20 Hilarious Moments Of People Being On ‘Brain Autopilot’
We’ve all experienced those moments when our brains seem to be on autopilot. You know, those moments when you’re so lost in thought that you do something completely ridiculous without even realizing it.
It’s weird, funny, and embarrassing, but it happens to the best of us. In fact, some of the funniest moments in life come from these brain autopilot moments. This Reddit thread contains hilarious examples of people being on ‘brain autopilot’. Check out some of them below.
More info: Reddit
“I kissed my wife’s best friend. It was totally innocent and something we laughed about.
I had to take a bus to work everyday at about 4 am. My wife usually drove me to the stop so that I didn’t have to leave my car there for 14 hours.
My wife’s friend was staying with us while she looked for a job and house in the area. She was getting up early anyways so she decided she would take me and let my wife sleep. When we got to the stop, I just instinctively leaned over and kissed her goodbye. She had a dumbfounded look on her face, and mine instantly turned red as I realized what I’d done. I just said “sorry, it was a habit.”
My wife poked fun at me for days for putting the moves on her friend.”
“As a teenager, I worked at McDonald’s. My McDonald’s was 24 hours and, during the summer, I worked the overnight shift. My sleep schedule would get all messed up.
My parents woke me up for dinner one evening. I zombie walked to the table and sat down. My dad asked me to say grace. I bow my head and say, “thank you for choosing McDonald’s, may I take your order?””
“I always take my shirt off after my shoes when I get undressed.
So there I was at around 4:30 in the morning headed through security to fly across country for a festival. I’m nowhere close to awake and I’m totally running on autopilot. I’m throwing my stuff on the conveyor, I take my shoes off, and I started to take my shirt off and the (FFS why was she attractive) TSA lady was like “Slow down sir we just met”.
I didn’t know they came with a sense of humor.”
“The pipe underneath my sink was broken so I put a bucket below it to catch the water leaking out. When it was full I poured it back in the sink…and proceeded to flood my kitchen.”
“Stopped at a stop sign and waited at least a minute and a half for it to turn green.”
“I used to work for Comcast in their call center. I worked 3PM-12AM so the only thing that was open when I would get off work was McDonalds.
During the holidays they have unlimited overtime. Me being 19 and having no obligations at the time decided to just work non-stop until I fell down at my desk. I worked 3 days straight of OT taking my mandatory breaks every couple of hours and napping in the lunch room here and there.
Finally I decided I’d had enough and started on my way home at around 2AM one morning. I stopped at the McDonalds drivethrough because I wanted something hot to eat. Up until this point I’d subsisted on mints and packs of crackers from a vending machine.
The conversation went something like this:
Drivethru lady: Go ahead and order when you’re ready
Me: Thanks for calling comcast, home of the triple play, My name is lbaile200 how can I assist you today!?
*A very long pause*
I ended up sleeping in the parking lot of that McDonalds for about 12 hours in my car. The manager eventually knocked on my window and asked me if I was homeless and if I needed to come in and warm up.”
“I tried putting the milk bottle back in the microwave then got mad when it didn’t fit. I only stopped trying cause my brother was there watching and he start laughing.”
“My wife’s friend & her husband were leaving after having dinner at our house. As they’re leaving, she says “love you” to my wife. Naturally, I respond “love you t… uuuuuh… yeah, goodnight.””
“I was looking all over for my keys and finally thought that I might have left them in the car. I went outside and my car was locked. So I pulled my keys out of my pocket, unlocked the door, opened the door and realized how much of an idiot I am.”
“Reposting my own comment from a few years ago in a similar thread, because I still think this is my best response to this question.
Came into work to work front of house after several extended nights of profound insomnia. I was holding up ok until a gal walks up with a dog in her arms. I always chat people up about their dogs because A. Dogs are awesome and B. people love to talk about their dogs, and often tip a little more when they feel like they’ve actually connected with you.
Today though… I didn’t have two neurons to rub together to break from the script of “hey what can I get you… here’s your total… do you want a receipt?” and so I lean over the counter like a drunk, lock my sleep-starved, unfocused googly eyes on this poor lady, and blurt out-
“your dog. Who is he” and then expectantly stare at her like that was a normal and not at all insane thing that I just kinda vomited at her. She kinda stared at me and clutched her dog a little closer and I think I probably went a little cross-eyed and tried to salvage the conversation by talking more. I don’t remember what I said but it was definitely not an improvement on the situation. It may not have even been a coherent sentence.”
“Undressing to shower, I threw my underwear into the toilet instead of the laundry and flushed it.”
“I drove home from Phoenix to Prescott, forgetting the fact that I had moved to Flagstaff about a month prior. Got all the way to my old driveway before realizing my error. (Both Prescott and Flagstaff are north of Phoenix, but are about 1.75 hours apart from each other).”
“Trying to unlock the front door of my house with my car remote.
Edit: Wow, platinum! Thanks so much kind stranger!”
“I used to work on a farm & we always took our boots off before entering the homestead for meal breaks. One afternoon I absent-mindedly unbuttoned my jeans and started to take them off instead of my boots. I guess my brain decided I was done for the day!”
“I was talking to my boyfriend while he was eating a sandwich.
In mid sentence, he ripped a piece off and threw it at my face. He looked stunned when I didn’t open my mouth and catch it (we have a dog)
We both nearly pee’d laughing.”
“have a good day sir.”
“Love you too.”
Awkward shuffle out of Panera.
“I was feeling an encroaching sickness coming upon me one time, so I decided to be proactive and make myself a couple of days’ worth of the most baller chicken soup I could manage in advance, so I’d be able to eat well even when I was dying of the lurgy. I chopped the carrots, I sorted the onions, I stewed the chicken bones, and I cooked that m**********r down for eight hours into the most delicious stock you could imagine.
Then I poured it all through a colander into the sink.”
“I lived in the same house for 16 years. Moved out. Years later I did some summer work as a construction worker….on MY old house! First day I walked in, mindlessly did what I ALWAYS did when I came in , waltzed Into the kitchen during the family’s breakfast, opened the fridge and peered inside for a long while looking for something to eat.
I came to myself (dude I don’t live here anymore), looked up, and the family was all staring at me from the breakfast table, forks in mid air. At this unknown construction worker making himself right at home. I was so embarrassed I backed out, stammering the whole time and trying to have them understand “I’m so sorry I used to live here”. Wasn’t allowed inside work at that job site for a while.”
“I had recently been attending a lot of martial arts classes at night. One morning at work I accidentally bowed at my boss when I entered his office. This was in the US, neither of us are of Asian descent, and yes he noticed.
It was awkward.”
“I’m an ex-bus driver and many times on my way home from work, I would go to pull into a bus stop, in my car…”