20 Women Explain Why They Want To Remain Childfree
Former radio host, Chelsea Handler has recently been plastered all over media because she heavily advocates the novelty concept of ‘childfree women’ through her standup comedy and podcasts. While this is not the first instance of women choosing to be childfree, it certainly does seem to be a trend on the rise. There was even an interesting philosophical viral video, on whether there should be childfree-neighbourhoods available in the future, posted online which created a lot of buzz.
Considering the growing global population problem, and really our own experiences with parents who chose to have children without really knowing what they were getting into, some women from the current millennial generation have decided to go in a different direction when looking to expand their families. An 18-year snotty, demanding, expensive commitment just doesn’t sound as appealing as a 10-year snuggle buddy perhaps, or a life of travel and leisure. Ultimately though, its a lifestyle choice and while everyone may not understand it or agree with it, regardless its an alternative lifestyle that’s here to stay. If you’re looking to understand why some women may feel this way, below are a few stories from women, reflecting candidly on that one defining moment that led to such a radical choice.
Realizing that having children was more of a societal pressure in order to have “a fulfilling life” but in fact the things in my life that bring me fulfillment don’t include children
There wasn’t one. That’s kind of like asking “what was the defining moment you chose not to shove a cactus up your a**e?”
I never wanted to in the first place. Not wanting to do that has always been my default position.
There is also no need to put more children into this world which is already going to hell, realistically what life will they have in the future? We’re over 8 billion people and not able to distribute resources. Seems a bit selfish to put more children into this mess.
I also like sleep, freedom and money.
I was on my second date with my partner and he said, “Before we go any further, I don’t want kids. Never have and never will.” And I was like, holy s**t… That’s an option?? It was so incredibly freeing.
We’ve been together 6 years happily childfree.
I was like 6. Playing with my barbies, and my dad made some remark about how I’ll be a good mother one day. I looked up at him and said “I don’t want kids.” then went right back to my dolls
Fast forward~17 yaers, fallopian tubes are removed and I’m involved with a volunteer team to help people worldwide find resources to get elective sterilization
When I was a kid and my mom screamed at me that I’d understand why she was so tired, stressed and miserable once I’d have my own kids.
After that? Listening moms complain all the time about their life, kids and husbands. No kid deserves that.
I felt like a burden as a child, like I was unloved and unwanted, and I decided when I was pretty young that I would never have kids because I would never want them to worry about if they were lovable enough
I’m not sure there was a defining moment. I think I just kind of had a sense from fairly early on that I wasn’t interested. And it’s strengthened as I’ve gotten older so I’m feeling at peace about it.
Not having kids is so much easier than having kids. Like I don’t have to find a partner in time, or live near good schools, or budget money for childcare. I just do whatever. Other than choosing partners and birth control, I don’t have to make any decisions around NOT having kids.
I never really liked or wanted kids but I figured I would have them eventually because that’s what you did. Then there was the year that my 5 year old cousin got a whistle in her Christmas cracker and blew it all… f*****g… night. My ovaries shriveled to raisins that night.
Literally EVERY person I know my age who has kids do nothing but complain
They look tired
They look sick
They look hungry
They say they haven’t had fun in months
Meanwhile I’m just chillin’, plus I like having money :D Kids are expensive.
One of the less complicated reasons is simply that it took me so long to feel comfortable in my body (and I still don’t most of time) I just don’t want to face that experience in my body after finally feeling better about it.
realizing that most of my family and personal health history is genetic. i have a lot line of mental health problems (substance use, anxiety, depression, ocd, ect), heart problems, diabetes, and other health issues. i would not want my child to go through the issues that i or my family has due to genetics.
additionally, around the same time i learned that i have thalassemia. thalassemia is a rare genetic blood disorder that can cause severe physical symptoms or in the event of the right combination of subtypes, certain stillbirth. while 1.5% of the population are carriers, only 0.3% of the population have symptoms. i have the type alpha intermedia, or hemoglobin H disease, meaning if i had a child with someone with the thalassemia gene, it would certainly be stillborn.
in conclusion, my genes suck, their genes would suck. that’s just unfair to them.
Probably some random day after a solid three week migraine where I thought, “This would SUCK if I had a screaming kid right now.”…also, I was afraid of passing down certain hereditary things (migraine, depression, bipolar), as well as adoption was waaaaay too $$. So that sealed the deal. Been married and childless 11 years. So glad I got that hysterectomy.
Image source: cats_and_tats84
Watching a bunch of my friends have kids and turn into zombies who complain about having no life, no sleep, and everything that their kids do in general. No one is making parenting look like any fun.
Also, I’ve never liked kids.
I get a defining moment almost every time I see parents with young children outside.
I’m outside a lot. I’m not a big drinker either. So it happens things that I do are often shared by parents with young kids.
And it never fails: every single time I see a parent trying to enjoy an outing with a child to care for, they appear to be in abject misery. I’ve seen way too many mothers and a good deal of fathers dying inside with every step of a walk they were trying desperately to enjoy, as their kicking, wriggling, howling child subjects each of their senses to torture. The worst is when it’s both parents out, but the one doing the caretaking is still all alone ( usually the mom, sorry, it’s the truth), while the other escapes into their phone a good 5-10 paces ahead.
It seems that *every little thing* becomes difficult when you have kids. Every time I see it, it cements my choice.
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Realizing that every time I imagined having a child, I instantly began also daydreaming about how I could get a break from it. Imagining who would watch it while I went out for some adult time, thinking of how I could still go on big adventurous trips away from home, wondering how I could not be tied to the school schedule.
My husband and I always talked and dreamed about having one kid, and we began trying for one right around when the pandemic started. Of course, I had zero desire to be pregnant during a pandemic so we paused for a while. Every time we talked about trying again, we always found some excuse to wait a little more. Eventually we realized we didn’t have to have a kid at all, and honestly we’re so much happier now that we’ve admitted that to ourselves!
When I heard a child wailing in public and my first thought was “Oh s**t what’s wrong now? No wait, that’s not my problem any longer” and then a huge wave of relief came over me.
For some context – I was forced to help raise 5 out of 6 siblings from when I was around 10 to 15, when I moved to my own place. I did most things parent does such as nightly feedings, diaper changes, soothe them during the night, put them to bed, brush their teeth, take them out to play/for a walk etc. This experience taught me that I never wanted children of my own as I knew how much I hated it to begin with.
Image source: DiviFail
Raising my SEVERELY autistic and mentally disordered little sister who is 14 yrs younger than me from birth to 3 years. I love her and she deserves the best, and that best was so much better than me. I lost 3 years of my childhood to her, up until I moved out at 17, and I knew I absolutely would never have a kid of my own. To be fair, I swore off having kids when I was 7 or 8, but holy s**t did raising one while her mom went and got high really cement it for me.
I honestly don’t understand why so many people want them. It’s like renouncing to your freedom, money and life for someone else; I really don’t get why people would want them at all.
So I’m 30 now and I honestly just never felt the urge? ? When my girlfriends started having babies and saying things like “oh I’ve wanted to be a mother since I was a little girl!” I never experienced that. And then my husband and I discussed it and felt yeah, we really just don’t care ? I love my friends and families children dearly but will remain intentionally child free ✌️