25 People Whose Great Lies Led To An Insane Charade To Keep Up The Lie
If you say you never lie, that in itself is a lie. It’s next to impossible to go through life without a small lie here or there. Whether it’s a white lie or a great big lie, the charade that some people have to put on to keep up with a tall-tale can be extremely entertaining when you’re in on the story.
Members of the Reddit community shared their most amusing or shocking stories of having to uphold a lie and the great lengths they had to go through to keep up the farce. A great reminder to us all, that lies are generally not worth it but without much ado, let’s dive in to some tall-tales and see where the lies heretofore told take us.
More info: Reddit
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My entire family thinks I met my husband online on discord. I actually met him during a threesome.
Image source: MikeSizemore, Adam Bartoszewicz
My partner and I pretended to be vegetarian for 10 years to avoid her aunt’s awful cooking. By the end we were actually vegetarian.
When I was eight, I was a chatterbox and one day, I ended up getting detention because I wouldn’t stop talking or whatever so I get this “detention notice” slip that must be signed by a parent or guardian and returned the next day.
My little Machiavellian mind quickly made up a scheme. I went home and I told my parents that I wanted to make my own signature, so I asked to see how my parents did theirs. I practiced my mother’s signature until I was comfortable and then I forged the slip. My teacher didn’t catch the forgery, and I got away with it lol.
I’m still super proud of that little psycho ?
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Met my wife on one of those telephone chat dating things in the 90’s. Basically, before OKCupid, you would sign up for a voicemail and describe yourself. We connected and went out but were both embarrassed for using it. Fast forward 18 years, we continue to tell everyone we met in the music section at Borders.
Image source: Ardet_Nec_Consumitur, Greta Hoffman
When I was a kid, I came home from school. But mom wasn’t home yet and the backdoor was locked and I didn’t have a key. I got a little mad and kicked the door. Of course that piece of s**t broke down. I freaked out: if mom sees this, she’s gonna [take me out]. But then I came up with a plan.
We lived next to a forest so I go into forest look for the biggest, heaviest branch I could find. I pulled that f****r out of woods and I gently put into the the gaping hole in the door. Looked totally legit.
Then mom came home. She took one look at it and slapped me in the face.
Image source: eric02138, Danie Franco
TL;DR: My grandma stubbornly lied about her age for over 70 years.
My grandmother was always incredibly vague about when she was born, how old she was when she came to the USA, how old she was when she was married, etc. Even her birthday was vague: In the old country (Eastern Europe) birthdays weren’t such a big deal, so her parents chose an approximate birthday for her visa. (NB: Her parents chose Jan 15, which later became MLK day. She was pretty racist, so we’d always mess with her on her birthday by wishing her a happy MLK day.)
Anyway, on one of her birthdays she said to my mom “You know, you don’t think of yourself as old, and then you get to be my age, and you have to admit it – you’re old!”
My mom thought this was a strange thing to say for someone she thought was turning 77.
“Mom, how old *are* you?”
“How old do you *think* I am?”
“Now I think you’re 80.”
My grandmother did not confirm or deny my mother’s guess.
Years later, when my grandfather died, we cleaned out his desk and found her old passport. Indeed, we found out that she came to this country in 1921 and lied about her age ever since.
In fact, she kept it up with everyone outside the family. She moved to an assisted living facility closer to my immediate family when she was in her mid-90s and never told anyone at the facility her age. Every month the kitchen would bring out a cake for people with a birthday that month – the oldest person with a birthday that month got to blow out the candles. They would ask “Who has a birthday this month?” A lot of hands would go up.
“Who has a birthday this month and is over 80?” A couple of hands would go down.
“Over 85?” A few more hands would go down.
“Over 90?” A bunch more hands lost.
Et cetera. My grandma? She never raised her hand.
We blew her cover with a 100th birthday party. Even her hairdresser had no idea.
She died at 103, outliving her cardiologist (who was 40+ years her junior) by six years.
She also lied about making gefilte fish. Then one day my mom found a jar of store-bought gefilte fish hidden in the laundry room behind boxes of detergent. When my mom brought up the jar and silently pointed to it, grandma exclaimed, “You never noticed!”
One time in high school soon after I got my license but didn’t have a car yet my mom let me take her mini van for a night to a friend’s house. I told my mom it was a regular sleepover but it was actually a house party I was going to. On my way of pulling out of my own driveway I hit the garbage can with my mom’s sideview mirror and it shattered into pieces and fell clean off. I didn’t want to go back inside and risk her being upset and telling me I couldn’t go to the party so I just picked up the pieces off the driveway, threw them in the front seat, and took off to the party. I had a good night of fun and woke up so hungover I had forgotten that I even crashed the car beforehand. When I walked outside to the van I broke down in hungover tears of shame and anxiety. I hopped in the car and parked in a Barnes and noble parking lot and just cried and tried to think of a game plan.
I must have still been a little buzzed cause going home without a bogus story was overwhelmingly out of my scope of reasoning. I noticed a plow truck drive by in the snow and BINGO. With real tears and panic in my voice I called my mom from the parking lot and told her that as I was inside Barnes and Noble that morning (I never even went inside) a plow truck must have hit her sideview mirror with it’s plow and I didn’t know what to do, sob sob, cry cry whatever. My mom told me to pick up the pieces and come home.
I came home a hot mess, smelling of alcohol, headache, red eyes from no sleep and dirty with the stench of lies. My mom played like she felt bad for me and said “hop back in the car, we will go to the police station and report the accident. They probably had camera that caught the whole thing.” I felt like I was going to throw up as I stared the officer in the eyes and told him (half drunk still) this bogus, over the top, story I made up. He told me how making up lies like this could get me in trouble and said he would call back when the camera footage came back.
I didn’t sleep for like a week. I was terrified. Nothing ever happened from the ordeal and life went on and the car got fixed. Yearssss later I told my mom the truth and she laughed and said she saw the whole thing happen in live time and told the police officer ahead of time what was going on. She told him to play along and scare me…
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None of my family knows how I met my wife. They think I met her in California through a friend out there when I was in the military. We actually met on Tumblr.
We’ve been married almost 10 years.
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I once sprayed the whole 3 acre yard, house, garage, porch, etc… down with a hose on a july afternoon so my dad would think it rained and i wouldnt get in trouble for not mowing the lawn.
I had a chance to meet my favorite band at the time (white chapel), but had to work, so I called and said I got into a car crash 2 cities over (the city where the band was). My boss said to send him a pic of the car before I could come back to work. So me and a friend went and crashed it into a derelict telephone pole at about 20 mph after jumping a ditch. It was an old Honda prelude and it just f*****g crumpled. Sent a pic to my boss and he said “are you okay that looks horrible!”. The engine wasn’t damaged and it still ran fine. Met the band, and drove the car to work the next day. My boss told me to go home and recover. He paid me for both days and I played call of duty mw2 (the original) all day.
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Not me, but my sister. Two particular accounts come to mind:
* In 2008, my sister and her then-husband announced they were pregnant. We were happy for her, but as the months went along, things stopped adding up. She was gaining weight, but there was literally no baby bump of any kind. To be fair, she was and still is a bigger woman, so we gave her the benefit of the doubt.
Then, she’d say she had an ultrasound or some other pregnancy-based appointment. Thing is, whenever I or anyone else would ask to see the ultrasound pictures, she always had some sort of excuse. Either, “the doctors wouldn’t let me have them,” “I spilled water on them and have to get new copies,” etc. Around the time she *should* have delivered the baby, there was still no baby bump of any kind.
Long story short, she eventually admitted she and her husband made up the entire pregnancy and she wasn’t pregnant. She was in a bad place mentally and faked the pregnancy for sympathy, attention, etc. It was at that moment that I stopped believing anything she said unless there was some sort of verifiable proof, which leads me to…
* 2009, when she again began gaining weight. This time around, she even began to develop a baby bump. However, she and her husband swore there was no pregnancy. Despite the growing bump, there were no check-ups, ultrasounds or anything of the nature scheduled.
So imagine my surprise when in March, I get a phone call from my dad saying she had given birth to a son. I was flabbergasted because once more she lied through her teeth for nine months but this time around it was a total 180 in nature.
Unfortunately, her son was born with autism and to this day, I sometimes wonder if this is because she didn’t go to any sort of OBGYN check-ins. On the other hand, I feel she did take every precaution this time around and was just given a bad hand.
To add insult to injury, she actually appeared on an episode of TLC’s *I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant.* When she told me the producers accepted her story, she asked if I’d be willing to be on camera for interview soundbites. I flat-out refused and told her to not involve me in any of it, because I am fairly certain she indeed knew she was pregnant.
It goes without saying that my sister and I no longer have the best of relationships.
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I called out of work with the excuse that my truck had died when I was on my way to work. My manager at the time said he would give me a paid day off if I brought him a receipt for the tow truck the next day. I said ok, hung up the phone and began to panic because my truck was sitting at home in perfect working order. I went to office max, bought a pack of those contractor work order pads along with some receipt paper. Went home and researched average tow rates, if it’s taxed, etc. Forged a tow truck work order, went online and found some fake receipt website where you just fill in the info and it makes a receipt you can print, printed a fake receipt with a made up to company’s name, and my friends name and phone number on it. Made sure the time on the receipt matched up with when I called out, made the handwriting look almost illegible on the work order, and gave my friend a heads up that someone from my employer might be calling him to verify the tow, just incase. Took the customer copy of the fake tow work order, stapled the receipt to the top right corner of the paper, and folder it up to look as legitimate as humanly possible. Took a different car to work the next morning to make it seem more legitimate. Set it on my managers desk the next morning, and mentioned that I left the tow receipt on his desk when I saw him. Never heard anything about it and received the paid day off. Ended up selling the truck shortly after and mentioned that I had “sold that piece of s**t” to my manager to cover my tracks even more.
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In school i accidentally left a notebook in a class. It was a new notebook and during that class I’d only written one page… a rather embarrassing page. Well i realized later I’d forgotten it and someone was going to find it and open it to see whose it was and be met with no name, just a page of writing so bizarre that they’re surely going to want to find who wrote it. So i started faking an entire new notebook of notes and assignments using a whole made up handwriting style. Eventually the principle called me into her office and asked me if that notebook was mine. I told her it was not and that doesnt look like my writing and i showed her my other notebook for comparison.
It was an unspoken lie. My dad was visiting me (I live on the lower level of my parent’s house lol) and one of my bullet vibrators was just… *there on my couch*. I saw it while talking to him and double taked, unsure if he saw it. I guessed from a slight shift in energy that he did, but it was lipstick shaped, so I started spontaneously packing up my items for a trip I actually had to pack for, throwing the vibrator in my makeup case and mentioning that I left my makeup everywhere.
I don’t think he believed me for a moment. But I hope he appreciated my half asked attempt to bring him peace of mind.
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I was seeing a guy that my friends didn’t want me to be seeing. I went to his house and parked in his driveway but when we took his car to go get dinner he backed right into my car and smashed the headlight and left a nice dent. My friend who didn’t want me to see this guy works on cars so I gathered up all the broken bits of my headlight, towed my car to my work, scattered the broken bits to recreate the illusion that someone had backed into my car at work. I then called my friend and he came with his tow truck and got my car. To this day he has no idea what really happened to my car.
I didn’t want to come to work one day, so I called and said someone stole my car so I couldn’t make it. Then for the next two weeks I had to take the bus and walk 3 miles from the bus stop to my job, and after those two weeks I had my drivers’ side window rolled down and taped clear plastic over the window to appear that someone had broken into it, so I could further show that the car had been stolen.
In retrospect it probably wasn’t worth all the trouble.
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I was 16 or 17 at the time. Didn’t want to go into work (I was a cashier at a grocery store). Called there before my shift and said “sorry I can’t come into work. I was out drinking in the woods last night and when the cops showed up we ran. I tripped and broke both of my arms.”
Boss says ok fine whatever. A few hours later an executive from work calls me and says I can miss work but I need to come down and show them my arms (obviously not believing me).
Well, my mom was at work as a nurse in the ER. I called her and asked if she could get me some casts. She obliges and my buddy and I drive over to the hospital to pick them up.
Head back to the house and begin forming the casts around both wrists/forearms. Let them harden and then grab some markers and have my siblings write things like get well soon on the casts. Head down to the grocery store to show my broken arms to the bosses and they had no reason to doubt at that time.
Went home, cut the casts off and didn’t go back to work for a few weeks. I don’t even remember why I didn’t want to go into work but it was probably just so I could stay home playing Xbox 360 with my friend
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I used to sit in my car for hours a day to act like I went out. I was too scared of my parents to tell them I dropped out of college. I eventually got a job and used that as a cover until I had enough to move out.
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So it was sophomore year of high school, I took 1 class of basic 3D modeling as an elective. Keep in mind BASIC my models were bad but what are going to expect from a 16 y/o. A little later I was playing on a Minecraft pixelmon server (Pokémon in Minecraft) where I made friends with the owner and became a moderator. The owner of the server was also on the development team of the mod and he asked in the discord if anyone has any 3D modeling experience, I said I did (not a lie), he asked me if I could fix a current model he had that was giving him issues so I said sure (again basic, me moving the model was a miracle) but I looked up a bunch of tutorials and forcibly taught my self how to model. Over the course of the next year and a half I kept teaching my self and learning and I’d say I got pretty good at 3D modeling, and for a brief stint (before I left the project) I became the head 3D artist of the whole project and made decent money)
Mage (sever owner and dev of the mod) if you are seeing this, sorry for the lie, and thanks for the opportunity’s
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My brother got away with one for 15 years because he doesn’t like cats.
Ex-SIL: “I’ve always loved cats but he’s allergic”
Mom: “no he’s not”
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I had surgery for something that wasn’t even an issue.
When I was in middle school I enjoyed faking being sick so I was able to skip school, especially if that meant my parents were at work and I was all alone. I was able to make hot chocolate and play video games all day. It was a great time.
At the time I didn’t think much about the excuses I used, so most of the time it was just “sore throat”.
After having used that excuse several times over the period of a year my parents finally took me to the doctor to have my throat looked at. They did find one of my tonsils was noticeably larger than the other one and figured this could have been the cause of my issues. So they suggested surgically removing it. I was around 10 years old so I didn’t realize what surgery really was so I didn’t come clean.
A few weeks later I was on the surgical table.
To this day I haven’t told my parents about it. I’m 26.
On the positive side I was ordered to stay home from school for 14 days after the surgery and the doctor told me to eat lots of ice cream. So it was a win for me, I guess.
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I’ve spent more than eight years in the same residence.
My neighbours are quite welcoming. Every time they see me go outside, they say hello, especially the wife. Every time, she’ll wave, say, “Hi, Rebecca!” and flash a wide smile.
Rebecca is not my name. At this time, it would be too awkward to fix. I simply had to take responsibility for it.
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Not me but when I started as a newspaper journalist 20 years ago our leader writer was a man called Edward.
I only found out when he retired after 45 years with the paper that his name wasn’t Edward at all. When he started aged 16 one of the paper’s owners showed him round and had misheard his name.
He was too nervous to correct the owner so he went by the wrong name for nearly 50 years. His real name is Dudley.
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I once worked in a smallish and pretty casual office. There was a park nearby where I’d go for a walk at lunch and sometimes I’d sit in the grass and do a few stretches before heading back. Well one day I guess a decent amount of leaves had gotten stuck to my long sweater, I went to the bathroom when I got back and a handful fell on the stall floor without my awareness. Not too long after, someone comes out wondering who would put a pile of leaves in the bathroom and why. It blew up very quickly and spread around the office. I knew it had to be me. Being the “outdoorsy person” I was questioned a few times. At the time I was very shy with a back corner desk where I’d pop in headphones and do my editing work, I definitely did not want attention so I denied it and acted clueless when asked, thinking it’d end with the day. It did not. The next day, my manager was greeted by a small pile of leaves on their desk in the morning. It became a war, it went on for weeks. I was too deep to admit the truth now. Leaves on desks, leaves dropped on heads, leaves stuck to the backs of shirts. It finally culminated on Halloween when TWO women from different departments came in dressed as piles of leaves. I never said a word!
My mom is white and blonde, my stepdad is italian and I’m black and look exactly like my father. Walking around with them in public attracted a look of confused looks, one time I caught a dude looking and told him I was adopted from Africa. Some of my friends heard it and they all believed me instantly. I managed to keep that lie for 2 weeks, in the process I had to keep learning and making comments about Africa during conversations to appear sincere.
Got wisdom to pour?