we never could afford exstravigant vacations. When I married my husband, I couldn’t believe how generous my in-laws were/are. My mil made the house we’re living in now possible a lot sooner than we were expecting. She foots the bill for expensive improvements and repairs on the house when we need it. She plans to help pay for my parents to fly out to visit (they live in the US and I live in Canada) when I have my baby. The list goes on. Hubby and I are very smart with our money so it’s not like I went from not being able to manage money to just getting taken care of by generous and well off in-laws. I’ve always been a saver. Marrying into this family has helped me understand that I don’t have to live in fear of spending money. Growing up with very little money has taught me a lot too. I’d say I have benefited in more ways than one with both lifestyles.
I married into a hugely wealthy family. My father in law was President of an international medical staffing firm. He retired 3 times from the company and each time had a bigger retirement package.
My wife is cultured beyond belief, fluent in at least 4 languages and has seen the world that most of us could only dream of seeing in our lifetimes.
My wife is also one of the hardest working people I have ever met and even with all the wealth actually practices charity to the point that I have to stop her.
I never realized how influential the name was until visiting New York and staying at the 4 seasons a manager came over and called my F-I-L by name and pushed us to the front of the line. We were treated like royalty that week.
Or for my wedding to his daughter. Not only did he foot the bill for everything (Wedding reception consumed 12.5 gallons of Patron) he flew my wife and I 3 week honeymoon anywhere in the world on his dime.
He gave us his AMEX black and said have fun. 6 countries well over 100k in a honeymoon never said a word.
I never answered the question. Yes, it changed me after being exposed to that kind of wealth and family support (something that my poor, broke, redneck trailer park a*s never experienced as a child) I wanted to be better, to fully utilize my potential and I have completely reworked my entire image and thought process to do it.
I now have my own wealth, separate from the wife’s and her father gives me endless counsel on how to properly manage a business and doors are opening for me faster than I can keep up to be honest.
I will never forget the harsh lessons he gave to me when I sent my business model to him. He essentially nuked it with a verbal hadoken that almost unraveled my very existence. However, I kept refining it and finally won his approval.
Im glad I did, the bank loaned the money with very little issue. I paid off the loan in less than 9 months.
Married into wealthy family. Moved overseas to live with them. They aren’t considered particularly wealthy In country, but from my home-standards they certainly live in a mansion!
I grew up with split parents. One below poverty and one middle class but always working. Saw life from both sides.
It’s insane to see how some people have kids (often adult kids) with no concept of money management. Buying designer clothes every week, eating out at expensive fancy restaurants and ordering in every second night. Then they are surprised how at the end of the month they have no savings.
It’s so common to hear or 30 year olds getting casual handouts of cash from their parents. My family wouldn’t have been able to afford to do that on one side (albeit would go into debt to help you if it was an emergency).
Many of these families had a grandparent or parent that worked hard for the money. But the concept and ability to budget was never taught to the kids.
I didnt end up marrying this guy pretty much for this reason – he was such a child. His family babied him his entire life and his sisters were ducking psychotic. He was so overly impressed with himself for doing better in college, for example, when he didnt even consider that all of his friends had to work three jobs just to be there. His entire private schooling, apartment, groceries, literally everything was paid for out of pocket by his family. He was defensive over everything and could never admit that he had any amount of privilege. One of the reasons why I liked him at first was because he had apparently done s**t jobs for a large part of his life, so we could relate. I thought he was grounded. TURNS OUT he worked one shot job for two weeks and then quit, never to work again. Hes such a wuss that he stills tells people it was so traumatizing for him and that it changed him. This is a shock for me. I cant believe people are actually like this.
I didn’t marry into money. But my mum did. My step dad and his family are…well…pretty much landed gentry. We live in the UK. And they have/had estates in Yorkshire and Scotland. My step dad was amazing (he passed away a couple of years ago) completely unconcerned with money. He lived in jumpers with big holes in them and ate cheese and honey sandwiches most of the time. He lived in the servants quarters of a big stately home with all his bee keeping stuff and froze in winter because of no central heating. All his family did Eton and then Oxford for their education. And the kids got ponies for birthdays…lovely people. Kind and generous and living in a completely different world from every other person I know. I got married in one of their estates in Yorkshire with an out door heated pool that they just let me borrow because “it’s nice to see it used for a happy occasion”… My mum is equally as baffled by these kind and strange people. When she married my step dad she was an unemployed art teacher having to fight my dad for every penny of child support she could get out of him.
Edit: I have a lot of random stories about them and my step dad if people are interested
Image source: sweetprince686
Hope I’m not too late to the party here. I feel I have an actually good answer for once..
First off, I come from a wealthy family but not a FU kind of wealthy family. I grew up privileged in the extent I went to great schools my whole life and never really had to worry about much. My family is lovely, caring, kind and cares so much about helping others.
My fiancée has a FU wealthy family that is riddled with drama. We’re talking old, deep, family wealth. Go anywhere in the world and do anything you could imagine kind of money.
My fiancée was the youngest of many and has always been the black sheep. At first, I thought it was in her head, but we have been together a long time and I have had the privilege of experiencing their treatment of her first hand.
The weird issue is that though she is the youngest, she is also the most successful. Super smart lady!
The rest of her siblings need her families help to deal with life. They just can’t figure out how to do anything on their own. Her family treats her so poorly and all we can come up with is that since we don’t need their help, they don’t like us.
There has been a massive perspective shift regarding wealth for both of us. We have decided that we never want wealth to be used against us as a measure of love. We just want to be happy, and do what we love with who we love.
I think the big change in personality has occurred because she experienced (via my family) that you can be wealthy, but also not be a total D. It has taken a lot of therapy for the two of us to not tolerate her family’s treatment of us, and realize we are ok with or without them in our lives.
We’ve both changed for the better as a result of their “money solves problems and equates to love” attitude.