People Who Caught A Partner Cheating Warn Others To Watch Out For These 35 Red Flags

We are on the heels of a viral cheating scandal playing out on social media and straying on a partner is currently quite a hot topic.  It may seem like the ultimate betrayal to philander yet it happens often enough that some even act as though they have the right to engage in such acts without taking accountability. It’s hard to imagine someone beloved actually choosing to disrespect and hurt a person they supposedly loved through infidelity but it happens often enough that it’s better to wise up and protect yourself than to be crying over spilt milk. 

#1

Image source: burgeremoji, MART PRODUCTION

When my ex cheated on me, he had been on his phone all the time, turning it away from me, and going out a lot without me (I was friends with his friends). This wasn’t enough to make me twig though.

I went away for the night to visit my best friend who lived in another city. That night we were texting and he asked me twice what time I was coming home. Still didn’t think anything of it, until I got home, and the flat we shared was completely spotless and the bedsheets were changed. I instantly knew at that point – he never did any housework unless I begged him to. He went in the shower and I went through his phone, and I found texts to somebody who I thought was my friend, about how they can’t wait to do last night again. Scrolling up, they were talking about how they’d almost been caught by their friends on all those nights without me etc.

So yeah. F**k that guy.

#2

Image source: Cursethewind, Katya Wolf

I got mailed a wedding invitation by his fiance of four years that I had thought was just a good friend of his.

That was not only a clear-cut sign he was cheating, but that I was the other woman and in second place.

#3

Image source: OfficePsycho, Pixabay

Fearful of any lasting evidence of the relationship.

I was with someone for many years, and was blissfully unaware she had been cheating on me for an extended time. A number of months before she left me for one of her other guys, she stopped wanting to take pictures of us together. This was in the days of film cameras, and I didn’t pick up on this sudden change in behavior, because I hate having my picture taken and thought she was finally respecting my opinion, as well as saving a lot of money.

Despite that, I suggested we get a portrait done of us together, as I was planning on asking her to marry me, and thought it would be nice to have. I still clearly remember her telling me she thought it wasn’t a good idea, because “what if we ever split up?” It blew my mind, but I had some horrible stuff going on in my life that was distracting me.

After she broke up with me she told any mutual acquaintances that we’d been together for only a year, not almost six as we really had been, and pointed to a lack of pictures as proof I was a crazy ex obsessed with her. It never occurred to her that people who knew us all those years would be willing to say that we had been together for years, or that I still had pictures from our years together.

Also, she started asking me if I would date this person or that person, and letting me know if she “approved” of the choices. Apparently she planned to control my dating life after she dumped me, but that’s a tale for another thread.

#4

Image source: makethatnoise, Ketut Subiyanto

If they’ve already cheated on you.

Sure, “people change”, but real talk 99% of the time if someone cheats on you, and you forgive them, they will do it again. It’s only a matter of time.

#5

Image source: PetticoatBandit, Yan Krukau

Every relationship I had that ended because I found out they were cheating had one common denominator:

They frequently accused me of cheating.

Like, all the time. I have never cheated.

For example, my last ex accused me of making plans to go cheat on them with an actor from tv. I didn’t even know the actor’s real name, I just thought the actor was cute. Cue huge fight. Find out later they’ve been cheating on me with “just a friend, don’t worry”. 5 years later the ridiculousness of it still strikes me from time to time.

#6

Image source: partofbreakfast, Becca Correia

This is what I noticed in my relationship (I’m a lesbian btw, so we are both girls)

* Suddenly changing her schedule when nothing big has happened in her life (she would start hanging out with friends every night for several hours and not have time to hang out with me (we were not living together at the time))

* Not telling me who was texting her during one of our dates (this was back in the time of flip phones, so I couldn’t see her screen)

* She stopped talking about our future together (we had been planning on moving in together)

* Getting agitated over small questions that should have been no big deal (things like “want me to drive you to class today?”)

* Not answering phone calls, and taking longer to respond to texts.

* Her friends suddenly stopped talking to me.

* She got pregnant.

Excluding the last one, any of those on their own wouldn’t have been a big deal probably. I didn’t even put it all together at first. But when I saw that pregnancy test in her trash can and asked her about it, all of the pieces suddenly fell into place.

#7

Image source: anon, Alena Darmel

You can feel it. They’re different. They seem to be happier when they leave, but miserable when they come home. The fights are getting more frequent. They show interest in new music and movies that they’ve never shown before, and don’t offer to share them with you. They have a new cologne/perfume and choose to wear it when they’re away from you. They shower more.

Wow. They look nice. You want to touch them, hug them, show them affection and you’re met with disdain and “I’m kind of tired right now, babe.” You start thinking it’s you. Maybe I’m the problem, maybe I’m not doing something right. You start to make changes to better your relationship. You cook their favorite meals, wear the clothes that they used to like on you. You put in the effort more than ever before, but instead of becoming closer to them, they seem angry. You panic. The red flags are in your face and you just want to disappear. You fight, they leave, and you start drinking again.

#8

Image source: anon, mikky k

My dad wasn’t my partner, but I busted him for cheating on my mother when I suspected that him talking on the phone in the driveway for a half hour each night after she went to bed was not business-related. I don’t even know if I should have done that; the marriage ended.

#9

Image source: IWishIWasMoreClever1, RDNE Stock project

From my experience, finding more reasons to be mad at you and blame you for things. He was getting so upset any time I made small mistakes to make our failed relationship my fault.

#10

Image source: Ashbrincon, Robert Nagy

My high school boyfriend never saved phone numbers into his phone. He claimed he was just “too lazy.” Turns out the unsaved numbers belonged to his many many side girls.

#11

Image source: tank_of_happiness, Hazel Marie

For me it was the breath mints. Out of nowhere she started using breath mints. I would find breath mints in her car and in her purse.

#12

Image source: Frumpyjellyfish, Good Faces Agency

He had Tinder on his phone and claimed that he had downloaded it to troll people.

Sure. Yeah.

#13

Image source: alloutofdietcoke, RDNE Stock project

For me, I could tell he was growing increasingly distant. He would tell me I wasn’t putting the effort into our relationship, but when I tried to be more attentive and loving, he would withdraw. And then one awesome night, I asked him if there was someone else. He had a panic attack which left him unable to breathe, and I and his uncle rushed him to the ER. For 2 weeks after, he would send me pictures of the toll the attack had taken on his eyes and skin. I felt like a monster.

It turned out that I had just hit the nail on the head and unnerved him. The worst part is that his whole family knew and had been helping him hide it because they thought I was an awful person due to some lies he had been feeding them. His uncle was paying for the secret cell phone. Everyone was encouraging him to leave me for her, not knowing I had been paying the majority of the household expenses and had been doing everything I could think of to make him happy. He also engaged in some horrible mind games, including disappearing with a gun to make me think he had gone off to k**l himself. There’s more but that is easily the most traumatizing of the lot.

When I found out and asked why, he said I just didn’t love him enough.

#14

Image source: Arcade42, Budgeron Bach

The number one thing is that it suddenly seems like you never do anything right despite never changing your behavior.

Its usually an effort to justify their own cheating or even to accuse you of cheating to justify their own.

#15

Image source: Wide_Ocelot, Airam Dato-on

A sudden increased interest in their appearance – lots of working out.

They kiss different from how they used to.

No interest in s*x. Can’t perform.

Falls asleep when you’re talking to him.

Lots of added business travel.

#16

Image source: PunchBeard, Antoni Shkraba Studio

Has a 20 minute explanation involving aliens, a cactus and a snake wearing a vest when asked why they were late coming home from work instead of the usual 1 or 2 word answer they usually give.

#17

Image source: Doorbell254, cottonbro studio

From what happened with my ex, the biggest one was taking his phone in the bathroom with him when he showered or went to the toilet, and spending a suspiciously long time in the toilet multiple times a day (to the point where I thought he was having serious digestive issues).

Plus: becoming really critical of me, snapping at me, no longer wanting to say ‘I love you’, and snatching his phone away aggressively when I asked if I could use the GPS on it. Oh also, suddenly doing new s*x stuff, but I wouldn’t read too much into that last one – they might have just read some s*x tips in Men’s Health or something.

#18

Image source: TheGarp, cottonbro studio

Fixing that one little cosmetic thing they have had for years…. like finally getting that toenail fungus under control, or that mole removed…..

#19

Image source: Esmerelda-Weatherwax, Nick Fancher

* Being edgy or secretive about their phone calls
* Keeping their phone on silent
* sudden increase in grooming/new clothes (may be irrelevant for certain personalities)
* Being overly irritable with you for no reason
* lack of interest in s*x with you
* a general feeling of becoming more distant
* being out of the house more often than normal
* going through a lot of money and not telling you where it’s going
* accusing you of cheating
* going outside for phone calls and hanging up if you follow
* being very over protective about who you hang out with
* finding them snooping through all your stuff

In my defense I was in my early 20’s, only my second long term relationship. I should have seen these as giant red flags, but …. yeah. Lesson learned.

I do know this isn’t 100% a solid test for fidelity. Yep, you could point out any one of these “signs” and by itself it def doesn’t mean cheating. Yes some people are just private people – it’s more important if these things listed are changes from the norm. This is just what I noticed from personal experience. The more boxes get ticked the more concerned I would be personally.

#20

Image source: lars1323, Keira Burton

She starts arguments out of the blue so she can storm out the door.
Has disdain for having s*x with you.
After years of wearing the same style of underwear…switches to brand new s**y ones.
With absolutely no basis…accuses you of cheating on her.
Has to stay after work or go in early a lot.
Gets extremely pissed off when you question her strange behavior.

#21

Image source: 35palas12, Getty Images

Long periods of time in which you cannot account for their whereabouts.

And when they do tell you where they have been, they tell you a detailed story, in which they progressively fill in the details because it is a lie. Sad!

#22

Image source: The_Jenazad, Hannah Xu

You can tell by body language and tone.

A real easy one is they come home and immediately hit the shower, but it’s not hot and they didn’t hit the gym or done anything strenuous.

#23

Image source: anon, Polina Zimmerman

“Just a friend”
“Just”

That extra word is unnecessary and is a sign of guilt that they are at the very least emotionally cheating on you.

#24

Image source: ClubSeal4SealClubbin, RDNE Stock project

Personal experience;

If someone is extremely possessive or keeps bringing up what would happen if their partner cheated or just seems overly bent out of shape about cheating. They’re probably a cheater.

This couple I know. Sweetest girl I’ve ever met. Extremely nice. Very loyal. She was honestly head over heels for her husband even after years of marriage. It was genuinely one of those things that made me -want- a relationship. I wanted someone to love ME that much.

The guy would always say things like “If you cheated on me, it would destroy me.” harmless at first. But he said it weekly. He knew her phone password and convinced her that he was always, at any time, allowed to look at her phone. To flip through her texts and pictures. If she ever changed her password to anything, he had to know immediately. Facebook, emails, phones. History must never be cleaned on the computer. Things like that.

When she was talking with me to plan his surprise party, we were using codewords and she was too suspicious about it and he went through our messages thinking we were fooling around behind his back.

He made her cut contact with me to prove that we weren’t. I wasn’t allowed to talk to her, visit, call, text, email, or even use facebook. I let it go because..well the only option was to let it go or get mad and make things worse.

Four months later she called me. He told her he lost his phone, and wanted to get a new one. So he got a new phone, new number, new plan. Said he’d cancel the other one.

He even told her, as show of trust, he would let her root through his phone WHENEVER she wanted as well. His new phone of course. She was cleaning one day and found his old phone. She was about to bring it to him and show him, but her alarms went off so she went through it first.

Password protected. but same password for his “new” phone. She got in. Yup. He’d been cheating for awhile. Absolutely destroyed her. SO! If they are so incredibly defensive about cheating, they themselves might be guilty of it and are thinking “if I cheated, my partner might cheat.”.

#25

Image source: shinyblastoise, Timur Weber

Signs I knew was, she was being a little more distant we had this among connection and about the time she went to a friend’s birthday party was about the same time she started being distant.

I chopped it up to being just past the “honey moon” phase.

Another was she suddenly hand a lot of little events come up, she was usually a stay at home play games type of person, that suddenly wanted to go out for a bit with “friends” or had to visit family.

Which she never did so subtly in changes of plans.

Lastly was a little scumy, but being suspicious will do that to a person, she will add 2 3 guys every day on Facebook around her area.

And one in particular I didn’t care for it seem like her type so to speak.

And my gut was right because a few days later I got a call from her father telling me she went out on a date with this guy who was a city over and she was “dressed to impress.”

Broke my heart but I have profound respect for that man.

#26

Image source: sericatus, Tima Miroshnichenko

Lying about where they are.

I think, in my life, I am five to one in this category. Six times in my life, a SO has lied about where they were. Five times, they were cheating. The other time, they were picking out a Valentine’s gift for me.

#27

Image source: caramel311, MART PRODUCTION

All these out-of-character signs occurring at the same time, was what alerted me to his cheating:

* Suddenly starts having a passcode on his phone and gets agitated if you accidentally see his screen whilst he’s using his phone.
* Says he’s coming home at a certain time then shows up 9 hours later, with no explanation, and gets agitated when asked.
* Starts gaslighting, manipulating, screaming, compulsive lying and verbally abusing on a daily basis.
* Starts going to the gym daily even after a 12 hour work shift that involves hard labour.
* Starts being distant and refusing to communicate, screams at you that he doesn’t want to talk at all, not even about the weather.
* All his friends (none who know me personally) start hating me out of nowhere, speaking ill of me to my face and behind my back, and wishing that I die.
* Starts to make future plans including overseas trips that don’t involve me.
* Starts becoming obsessed with p**nography despite being strictly religious all his life.
* Starts eyeing off other women in public in front of me.
* Starts comparing me to other women and threatening me with other women.
* Starts getting physically a*****e upon seeing me upset about his above actions.

Turns out, it was revealed that he was on dating sites and was planning to send me over 700km away interstate against my will and pursue a relationship with another woman in his city, and send me money weekly and visit me on weekends to keep up the facade of a marriage. Yes this man was my husband. Now ex.

Advice to everyone out there: You can never change someone who sees no wrong in their actions. How someone treats you is a reflection of who THEY are.

#28

Image source: triit, cottonbro studio

When they pick up their phone, read a message and smile, then realized they did and try to hide their expression and play it off.

#29

Image source: i_am_gud, Ketut Subiyanto

Her phone was in her hand CONSTANTLY.
I once stood up and walked past her to see what she was typing, it was this:
“looks nice, like you.”

They had started to hang out a lot, going for long dog walks, going to the opera, going for dinner.

She also started to be vile towards me and pick arguments out of nowhere.

She had been saying things like, “don’t you think T is hot, what would you do if we had an affair”.

She had stopped showing any interest in me whatsoever.

She had cheated on her last girlfriend several times and I have no doubt that she had cheated on me more than once during our time together.

Yeah, lesson learned.

#30

Image source: ninjagatan, Andrea Piacquadio

She’s sitting around on her phone and when you sit next to her she immediately changes positions so you can’t see her screen.

#31

Image source: anon, Vera Arsic

When they say you don’t have to worry about that guy/girl – start worrying.

#32

Image source: justsaysso, Alex Green

I have cheated, I was married for 5 years and have learned so much since then. I ended up leaving a wonderful person for a new wonderful person and after much hurt, forgiveness and growth I am very blessed with an incredible family. Here are some signs (I am male):

– working late with vague or flippant explanation (wouldn’t your spouse want to be detailed if you probed?) Note: I cheated with someone at work
– hiding or being very careful with my phone and laptop
– having a confidante that isn’t you
– unusual or sudden disinterest in intimacy
– disinterest in long-term plans

#33

Image source: anon, Ketut Subiyanto

When your partner stops arguing with you, watch out.

#34

Image source: Says_Pointless_Stuff, Andrea Piacquadio

Inconsistencies in their behavior. For instance Are they:

– Going from being very open with social media, phones etc. to having pass codes & locks on all of them.

– Suddenly less forthcoming about their day, not confiding in you as much.

– Having unexpected extended periods of “long work days” or excessive amounts of plans not including you.

– Inexplicably increasing their usage of their phone/Facebook/Snapchat/other chat services.

– Suddenly overtly paranoid about you cheating on them, with no real cause to suspect you of anything.

– In a friend circle where the others are (almost) ALL known for being unfaithful. This is less certain, but can be a sign.

This thread is making me depressed.

#35

Image source: anon, A. C.

Being extra careful with phone content

My ex even dared me to check his phone because I was complaining about him always checking mine. I made a show of perusing his folders and I found a folder full of 1 person’s messages. I think he even used a neutral/guy name. At that point my woman intuition was itching ever so slightly so I joked that I’d call the number. He said to go ahead. So I called the number but he still had that smug, confident look on his face. Someone picked up on the other line and I recognized it to be my previous editor-in-chief from my univ pub.

My ex started to lose it when I said “hello”. He can’t grab his phone so he made sure that my former EIC heard my name so she won’t talk anymore. Hahaha I should’ve thrown his phone to the wall! Aah… Missed opportunities.

TL:DR; Putting them in a single folder and passing them off as messages from a dude won’t cut it. My ex was an amateur.