20 Men Reveal The Moronic Stunts They Pulled On A First Date That Their Future Wives Could Have Left Them For

Love is a funny thing and we seem to be absolutely obsessed with it. While we aren’t inundated with rom-com movies like 10 years back we still love to love. Moreover, we love to hear or read epic love stories. 

#1

Image source: Tuxedobacon325, Dan Lurie

Flicked a dime at her head. We were playing table football. Not sure what I was thinking. She has a scar. I kiss it every night before we go to bed. We are married and have three kids.

Edit: Thanks for the silver and all the upvotes! First time!

#2

Image source: juicemari, Orseh

My husband broke my thumb one night when we were slightly tipsy. Horse play got too rough and I think (drunk memory) he slammed my hand against something. we both heard the pop and I went to tears.

#3

Image source: stumpytoes, Pixabay

Accidentally set her hair on fire with a match while lighting a cigarette. Not good. We are still married 29 years later. I dont smoke anymore.

#4

Image source: literalfeces, RODNAE Productions

I once spear-tackled my then-girlfriend out of misplaced enthusiasm in high school. I was excited to see her and handled it as badly as was possible. It was in front of a bunch of our friends and I ended up knocking the wind out of her and making her cry. That was about 17 years ago, and we’re still together.

I also licked my plate at a fancy restaurant because the salad dressing was so good. She still brings that one up every few years.

Edit: My most-upvoted comment ever is me recounting my most shameful relationship fails. The internet is weird. Plate-lickers unite!

#5

Image source: jediwafflez, delta_avi_delta

I was sitting on the couch as we were playing Wii bowling. She was standing behind the couch, lovingly holding me. I draw back the Wii mote and WHAM! I wack her in the face with the Wii mote at full strength. Her mom was also in the room.

#6

Image source: mollyjean-, Klaus Nielsen

Not my story, but my parents:
Some backstory – My dad has a brother who’s only a couple years older. Growing up, they’d commonly try to steal food off each other’s plates just to be a******s to each other. This was remedied by plate guarding and defensive maneuvers with utensils if hands got too close.

On my parent’s first date, my mom reached for something to try off my dad’s plate and he instinctively stabbed her hand with his fork – drew blood and everything. He was obviously mortified
Glad my mom was crazy enough to keep dating, marry, and procreate with the fork stabber.

#7

Image source: anon, Lisa Fotios

She was about to sneeze and she was sitting half on my lap so I kinda thought she was gonna sneeze on me and idk what I was thinking but I put my hand up to block her sneeze except I had a glass in my hand and I blocked her own hand from covering her sneeze and instead she slammed her face into my glass.

Married 6 years now. She still has all her teeth.

#8

We was sitting at movie theater when movie got over she said wanna mess around said sure was winter took her to old parking lot and proceeded to do donuts with car. She was pure white as a ghost and her eyes almost poped out of her head. She then screams you f*****g idiot I meant fool around sexually lol. Will be married 18 years in few months. Now she specifically spells out when she want to fool around and not car wise.

Image source: Coiledviper

#9

I got fairly intoxicated and decided to tie a towel around my shoulders while completely naked and run in front of her on FaceTime screaming look at my dangle.

Edit: she has informed me I am mistaken. I was wearing a shirt but no pants or underwear and it was a blanket, not a towel.

Image source: fireinvestigator113

#10

Image source: kohdgen, Jay Tamboli

On our second date, I arrived 1h late. When I went to greet her with a little hug (yep, that’s how we greet people around here) I accidentally knocked her phone off her hand. It hit the ground and cracked the screen, but I wasn’t sure if it was already cracked. I apologized, she said it was ok and that the screen was already like that before.

Almost a year later she confessed that I actually broke her phone that day. She had just gotten it from her mom (all phones she ever had were second hand, very simple ones) and she couldn’t afford a new one at the time, but still she lied and kept using the broken phone so I wouldn’t feel bad. My heart sank.

We’ve been married for two years now and I’ve given her a brand new flagship phone every year ever since.

#11

Not me, but my first door neighbors story. I didn’t know their story untill one day another friend told me what happened, and she confirmed it.

She was at a party, and caught him looking at her every now and then, she kinda liked him so she decided to make the first move. She took a few shots for courage and went in. As time passed by she continued to drink while talking to him, and got pissed drunk, like not being able to walk drunk. He was a type of guy that didnt drink that much at all, and presumed she can drink a lot, but when she stood up from couch after few hours the alcohol swept her to the ground. So as a gentleman he offered to carry her home. Note that was when we were late teens, no car, no money. So he started pigy back her home, that was like 30-45mins walk, like normal sober walk. He managed to carry her on his back about 500meters from her home, and stoped to take a brake for a moment, his back hurt him AF, so he decided to carry her in his arms. A few steps away, and he notices very unpleasant smell, since he isnt from our “parts” and it was rural area, he asked barely conscious her what is that f*****g stink.

She just mumbeled, I shat my pants, than proceeded to pass out in his arms. Only coming back to mumble, f**k sorry, and passing out again. So what guy does? He brings her home and lies her on floor, since he was afraid of messing up her bed or couch, and left home. BUT, few moments after he comes ,back, wakes her up and asks would she mind if he helped her shower, since she cant sleep 8h al shat up, mostly because its not hygenc, safe, and her whole house and everything would smell, she agreed, and after he bathe her she asked him to sleep in her bed, in case she needed him.

So one time I asked guy how the f**k did he got over that, he said they clicked at the first glance, and he just felt that he needs to take care of her because he took responsibility to bring her home all allright. And if she said no to bathing he would back off, but then wouldnt be with her, cuz s******g yourself while dead drunk is still understandable, but sleeping whole day like that would be too nasty. He laid besides her untill she fell asleep, and then watched TV untill she woke up.

They were inseparable since then. Since that first “date” I have never seen them apart. It’s been almost 15yrs since then, and just recently they got beautifull little daughter.

Image source: Robin00d

 

#12

Image source: ItsProbablyAVulture, Pavel Danilyuk

It wasn’t until after we were married that my wife told me that I almost didn’t get a second date because I talked waaaaaaaaaaaay too much during the movie. I don’t really remember it but apparently I was leaning over every 30 seconds or so to tell her what I was thinking. Also, “Valkyrie”, with Tom Cruise probably wasn’t that great of a date movie, but it all worked out in the end.

ETA: Please forgive me my movie-talking sins, everybody. I was a dumb teenager and she’s really pretty. I was just quite anxious for things to go well.

#13

Wife was a devout animal lover and activist. Planned proposal at a fancy Tokyo restaurant that only takes 3 tables a night and has 11 courses, which was filled with all sorts of innovative things so you’re never quite sure what’s coming next.

In between one of the courses the chef brings out a cute little glass bowl for us to play with some squid. The chef informs us these are firefly squid that’s local to the bay. My wife is delighted and practically named them.

Two courses later they reappeared… as entrees, floating on a glass plate lit up from below and arranged to look like they’re swimming.

She still said yes but have never let me forgot that I took her on literally the worst dining experience she had, and I had paid the most ever for.

Image source: wooshoofoo

#14

Image source: Feracron, Pavel Danilyuk

Little late to the party but here’s my story: when we had only been dating a month or so my then boyfriend went to pick me up (I assume) and accidentally threw my head through the ceiling and gave me a concussion. He’s 6’8″ and just really misjudged the distance. I also had a hard time getting used to his height and very regularly kneed him in the balls for about two years while cuddling so I think we’re even. We’ve been together six years now and proud to say we haven’t injured each other in about four.

#15

Transitioning from that uncomfortable to the comfortable phase. I was sitting across the room while she did homework. I farted pretty loudly and she looked me in the eyes and fired back. Luckily I had another in the chamber and asserted my dominance, to my surprise which she matched for a second time, but even louder. Having this all happen in a span of ~2 seconds and thinking it was pretty funny, I tried to top her by forcing one more out to reign supreme. Well…. let’s just say it wasn’t a fart I forced out…. one of her favorite stories to tell close friends and family. We’ve been married for going on 4 years though, so l guess it all worked out for me.

TLDR: s**t yourself in front of potential mates if you wanna get married

Image source: HookorSlice

#16

Image source: anon, Kampus Production

I know what my husband would say, because I still tease him to this day.

We had been dating for two weeks and were spooning on his futon, watching a movie. Out of nowhere he says, “I’m really sorry, I can’t hold it in anymore.” And rips a HUGE fart.

My husband was a very clean, tight knit, prudish kind of guy, so I couldn’t help but let out the biggest laugh while he turned about as red as his beard.

#17

Image source: Mister_Brevity, Daniel Moises Magulado

When I kneeled to propose I landed on a sharp rock and we had to go to the ER because it lodged in my kneecap.

Edit:

Wow. Did not expect this to get so many upvotes!

My wife demands I make a minor correction to adequately embarrass myself… She said that I can’t tell the story and leave out her absolute favorite detail: because of the kneecap situation, I forgot to actually ask. She thought I got nervous and froze up and decided to save me by just saying yes. She also stopped me from pulling the rock out of my kneecap with my trusty leatherman which turned out to be the correct decision. She was a little bummed that I wasn’t simply choked with emotion, but the situation as a whole is (now) a very fond memory.

Sidenote: driving a manual transmission with a rock sticking out of ones kneecap is not super fun.

#18

Image source: CaughtAllTheBreaks, KEHN HERMANO

Insisted that everything in San Francisco was walking distance from everything else, and decided we should walk from Pier 39 to Golden Gate Park. It IS walkable, but not third-date walkable, or whatever-shoes-she-happened-to-be-wearing-that-day walkable.

#19

Image source: Gnartian, Anna Shvets

I made myself a burger for dinner before heading over to her place to hang out. Unfortunately I’m not the best cook and left a little too much pink in that burger. While we were at her house I bet her I could fit through the doggy door and crawled right through. Then she immediately closed it behind me and we raced to the front door, she won and she locked it. Now at this exact moment my bowels decided they had enough of that burger from earlier and I felt my stomach cramp. Luckily I held it all in and ran back to the back door with my cheeks clenched and starting knocking desperately in the door. She was laughing at first but when she saw my face go suddenly serious and I said very calmly “I need you to open the door…. Now please.” She unlocked the door and asked if I was okay, I told her to stay downstairs and turn the TV up loud. She agreed but was very confused. So I ran upstairs and then had one of the most violent s***s of my whole life. I thought the worst was behind me until I went to wipe…. And of course no TP. So she took my instructions really well and when I yelled to her, texted her, and called her I got no answer. After probably like 10 missed calls she finally answered and I asked her to bring me some TP and leave outside the door and try not to breathe on the way upstairs. She was great about it and immediately started making fun of me when I came back downstairs. Now quite a few years later a couple kids and cat, she’s still making fun of me.

#20

Image source: andrewguenther, EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA

For our second date I had invited her out with myself and some friends to celebrate a friend getting a job. I drank. Heavily. She was my DD. She drove me home and as she pulled up to the curb I threw open the door, rolled out of the car, and vomited into the gutter. She then offered to help me cross the street, to which I responded by yelling “I’M DISGUSTING” and sprinting across the street. Once inside, I brushed my teeth aggressively. She asked what I was doing and I told her I needed to clean my mouth so I could kiss her. After I was done, I walked to my room, laid down, and immediately fell asleep. She spent the night to make sure I was okay.

I’m now holding our baby girl who was born just last week. I asked her at one point why she stayed with me through that and she said it was because even though I was p**s drunk, the whole time I was still gentle and kind, asked her if she was having fun, and introduced her to everyone I knew. I’m a lucky guy.

EDIT: TIL that brushing your teeth after vomiting is bad.