“I Wanted The Ground To Swallow Me”: 30 Awkward Doctor’s Visits People Shared Online

Going to the doctor is rarely anyone’s favorite activity. Even in the best of circumstances, it can feel a little awkward to sit in a gown that barely ties at the back while answering deeply personal questions. But for some people, that awkwardness turned into full-blown embarrassment, so much so that they ended up sharing their experiences online.

#1

Image source: anon, Ben Weber / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Had a routine smear (pap) test as a student, I hadn’t slept the night before as I’d been partying hard and was still not quite with it.

The male doctor hadn’t performed a smear before and for some reason a nurse was called in to witness the procedure. Predictably the doc had trouble finding my cervix and the nurse told me to roll my hips up. The doctor was getting more and more nervy so to break the ice I started singing “rolling rolling rolling, keep those doggies movin, rawhide” (it made sense at the time)

Then I started to laugh uncontrollably at my own joke which caused the speculum to shoot out of my hooha and knock his glasses off.

The lab results were inconclusive.

#2

Image source: Deadlift50, Brooke Balentine / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Happened to a co-worker…

He wanted to get a vasectomy…two guys in the office had recommended a doctor they had used. To have some fun, they tell him that during the first consultation, he’ll have to [give a sample] into a cup for testing purposes.

Upon his arrival at the doctor’s office he speaks to the front desk nurse. After the paperwork, she hands him a cup, tells him to fill to the line, cap it and leave it on the sink. The cup was the size a tumbler glass and line was way at the top.

This guy goes in, thinking he needs to [give a sample]…sees no “inspirational” material but figures he can just wing it from memory. After about 10 minutes, nurse knocks on the door, asks if everything is OK.

Embarrassed about his output compared to the goal, he shows her the cup with the meager contribution and asks how the other guys filled to the line.

The nurse bursts out laughing and in between trying to catch her breath, tells him he was supposed to [urinate] in the cup.

After cleaning up, he had to go wait out in the waiting room with a large glass of water. He sat there about 30 minutes before doing a proper test and seeing the doctor. He said it was the longest 30 minutes of his life because within 5 minutes not a single nurse could keep a straight face.

#3

Image source: imascientist, tabitha turner / unsplash (not the actual photo)

This happened to a friend’s mother:

She was trying out a new OB/GYN. Post-examination, she was given a cup and directed to supply the office with a urine sample. Upon arriving at the bathroom, she saw that it had no door!

Friend’s mom just assumed that this new, free-wheeling OB/GYN office didn’t have bathroom doors and all the patients did their business in the light. So, nervously, she proceeded to create/collect the sample as people walked by in the hallway outside. I imagine they pretended not to notice or gave her strange looks, but it wasn’t until she was leaving the bathroom that she noticed the fully retracted sliding door.

#4

Image source: yummy_mummy, Alexander Grey / unsplash (not the actual photo)

When I was delivering my second child I was determined to not have a bowel movement and did an enema to help prevent this from happening. It did clean me out, however it caused the worst gas I had ever had in my life. I had an epidural so I couldn’t really feel anything and by the time I was ready to push I figured the gas had passed. I let the doctor know I was ready and he went right down there “in the danger zone”. He timed my contractions and let me know it was time for a good push. I pushed with all my baby delivering might and ripped the biggest, longest fart right in his face. I saw his hair literally blow back. Didn’t help that he was young and attractive.

#5

Image source: linds360, Curated Lifestyle / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Probably not the *most* embarrassing, but happened recently.

The last time I was at my doctor’s office I was kept waiting in the exam room for a really long time. Like long enough to go through all three magazines in the room. Eventually severe boredom set in and I started looking for other things to do.

There was a scale in the corner, so I thought *what the hell lets weigh some [stuff].* I started with my shoes, and eventually moved on to the magazines and my clothes. When I ran out of personal stuff, I surveyed the room and decided that I would like to know how much a chair weighs, so on the scale it went.

This is the exact moment the doctor and her resident decide to enter the room. There I am wearing nothing but a hospital gown and socks balancing a chair on the scale…

tldr; a doctor’s office chair weighs 8lbs.

#6

Well, I don’t know if this counts, but I did this to my husband. I had to have a procedure where they put me under anesthesia (the good stuff; knocks you out, but you wake up somewhat quickly later). So, my husband’s in the waiting room and I’m in the surgery. Procedure happens, all is fine. When I’m coming out of the anesthesia, I feel great. Happy, but blurry, and the nurse has gotten my husband. He’s standing there, waiting for me, and I look up at him, and well up with love. I also yell out my pet (and secret) name for him, “Pookie Boooooo! It’s you!!!! Oh, Boo, I’m so happy for my Pookie Boooooo!” My husband is glad that I’m doing all right, but is secretly mortified. There are about 10 nurses in the recovery room, and all smiling sweetly at my 6’1, burly Pookie Boo. He will never forgive me.

Image source: pbrooks19

#7

Image source: PaperStreetSoap, Jordan González / unsplash (not the actual photo)

So, I’m at the doctor, getting the [testicles] check from my late forties doctor, and she starts making small talk. She asks where I go to school, I say the name of my high school, she says, “Oh my son goes there.”

Suddenly I realize, my doctor has the same last name as one of my best friends from school. My friend’s mom is a doctor. My friends mom is rubbing my [testicles].

While extremely awkward it was pretty funny at school the next day.

“So I met your mom yesterday. She said I had very healthy [testicles]”.

#8

Image source: Immynimmy, Kateryna Hliznitsova / unsplash (not the actual photo)

When I was 7 my doctor told me to drop my pants (you know, the ‘ole hernia check). I ran out and screamed to my mom that the doctor was crazy and wanted to see my [private parts]. I specifically remember screaming “Mom, get your coat! This guy is crazy!”.

#9

Image source: JustHavinAGoodTime, Ahmet Kurt / unsplash (not the actual photo)

I arrived at my doctor’s office for a routine physical and everything was going fine. My previous conditions had all gone away and we were wrapping up when my doctor (female by the way, I am male) told me that she was “Going to need to check me for an enema.” She turned away for a moment to put on some gloves as she did so I stood up, took off my pants, and bent over.

I misheard her. One does not “check” for an enema. One checks for a hernia.

The moment she turned around I heard “Oh sweet Jesus, what!” and I immediately realized my mistake. I quickly turned around to see my now bright-red doctor flushing over the completely unprecedented sight of my anus pointed in her direction. I began to apologize profusely and what followed can only be described as an extremely awkward check for testicular cancer and a hasty departure on her part. Needless to say I, too, got out of there as quickly as possible.

#10

Image source: bobandfriends, Jimmy Conover / unsplash (not the actual photo)

While I was in labor with my first child her heartbeat started dropping. The doctors begin telling me that I have to try lying in different positions on the bed because the cord may be around her neck and we need to alleviate the pressure. They put me on my left side then my right side. Nothing is helping so they have me get on my hands and knees on the table. [Under meds], I declare proudly that this is the same position that my child was conceived in.

#11

Image source: doublej308, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)

First physical of my life. I drop my pants and the doctor says turn your head and cough. I hear turn your head and crawl. I cannot explain the levels of confusion and awkwardness that followed.

#12

Image source: heyheyjeffreyjay, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)

As a transguy, I had to get a hysterectomy. Calling out “Jeffrey” in the OBGYN waiting room full of women is pretty mortifying.

Then when I was in the office the doctor said, “Don’t worry, nobody likes this. Well, I have 2 patients that like it. They are in their 80’s and 90’s and they make an appointment every other week.”

He was a pretty awesome doctor too. When I got out of surgery he said, “You did great.” I said, “But I didn’t do anything.” To which he replied, “Well then I was great.”

#13

Image source: SamuelColts454, Andrej Lišakov / unsplash (not the actual photo)

I had some bleeding a while back (not enough fiber) and when the doc had me bend over and stuck his finger inside, I asked “Oh, so no dinner first?”

I discovered later that I go to church with the man….

#14

I was 3 minutes late for a doctor’s appointment. My mom works for an orthodontist, and I know the importance of being on time for appointments; but I had pulled over to vomit twice on my way to the doctor’s (for the ailment being treated) and that slowed me down.

When I arrived, I went to check in and I knew I would have to wait longer – I can’t just expect them to drop everything to see me. The [jerk] receptionist sees me walking in and loudly says “You’re late, Elsee28, the doctor will not be seeing you today” in front of about 10 other patients in the waiting room.

Everyone is staring at me at this point and I blinked back tears as I walked up to the counter and tried to explain and offered to sit and wait as long as possible and she refused.

Got in the car, drove myself to a walk-in clinic and have never returned to that doctor’s office again. Too bad, too; the doctor was really sweet but the old h*g at the front desk ensured I’d never return.

Image source: elsee28

#15

Image source: TheWayoftheFuture, S L / unsplash (not the actual photo)

A friend’s mom went to a new OB/GYN. Before the visit, she sprayed something *down there* to make sure the doctor would be greeted with a pleasant aroma. Unknowingly, what she sprayed had glitter in it. So she was all glittered up and had no idea. The doctor, who was male, upon seeing the sight said “fancy!” and proceeded with the exam. Apparently, hearing a doctor exclaim “fancy!” makes this kind of thing awkward for the patient. It wasn’t until later that she discovered that the doctor was reacting to the glitter. She was, of course, mortified.

#16

Image source: annana

I have a very bad sense of direction. At the hospital I went to the bathroom to give a urine sample, and quickly realised I couldn’t remember how to get back to my doctor’s room. I don’t know how many waiting rooms and crowded corridors i wandered through, holding a cardboard cup of my own pee.

#17

Image source: beaverscleaver, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)

My doctor tapped my knee to check reflexes & I kicked her in the cooter.

#18

Not exactly embarassing but definitely a WTF moment:

I wear small over-the-ear hearing aids in both ears, and had to go in for new fittings in a city well over 3 hours away from me because the left one would consistently hurt when I placed it in. I get the new fittings, no problems here, and go on about my way.

3 months later, I’m going to my primary care for a physical before beginning a new SCUBA diving class, and he asks if I’ve ever had tubes in my ears. I told him I used to, but I was very young, and he’s determined to figure out what this little rubber thing is in my ear. Cue grabbing mosquito forceps, fishing for 5 minutes, and pulling out one of the fittings!

I never knew I had a 2nd one in there, I just kept using my hearing aids normally, and noticed a whole new level of clarity after he got that out.

Image source: MusicLikesMe

#19

I made the mistake of moving over the holidays last year. I was emptying out my bedside dresser of clothes and whatnot…my top drawer had two large open boxes of condoms inside. I stuffed ribbons of protection into my pockets and left. Lo~~w~~ and behold, I’m in a major car accident on my way to the new house.

One short ambulance ride later, I’m in a private ER room with just a nurse, my girlfriend, and myself. My girlfriend had to remove my pants, and first, remove everything from them.

So there she is…glaring at me…as she pulls 30+ condoms from my pocket in front of the nurse. I swear, it looked like a magic trick…they just **wouldn’t stop coming**.

TL;DR – Remove condoms from pockets before car accidents.

Image source: superjew619

#20

Image source: Dentzu, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)

I gave myself a concussion skiing the park at Cadrona, in New Zealand; I caught an edge speed-checking a jump, not my finest moment. It was a pretty serious concussion and I was knocked out for a couple of minutes, coming to once patrol arrived to speak the wonderful phrase, “My neck hurts”. I slipped back in to unconciousness while they threw a collar on me and got me on the backboard, took me down to the patrol clinic and waited for an ambulance.

Now, concussions very often give you nausea. I had nausea. I remember vomiting in the clinic several times while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. Cadrona is also about an hour away from Queenstown, where we were staying. The nearest hospital was in exactly the wrong direction (Wanaka) of Queenstown and only a little closer, so they sent me to Queenstown. An hour+ of riding down sketchy New Zealand mountain roads led me to being wheeled in to the Emergency entrance at the hospital in Queenstown.

As I was being wheeled in, the attending physician greeted me and asked me how I was feeling. Upon being wheeled in, my brain took note of a few things: that the hospital was not busy at all, the floors had just been cleaned and this doctor had just donned a freshly ironed white coat. Everything looked recently cleaned and spit-shined.

He asks me how I’m doing, and when he reaches my gurney, my only response is to lean over towards him (still in a collar, not on a backboard or tied down) and projectile vomit the most vomit I have ever projectiled upon this mans poor chest and lap area. I then promptly slipped back in to unconsciousness.

#21

Image source: betti_cola, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)

I had a pizza delivery guy walk in on me while I was getting a pelvic exam at the OB/GYN. My feet were up in the stirrups, my doctor’s hand was in my [private parts]..yeah, the whole bit. Apparently the nurses had ordered a pizza and directed the guy to bring it to the break room, but he opened the wrong door. You’d think at an OB/GYN you’d at least knock before entering any closed rooms, right? Yeah, no. He couldn’t have seen anything, though, and I’m pretty sure he was more embarrassed than I was.

#22

Image source: themodernvictorian, Nataliya Melnychuk / unsplash (not the actual photo)

I attempted chemical hair removal for the first time the day before my appointment with the gynecologist. Her response: “And *that* is chemical burn.”

#23

Image source: notslackingatworkno, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Had (well, have) a pilonidal cyst that I needed to go get lanced and drained since I wasn’t able to sit or wear pants due to the cyst being sensitive. Got to the doctor and he was amazed at how large the cyst had gotten, and wanted to bring in the nurses/students/interested parties to show them a “prime example of this cyst”.

Flash forward two minutes and I’ve assumed the position over an examining table with my pants at my ankles and 7-10 people gasping and speaking in hushed voices about a egg-sized cyst right above my [butt].

I just found it amusing, luckily, otherwise it probably would’ve been mortifying.

#24

Image source: anon, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)

I had gallstones, and needed to get my gallbladder out. As I’m miserably and loudly puking in the ER, I look up to see an entire Asian family STARING at me in horror. The friend who took me still can’t eat broccoli.

#25

When I was about 7 years old, I had to go to the doctor for a severe case of poison ivy. I’d gone camping and one thing led to another and I somehow got it on my downstairs mix-up. So over the next couple days I’m obviously itching like hell, so I scratch frequently until everything down there resembles a Somalian gigolo, in size and color. My mom ends up taking me to my (very attractive) female doc and at first glance, she immediately leaves the room and returns with a number of med students. As she’s gingerly displaying my member in front of a gaggle of med students like she’s presenting a participation award in a bratwurst festival, this feeling of overwhelming guilt hits me and I start crying; standing up, pants at ankles, junk in doctor’s hand, crying. This is the story of my 7th birthday.

Image source: mphelp11

#26

Image source: Whore_Bag, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Went to the gynecologist for a stinky smell and they found a tampon up there from the previous month. I had allowed a medical student to observe. Pretty mortifying.

#27

I get really nervous during a pelvic exam, (I’m female).

At one time, I had this lovely doctor that told me that if I wanted to get my mind off of it to concentrate on wiggling my toes and it would help me not think about it. This totally works by the way!

So years later I have to find a new doctor. I’m on the table with my new doctor when I hear this coughing , “ehem”. Then I hear my doctor ask in a very uncomfortable voice, “Are you liking this or something?”

I look down in confused and then realize that I’m wiggling my toes just like I normally do, but that without this being my old doctor that this behaviour might seem strange. I quickly turn bright red and stammer out and explaination about why I’m doing it and how my previous doctor recommended I do it to distract myself.

The doctor just looked at me like I was a weirdo and then treated me coldly and like I was being a freak the rest of the appointment.

Needless to say I was really embarrassed and never went back.

Since then I’ve always made sure to pre-explain the whole toe wiggle thing to any new doctors I’ve had to go to keep any uncomfortable conversation from happening again. Luckily, no other doctor has acted weird about it and a few have even said that it was a good idea they’d share with other nervous patients.

Image source: Anniebanannimock2

#28

This happened to my roommate during his Freshman year at college. He had recently hooked up with this attractive but promiscuous member of the women’s swim team. A few days later he started to notice these little red bumps growing on his [private parts] so he decided to have it checked out by Student Health Services.

He got in there and the nurse told him to pull down his boxers and she immediately started to laugh. “Was this your first time shaving?”

TLDR; Roommate mistook razor burn for the herp.

Image source: rabaltera

#29

SO when I was giving birth I felt like I had to pee constantly. Everyone brushed me off with “That’s from the contractions.” Not even thinking about the fact that since I was only allowed ice chips and water, I was drinking and chewing on ice constantly for over 12 hours by the time I was ready to start pushing. Put my legs in the stirrups, took a deep breath, pushed. It looked like a wave hit my nurse. She was soaked, her hair was wet. My pee was dripping off her chin. There was dead silence for a minute. My mom went “Well I guess she actually had to pee!” I got a different nurse, She hooked me up with a catheter and I almost filled the little kidney shaped dish. Until the baby finally shot out, she asked me every 10 minutes if I needed to pee again.
TLDR kept saying I needed to pee, started to push, soaked my nurse with a golden tsunami.

Image source: kirastorm

#30

Image source: derrrrrrrrr, Anna Keibalo / unsplash (not the actual photo)

I was at the doctor’s office for a physical before my freshman year of college. The doctor was this assertive and intimidating female, and it came time for the hernia check. Now, for my whole life this procedure involved the doctor cupping a testicle and asking me to cough. However, I guess they only need to feel just above the genitals (where my ovaries would be if I was female) these days, but I was not aware.

So I am sitting on the exam table, and the doctor asked me to unbutton my pants for the hernia exam (I was ignorant that they didn’t need to come down). Then she turned away to go get a glove. At this point, I pulled my pants down to my knees. She walks over with a perfect poker face and calmly places her hand on my lower stomach and asks me to cough. She checked both sides twice, the entire time with my genitals needlessly exposed.