27 Rules That Mothers Follow As Part Of The Unspoken Mom Code
Anyone choosing to raise a kid has taken on one of the most demanding and time-consuming jobs in the world that they literally cannot quit for a period of 18 years. So it’s to be expected that there are some things that those who understand the commitment and responsibility do for others they see in a similar plight in a pledge of solidarity.
Hence, the birth of the unspoken mom code. Recently, female Redditors got online to share their own take on the topic and what little things they do to make sure other women in the same boat have it a little easier so scroll below to update yourself.
#1 Give parents with disabled kids as much grace as possible. That’s an unimaginably hard job.
#2 I will entertain stranger’s kids in confined public spaces (like buses or lineups) when I am not with my kids because it’s such a godsend when people entertain mine.
Image source: Peregrinebullet
#3 Always offer to take photos of moms with their kids if I see them grabbing pictures of just the kids.
I will warn you if my kid is even slightly suspected to be sick or we were recently exposed to an illness but aren’t currently sick so you can make a judgment call on if you want to be near us. To a weirdly specific amount “they sneezed 3 times today, could be nothing? Could be a new global pandemic- no fever but acting normal FYi”
I expect you to do the same. Even if it’s “they have chronic asthma and that barky cough is lingering from an asthma attack this morning.”
I’ll never forget before I had kids one of my friends had 4 kids, saved for years and was leaving on a dream vacation to Hawaii, she was leaving in a few days… when another mom casually mentioned (an hour into a visit) her kid was confirmed positive with Flu A AND B.
We cut her out of our lives after that and refer to her as “fluzie Suzie” thankfully Hawaii moms kid didn’t get sick (she had an awesome trip!) but the sheer stupidity of exposing us all and thinking it was fine?? It was unreal.
#5 I pass on my grandmother’s wisdom to “never wake a sleeping baby.” I try not to wake sleeping tweens if I can help it! Kids need sleep!
#6 I will stand in the path of your toddler who is attempting to run away
#7 If I am grocery shopping and you have your kids but I don’t, I let you cut in front of me.
#8 Always hold doors for parents with strollers.
#9 Solidarity, not shame, when someone else’s child is tantruming in public.
#10 Compliment parents who go out on public with stickers on their faces or toddler marker “tattoos.”
#11 RESPECT THE NAP/ routine
All my supplies are available to any who need it if I have it on hand. Diapers, wipes, tissues, bandaids, snacks, even tampons if need be. My purse is PACKED lol
I realized I alwayd give up my space in line to parents with kids too lol.. if I’m out without my kid that is. I understand all to well needing to get the f**k ouuuuuutt and finish up whatever errand you’re on.
And lastly I never judge, only listen and support. If you want to tell me you just f*****g hate being a mom today, I am here. We all have those days.
#13 For me, it’s all of these, but also when I see a mom in a public bathroom with a baby that needs a diaper changed, I always ask if they would like some help. There have been times when I needed it and there was no one around.
#14 Don’t feed someone else’s kid without asking
#15 If your kid has an accident, the extra clothes in my bag are yours.
#16 Never use the phrase “just you wait until….”, especially about something negative.
#17 Offer to help a mom traveling solo with a kid at the airport if I’m able (once offered to help unfold the stroller but the woman said I could hold her 1yo! I was away from mine the same age so it was nice for both of us.)
#18 If you see a kid in danger, and it doesn’t look like any other adult is going to do something, do something.
#19 If you let your boyfriend abuse your kids and you choose your bf, you are no longer my friend.
#20 If I am at a playground with friends we will help each other’s kids and do zone parenting- it’s an unspoken rule.
#21 This is not exacty ‘unspoken’, but I ask moms ( and dads) how they are doing. And genuinely try to actually ‘see’ and ‘hear’ their response. We all do so much, but all focus and energy is on the kids. It’s really special when someone acknowledge and ‘sees’ me and all I do so I try to do the same.
#22 If I have a crying kid next to me on a plane or bus, offer the parent some help.
#23 My teen pointed this out to me- I didn’t even realize I do it- but if I see a child without an adult in arms reach I just stop and stare until I figure out who their adult is or talk with them until their adult Comes if no one is around. I think it’s just engrained in me!
#24 I give honest feedback when another parent asks how things are going with xyz in relation to the kids. 4yo is a picky eater but doing well otherwise. Baby is still waking at night but we’ll turn a corner soon. I think parents find solace when they hear real stories from other parents.
#25 Sharing clean diapers and age-appropriate snacks is a def yes.
This thread makes me so happy.
Today we were loading our twin 3.5yr olds into the car at the farmers market. My boy twin wasn’t being bad just taking his sweet time sitting straight in his seat, getting buckled etc. This older lady was waiting to get into her car next to us and was like “ok T, let’s get buckled real quick someone is waiting (!!!)” and she was like “oh don’t worry, I remember those days!” Similarly, someone at the store watched my daughter in the cart (right behind me) in the parking lot while I loaded her brother. And it was just this nice little balm of relief. So whenever I see someone with kids I hold the door or give a knowing smile because that solidarity is everything.
#27 Unless I have a very good reason to say no, our RSVP for birthday party invites will be yes.