25 Of The Funniest Comments Anaesthetised Patients Blurted Out In Front Of Medical Staff

We’ve all seen viral clips of the hilarious things people say while under anaesthesia. But the cameras aren’t always rolling when patients start spouting unfiltered, chaotic, and funny remarks. Luckily, people’s memories are nearly as reliable.

#1

Image source: DeLaNope, Tima Miroshnichenko

Had a guy start shouting that he loved me, then became super worried and started whispering, “*But don’t tell my wife…*”

Unfortunately, she was holding his hand.

#2

Image source: anon, Caroline LM

I was getting a tooth extracted and was really nervous. The dentist said he’d turn the gas up and I’d just fall asleep, then it would be over.

I still remember asking him if he liked chicken and dumpling soup.
Him: “It’s delicious, and why do you ask?”
…
Me: “Because that is what I look like [undressed]! Pale and lumpy!”

#3

Image source: upanddown123, Anna Shvets

Im not a doctor but my sister was under and said “make this quick, I need to get back to my unicorn before the vortex closes”.

#4

Image source: Irishluck722, Anna Keibalo

While getting my wisdom teeth out – I found out I asked all 5 female dental assistants to marry me. To try and seal the deal, I did the splits in the dentist chair and told them “Flexible redheads make good [love]”.

I’m also 100% gay.

#5

Image source: acid-nz, snaploon

When I woke from having my wisdom teeth removed, I asked the nurse to take me to the beach and release me back into the ocean so I could be with my people. She kept refusing, so I started accusing her of fiddling with me whilst I was asleep.

I ended up getting moved to a different recovery area, where I was then asked to be quiet because I thought I was listening to Nicki Minaj, but infact it was just me slaughtering the lyrics to an imaginary beat.

#6

My girlfriend after wisdom teeth removal:

Do you think they call it sand because it’s between the sea and the land?

God love her, she was a riot the whole way home.

Image source: NotA_PrettyGirl

#7

After getting her wisdom teeth out, my cousin was having a difficult time waking from the anesthetics. She apparently knocked the pad of paper out of the nurse’s hand and said, ‘You need to write on a whiteboard, save the trees. SAVE THE TREES, WOMAN.”

Image source: coldsandovercoats

#8

After my endoscopy, my surgeon said I was loudly singing some song in another language and made the nurses laugh. Confused, as I only speak English, I asked what language it was. He said French….and then I remembered that in high school, I had memorized the French National Anthem for extra credit and had performed it with much aplomb in front of my history class (and apparently to the post-surgery team as well).

Image source: camchristiney

#9

Image source: meowheadz, Jonathan Borba

I had a lump removed from my [chest] a few years ago. The table they had me on was shaped like a T, so my arms were outstretched. As I was passing out, I said to the nurses, “I feel like Jesus.” They had to tell me about it when I awoke.

#10

While having dental work done under the influence of laughing gas, I (female, mid-teens at the time) tried very hard to flirt with the (also female, married) dentist. I was not in any way subtle. She was not at all amused… awkward.

Also, not anesthesia but Dilaudid: I called my husband from the ER once rambling about how totally amazing it was that we have fingers- “They’re so helpful, and they’re like, always there! They’re like little friends that you get to carry around with you everywhere.” It didn’t take him too long to figure out they had me high as a kite but he was super confused at first.

Image source: Platypus211

#11

I sang ‘you are my sunshine’ at the top of my lungs while being wheeled into the recovery room after my knee surgery. My dad, along with my (now ex) husband could hear me clear across the other end of the hallway, even through the snickers and giggles of the nurses. The surgeon still calls me sunshine when we see each other around town.

Image source: cpx284

#12

After getting hernia repair surgery I semi-consciously yelled at the nurses about my clothes:

Me: “MY PANTS. WHERE ARE THEY.”

Nurse: “Sir, they’re next to the -”

Me: “TAKE ME TO THE ROOM WHERE YOU’RE KEEPING MY PANTS.”

Nurse: “They’re right over -”

Me: “MY PANTS WOMAN. GOOD GOD.”.

Image source: justplainmark

#13

(not a medical professional) A young person in my life recently had her wisdom teeth yanked. When she came to, she accused the nurse of stealing her tongue. Her mom and the nurse just laughed.

Image source: isoprovolone

#14

While I was in the prep bay before surgery, I got a jumper shot of some kind of medical barbiturates, to ensure the anesthesia takes fully.

I was convinced that the 5 pointed star shapes on the curtains were starfish.

Not only were the starfish moving, they were dancing. Specifically, the waltz. And I told this to every single person that walked by.

“They’re not just dancing. They’re *waltzing*”.

Image source: mirrislegend

#15

Image source: SunnyLego, Mikhail Nilov

Not a dr, but a roller derby girl who witnessed teammate break their leg. When the paramedics gave her the whistle of pain relief, she went from screaming in pain to saying “I hope that cute paramedic has to cut off my pants cause he might like what he sees.” Made more hilarious by the fact she is married ect.

#16

Image source: ElectricPoncho, Alexas_Fotos

I had jaw surgery last year and started to get really scared as I sat in my hospital bed waiting to be wheeled into surgery. My mom was with me and I told her how much I wished my dog was there because snuggling her always makes me feel better. I guess having my dog on my mind turned into some weird thoughts because apparently I started crying out of the fear that they were going to give me dog teeth.

#17

After oral surgery my fiance put me in the car and took me to get a milkshake. The place next to where he decided to go was called Wings & Things. I was sobbing profusely (for some reason the anesthesia made me cry) and said “what other things do they sell there?? WHAT THINGS?!”.

Image source: aughtomaton

#18

Image source: mariamus

My boyfriend, as he was being wheeled into recovery, yelled to me “honey! You can call me Shrek from now on!”

He has no idea why he wanted me to call him Shrek.

I had to have surgery a few months later, and when I had woken up, I called my boyfriend on the hospital phone and told him he could call me Fiona from now on.

#19

Image source: mtrimmy, Ali Kazal

Coming out of it, my mom asked me if I took Tasha to school. It was 7pm and Tasha was my cat.

#20

Image source: Adrop-of-red, Image-Source

I got my wisdom teeth out too. Had an IV, for the first time, I was 16 y/o.
All I remember was feeling GREAT, I mean seriously amazing.
When I sorta came too, I remember asking how much longer til it’s over. And they said “we’re done!”

The nurse brought me out to the car with my parents, and helped me out to the car. And on the car ride home I asked “why was the nurse was so friendly?”
My parents told me that I confessed my love for short haired brunettes, and that she would be my wife because “she was perfect” and “I loved her.”

Haha…I had no game at the time.

#21

We had the same family doctor for over 45 years. He actually delivered me, some sixty-odd years ago.

When I was a middle-aged man myself, during my very last checkup before he was to retire, he invited me into his private office, where he took half an hour to reminisce and laugh with me about a bunch of family stuff. He informed me that I had actually been one of his very first solo deliveries as a young attending, and that he had been a little nervous on my mom’s behalf.

He reminded me that by all indications, I has promised to be a rather tricky delivery: I was a week overdue, I was her first pregnancy, I was a pretty large baby (9.5 lbs), that Mom was a very tiny woman, and that she had already been in labour with me for more than 24 hours. He told me he had been about to suggest to Mom that a Caesarian might be in order, when I suddenly decided it was time to bust a move.

Mom had had a funny reaction to her epidural, and between that and sheer exhaustion from her lengthy labour, the doc could tell that she was fading in and out of lucidity during my actual delivery, which took a while even after I had become motivated. And in addition to all the other complications, early in the process the doctor had also needed to digitally coax me into the perfect position to make my grand entrance.

Lucid or not, Mom certainly remembered *that* part of the procedure.

Because according to the doctor, just after he’d cut my cord, and before she had fully come round again, my dishcloth-limp, sweat-drenched, exhausted mother – normally a very gentle, unaggressive and soft-spoken woman – had suddenly grabbed him by his upper arm with a grip of steel, heaved herself halfway off the table, locked eyes with him from about six inches away, and yelled, **”DID YOU AT LEAST TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF BEFORE YOU WALKED IN?”** Then her eyes had rolled back in their sockets, and she’d flopped back onto the delivery table, out like a light for the next ten minutes.

Doc chuckled that the mat nurse had had to leave the delivery room for a bit at that point, because she’d [wetted] herself a little – so he ended up washing me off and wrapping me up in a receiving blanket himself.

To the end of her days, Mom’s steadfast claim was that she has absolutely no recollection of *ever* saying anything like that to him, and was horrified by the possibility that she had. Nonetheless, Doc told me that *this* was that incident that had made Mom – and me – two of his very favourite patients.

Image source: theartfulcodger

#22

According to my nurses when I went under surgery, I went in demanding to know the name of the robot that was operating on me, and afterwards, I wanted its Facebook contact information. They never got it to me though.

Image source: EQandCivfanatic

#23

Image source: kooxchicle, Pavel Danilyuk

After my sister got her wisdom teeth taken out, the dentist told her she couldn’t run for a week. Her response, “that’s stupid, I don’t run with my teeth.”

#24

Image source: yennagoose, cottonbro studio

My boyfriend was in a motorcycle accident and was in the ICU coming out of anesthesia after surgery on his hip. The lady in the room next to him has some odd lung issues and they had to use a vacuum tube to suck stuff out (imagine the one at the dentist’s office). So I hear the nurse tell her, through the very thin wall, “It’s time for your oral suction.” BF looks up from the bed at me, smiles through the haze, and says, “Hey baby, how about some oral suction.” I then locked eyes with his mom across the bed and sighed. That was 2 years ago and she still brings it up.

#25

So, I’m a pretty big guy and I have an extremely high tolerance to medicine. When I went in to get my wisdom teeth out, they gassed me and hit me with what was supposed to be the knockout needle, but I just kept talking. About pie I think (it was relatively close to thanksgiving). So they gassed me and stuck me again, and although inhibited and pretty [messed up], I wasn’t out yet. So I leaned in real close to the doctor and slurred “just bring out the nurse with the hammer. ” Then out I went.

Image source: Balb0Biggins