25 Women Share Why They Did Or Did Not Change Their Surnames After Marriage
Not too long ago, most women who married would take their husband’s last name. However, this expectation is being fulfilled less and less by modern women. As the topic of changing one’s name came up, one man on the X platform asked women online what made them want to take, or refuse, their spouse’s last name after marriage. Many women joined the conversation and shared their honest opinions and reasons, which you can explore in the gallery below.
#1
Image source: whatoline, Luis Becerra Fotógrafo
3 things, in order:
1. My husband didn’t get the PhD I did, my name stays
2. It’s the last thing I have left of my dad who passed when I was 16
3. My last name is cooler 😂
And….my husband doesn’t care because he loves me for far more than just a last name
#2
Image source: blk_dahlia, Polina Zimmerman
Do you know why I took my husband’s last name because it was 4 letters and mine was 9 letters. It’s just easier. I only think in practical terms.
#3
Well…. I’ve been married for over 40 years and took my husbands name, but now Republicans are floating the idea that I need to show proof of my birth name to vote. What if I didn’t have access to my birth certificate and other documents? It’s a form of voter suppression against women and perhaps we should keep our names to survive in this nation. It’s not always about you.
#4
Image source: globelleaffairs, Polina Zimmerman
What benefit does a husband’s name provide us? We already have a name. Who does things that don’t have a benefit?
#5
Image source: monicaaksamit, Antoni Shkraba Studio
My last name won an Olympic medal, and means velvet. No I’m not changing it. Whoever HE is he can change his to mine.
#6
Image source: t.s_naomi, Jay Imagery
I will keep my last name. I run my own practice. Everything I have achieved has been done on my name and I am proud of that. I am the first in our family to have achieved a lot of things and I am proud of who I am and what my surname has come to represent because of my hard work and years of sacrifice. I would hope that I will marry a man whose sense of identity and self worth in our relationship is not anchored to his surname.
#7
Image source: peculiar.paramore, cottonbro studio
We’re getting married later than we used to. Changing a legal name has a lot of steps for starters and a lot of it has to be done in person so literally standing in line all day. I personally have financial/business matters in my maiden name which is another set of hoops to jump through when I legally have a new name.
Socially, I’ll be Mrs. [Husband’s name] to everyone we meet. But, PLEASE don’t make me do the paperwork.
#8
Image source: katebullockwrites, cottonbro studio
Ah. The smell of misogyny in the morning.
If a man can’t respect that a woman has a whole identity outside of him, he’s not marriage material. Because he fails to see women as people and instead sees them as property.
#9
Image source: taxlawguru, Murat IŞIK
I did not change my name because historically women did it because they had no rights outside of their husband. There was no way I was continuing a patriarchal tradition that was rooted in ownership. If you can explain why a man doesn’t consider changing his name WITHOUT resorting to/leaning on patriarchy and its progeny, a conversation can be had.
#10
Image source: lucytreloarwriter, Polina Zimmerman
My husband felt that sharing the same surname was an important symbol of unity. I asked if it really mattered to him. He said yes, a lot. I said that it wasn’t important to me, but if he wanted to change his name to mine I was fine with that, and the strangest thing: suddenly changing his name would be a tremendous inconvenience to his working life, and to people staying in touch with him. He laughs about it now, several decades later. Our sons have his surname and our daughter has my surname.
#11
Image source: paulechimi, Drew Coffman
In some places, like Quebec, getting married doesn’t automatically mean changing a last name.
By law, women keep their birth name after marriage.
It’s simply a legal difference, not a reflection of love or commitment.
For them a marriage is built on unity, not paperwork.
#12
Image source: almabelcher, Lynde
Many reasons:
1. It is illegal in my country to change my name to my husband’s.
2. I was a person already when I met him.
3. I have awesome parents, which have given me a solid foundation for my future. Their name is mine forever.
4. We are a marriage, equal partners for everything except in the risks taken in order to form a family. So my surname went first and he knew it would be like that since we became serious.
5. My husband is strong enough to accept a strong woman.
#13
Image source: lmorris_writer, A F
I took my first husband’s name and changed back after our divorce. I did not take my second husband’s name. It’s a HASSLE and he doesn’t care because he’s not an insecure prick.
#14
Image source: kylajlacey, Ron Lach
No man will ever convince me that his last name is more important to me than mine. Additionally, why are women the only ones who are required to literally change their identities in order to be coupled?
#15
Image source: vincausa, Ivan S
I don’t have much sentimentality in me. But I’m very much a fan of things that just sound nice. When I got married I liked the sound of the new name so much better than my maiden name, and having my maiden name as my middle just messed it all up. So I dropped my last name. Now it’s reverse alliteration, all my names end in A and it sounds light and fluffy, easy to pronounce common names yet very unique in combination. The choice has nothing to do w my husband
#16
Image source: happynsmiling27, A. C.
I like my name and I don’t like my husbands, I also had my grandma walk me down the aisle and I told my husband that if he “asked my dad for my hand in marriage” I would never marry him. I am my own person, not my fathers’, not my husbands’.
#17
Image source: giselllaa, Lia Bekyan
I didn’t take my husbands last name because I didn’t want too point blank. We are an interracial couple and his last name would have changed my name on a cultural level that I was not comfortable with. Culturally speaking, women don’t change their last names where my family is from. Children carry two last names. We agreed our children would have his last name and that I would keep mine. It was a compromise that we haven’t had an issue with.
#18
Image source: joanna.kalafatis, Timur Weber
My name has been my identity as long as I can remember. I am the only child of my family. If I change it, it’s gone. It is a signifier of my cultural heritage, which I’m very proud of. In my professional life, I am credited with it and recognized for it. Giving it up is not only a logistical nightmare, but would make me feel as though I am turning my back on huge parts of who I am.
If one day someone said, your last name is now O’Connell, forget your old one, that’s who you are. You’d be cool?
#19
Image source: ruthbc_is_here, ArtHouse Studio
Men have always got to keep their names, so I thought it would be good to keep mine.
#20
Image source: montano_bri, Mikhail Nilov
I was on the path to becoming a doctor. Why would I credit his family while mine fought a communist regime, fled our homeland, moved to Europe, then America. I put in the work. Not him. His family doesn’t value education. Hell, some of his family won’t admit what’s actually happening in America because they have to confront themselves.
Long story short, my last name means a LOT to me. It’s not just a name. It’s held up against multiple regimes, immigration, and if I ever complete my PhD
#21
Image source: madeleine.robins, Mikhail Nilov
I kept my name—partly because it’s my professional name and partly because my name is easier to spell than his, and partly because it was my name for 30+ years and I liked it. He, fine fellow, wasn’t fazed in the least.
I’m also old enough to remember that all my mother’s credit cards were in my father’s name. She marveled when I got one in my own name. You don’t let go of that.
#22
Image source: deph1nitely_jeli, Karolina Grabowska
More than likely hyphenated. I’m 35, and I’ve accomplished things, and I’m known by many with THIS last name. At this point it’ll be too confusing to change it.
I also feel like if you’re a man that feels that strongly about a name, then you MAY be too patriarchal and traditional in other aspects for me as well.
I have my Mom’s middle name, so I don’t want to drop that. My mind may change about the name thing. Idk.
#23
Image source: talltink, Andres Ayrton
My partner and I have talked about taking a new last name because he doesn’t want to be tied to his family and I already changed my name once for my first husband so we are going with a totally new name together!
#24
Image source: kristinadidthereading, Polina Tankilevitch
Mitochondrial DNA is passed through the maternal bloodline. My progeny will have my last name.
#25
Image source: caroline.elkhoury, Hidayət İsgəndərsoy
For me it was simply identity change. I married a white man and I didn’t want a ‘white’ last name. I wanted to keep my last name so I can keep my culture, ethnicity, indigenous Christian religion (some Arabic last names tell you what religion you are)
Got wisdom to pour?