People Can’t Get Enough Of These Hilariously Accurate Horoscope Predictions From 1979

Published 4 years ago

Even if you don’t really believe in horoscopes, there are times when curiosity manages to get the best of you. You flip through the pages of the TV guide, find your zodiac sign in the horoscope section and what do you know – Mercury’s in retrograde again and that perfectly explains why lately everything you pick up has been falling apart. Or maybe you’re just clumsy, who knows. Well, coincidence or not, sometimes horoscopes can be quite accurate – and someone on Twitter recently shared a horoscope from 1979 that’s still as hilariously accurate as it was 41 years ago.

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This Twitter user recently shared a hilariously accurate horoscope from 1979

Image credits: friends3000

This hilarious and slightly NSFW horoscope was shared by Twitter user wendy, aka friends3000, and got over 547k likes and almost 11k comments in just a few days. Check it out below!

Image credits: friends3000

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you’re stupid. Everyone thinks you’re a [effing] jerk.

Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

You have a vivid imagination and often think you are followed by the FBI or CIA. You have no influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence an are generally a dips**t.

Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

You are the pioneer type and think that most people are d**kheads. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick.

Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20)

You are practical and persistent. You have dogged determination to work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. Your nothing but a dam communist.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bi-sexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard/b**ch.

Cancer (June 2 – July 22)

You are sympathetic and understanding of people’s problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won’t be worth a [damn]. Everybody in prison is a cancer.

Leo (July 23 – Aug 22)

You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most leos are bullies. You are vain and can’t tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving and mother f**kers and spend most of their time kissing mirrors.

Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22)

You are the logical type and hate discord. This [crap]-picking is sickening to your friends. You’re unemotional and often fall asleep while f**king. Virgos are good bus drivers and p i m p s.

Libra (Sept23 – Oct 22)

You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male, you are nil. Most Libra women are wh**es. All Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Now 21)

The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and can’t be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-b**ch. Most Scorpios are murderers.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. Nixon is a Sagittarian. You are not worth the time of day.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken[crap]. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.

Aušrys Uptas

One day, this guy just kind of figured - "I spend most of my time on the internet anyway, why not turn it into a profession?" - and he did! Now he not only gets to browse the latest cat videos and fresh memes every day but also shares them with people all over the world, making sure they stay up to date with everything that's trending on the web. Some things that always pique his interest are old technologies, literature and all sorts of odd vintage goodness. So if you find something that's too bizarre not to share, make sure to hit him up!

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1979, funny, funny horoscopes, Horoscopes
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