30 Times People Acted On Auto-Pilot And Ended Up Doing Bizarre Things, From A Viral Thread
There are moments we all go on auto-pilot relying on our brains to know what to do in any given moment to steer us in the right direction while we ponder and process the multitude of challenges that are thrown into our way on a daily basis.
An online community member posed a question on their platform asking people to share stories from when this phenomenon led to hilarious experiences. The stories that were narrated tick all the boxes, hilarious, sarcastic, and most importantly they remind us that we all tend to have those hilarious moments in our lives. Share yours in the comments if any come to mind.
More info: Reddit
Leaving work, I had my hat in one hand and cell phone in the other. Something misfired and I put the cell phone on my head and hat in my pocket. There was a flashing realization that something wasn’t right while standing their holding a phone to my bald spot and sporting a look of bewilderment.
I wish someone had seen it.
Image source: anon
Cup of coffee in left hand, phone in the right hand. Go to my room, take a sip of my phone and throw coffee on the bed.
Turned around and went back home because I forgot my car keys.
I was driving.
I was getting ready for work and had a contact in one hand and a vitamin in the other. Popped the contact in my mouth and washed it down with a glass of water. I’m sure the stomach acid took care of it.
I dropped my pants when going through TSA….For those who fly in the super early morning it can be rough. I purposely didn’t drink coffee so I could sleep on the plane…
I was on the security line, and did the normal routine of taking stuff out of my pockets and putting them in my laptop bag. Then off with the shoes, placed on top of my luggage, then off comes the belt as usual. Then of course when you take off your belt you take off your pants…..uhhh Nope damnit. Put them back on and WTFed for a moment as I finished up in security. Luckily not *that many* people fly at like 430am.
I am currently at university and live on the fifth floor of a dormitory. All the floors are identical other than the colors of the paint on the wall. One day I was taking the elevator up to the fifth floor and I was sending a text to my mother. When I arrived at my floor a person I had never seen before got on the elevator. I consciously noted that it was weird because I knew everyone on my floor, but I walked to my room and walked in. My living room seemed slightly off and then a girl walked into the living room and casually goes, “what are you doing in my room.” That’s when I realized I had gotten off on an earlier floor and I just absentmindedly walked into someone else’s room. Needless to say I got out of that room really fast after realizing what I had done.
I was playing guitar and reached to grab a cracker, then I ate my pick.
My sister had a brain fart and left the water running in the kitchen.
I went to turn it off, and flipped the kitchen light switch. Repeatedly. Then started cussing when the switch wouldn’t cut the water off. Then got my tool box and started taking the faceplate off the light switch so I could see why it wasn’t cutting the water off.
At that point my other sister, who witnessed all of this, kindly pointed out that I had lost my ever loving mind and cut the water off herself.
Image source: anon
I woke up from a deep sleep having the feeling that there was an earthquake going on so naturally I call to my wife who I realized was in the living room reading and asked her if everything was okay and she asked why? I said there was just an earthquake is everything okay she said no you just farted in your sleep and woke yourself up. I went back to bed….
Image source: anon
I used to work at McDonald’s drive-thru. 5 days a week, 8hrs a day; so I had been hard-wired to say, “Welcome to McDonald’s. How can I help you today?” Every single time I heard the headset beep. Straight-up Pavlovian.
One day there was a particularly wily fly that was always just a second ahead of me. I became very focused on killing this fly.
I don’t know how many times I said it before a coworker finally stopped laughing long enough to tell me, but it turns out I’d been saying “Welcome to McDonald’s. How can I kill you today?” To every car in the drive-thru.
Not one customer even paused or acknowledged the fact that Ronald McDonald threatened them with murder. They just wanted their goddamn nuggets.
Image source: katieisalady
I sat there at an intersection in suburban Palo Alto at 11PM, patiently waiting for the stop sign to change.
1. Unwrap candy.
2. Throw candy in trash
3. Stare at wrapper
I meant to put a brand new roll of toilet paper on the roll and instead just plopped it in the toilet.
I took the metro home then realized i drove to work.. that was a long night.
As a teenager, I worked at McDonald’s. My McDonald’s was 24 hours and, during the summer, I worked the overnight shift. My sleep schedule would get all messed up.
My parents woke me up for dinner one evening. I zombie walked to the table and sat down. My dad asked me to say grace. I bow my head and say, “thank you for choosing McDonald’s, may I take your order?”
I made the best ever chicken stock, lovingly simmered for 24 hours. Then, without thinking, I put the colander in the sink and tipped the stock down the drain, saving the scraps. I cried.
When I was in high school and living on the family farm, I used to feed the horses and barn cats every morning. Waking up at 6am for this as a 16 year old guaranteed that I was half asleep. So, I grabbed the cat food like I always did, walked to the table where my cat’s bowl was like I always did, and poured some in. My cat always jumped up on the table right away to start eating right away, and one morning as something jumped up in front of me I absentmindedly pet it as usual. The hair felt a little rough so I looked down and instead of my friendly orange cat, there was a skunk. Just chilling there eating the cat food while I pet its back.
Was jogging late at night. A guy reached out his hand in front of me as I passed.
I high-fived him.
Turns out he was hailing a taxi.
Came into work to work front of house after several extended nights of profound insomnia. I was holding up ok until a gal walks up with a dog in her arms. I always chat people up about their dogs because A. Dogs are awesome and B. people love to talk about their dogs, and often tip a little more when they feel like they’ve actually connected with you.
Today though… I didn’t have two neurons to rub together to break from the script of “hey what can I get you… here’s your total… do you want a receipt?” and so I lean over the counter like a drunk, lock my sleep-starved, unfocused googly eyes on this poor lady, and blurt out-
“your dog. Who is he” and then expectantly stare at her like that was a normal and not at all insane thing that I just kinda vomited at her. She kinda stared at me and clutched her dog a little closer and I think I probably went a little cross-eyed and tried to salvage the conversation by talking more. I don’t remember what I said but it was definitely not an improvement on the situation. It may not have even been a coherent sentence.
Image source: SunOnTheInside
Rubbed aftershave in my hair and put gel on my face.
The worst part was that after I put the aftershave in my hair, I laughed at myself, thought, “F**k, what was all that about?” and then added the hair gel to my skin.
Tapped a picture in the newspaper hoping to see the full article. Took me a good 5 seconds to realize where I messed up.
Image source: Grimmcartel
Drove to work and realized when I got to the parking lot that I forgot to drop the kids at school. The kids knew too and stayed quiet thinking they’d get to miss school. Love those sneaky little devils.
Image source: islavistan
Night before last, I went to the back yard to bring the dog into the house. Autopilot moved my feet 10 or so steps out the door, telling the “dog” to come in. My brain then caught up and remembered the dog was in bed and I was indeed approaching a black bear that was eating watermelon rinds from the trash can.
The two that come to mind are while playing XBOX I got up to get a drink, then sit back down and can’t find my freaking controller. I’m tearing cushions apart, looking under stuff, looking in drawers, etc. Turns out I took a soda out of the fridge and put the controller in the spot I took it from.
The other one happened the other day. Drove home from work, parked, went upstairs, opened the door, started to take off shirt. Then I remembered it was the middle of my shift and I hadn’t left to go home, but just go buy a drink.
Once I was laying in bed very tired watching tv. All the characters on the show piled into a car together, and I thought for a second “s**t I forgot to put my seatbelt on” before realizing I was safely in bed and no where near a car.
I had a very long day of computer drafting, think +12 hours sitting and staring at .5mm lines, and got really lost so I asked the person next to me what the hell I did wrong because they seemed like they would absolutely have the explanation. I got most of the way through the answer before I realized not only had I asked my frazzled reflection a question, but I also calmly and matter-of-factly responded. I went home after that.
Image source: voixdetonnerre
Jumped out of bed frantically. Put my clothes on. Brushed all the s**t on my floor under my bed..paused. And realised its 3am in the morning and I don’t have school. I’m 23.
I once got my car impounded via brain-autopilot.
I lived across the street from a gas station and didn’t drive very often. Once I was filling it up, went inside to buy something, forgot I was getting gas, and walked home.
A few days later I reported my car stolen since I couldn’t find it in the apartment garage. About a month later I get a call from the police, saying my car had gone up for auction and only then was it discovered it had been reported stolen. I had to pay about $1500 in impound fees to get it back.
Definitely one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done.
Image source: ungulate
The night before my very first day at work where I have to bring my own lunch. I got all the ingredients out to make my sandwich for tomorrow and immediately after I made it I walked into the living room turned on the tv and ate it.
Image source: Sonicman1223
I picked up my toothbrush to brush my teeth but I also had the urge to p**s, so I obviously toss my toothbrush into the toilet.