35 Times People Shared The Funniest Silly Things They've Heard Children Saying

In the vast expanse of the internet, Reddit serves as a virtual forum where people from all walks of life come together to share experiences, insights, and sometimes, just a good laugh. Recently, a thread emerged on Reddit that beckoned users to recount the most absurd, peculiar, or downright hilarious things children have ever said to them.

What ensued was a cascade of anecdotes that showcased the unfiltered, unadulterated humor and wisdom that often emanate from the minds of kids. Let’s dive into some of the standout tales that emerged from this delightful exchange.

Image credits: SolidUltra

#1

Image source: SereniaKat, Vanessa Loring / pexels (not the actual photo)

My son, at 9yo told me I couldn’t give him almonds in his lunchbox because it was No Nut November.

#2

Image source: Taodragons, nappy / pexels (not the actual photo)

(Talking s**t is our love language, no feelings were hurt)
Not to me, but my daughters were bickering and my youngest says “at least I wasn’t an accident!” and her sister didn’t miss a beat and shot back “no, you were a mistake”. I laughed so damn hard.

#3

Image source: linecookdaddy, Karolina Grabowska / pexels (not the actual photo)

I used to give my kid a five dollar bill to tip the pizza guys. He loved it, it made him feel like a big kid. Once, when he was about four, I gave him a fiver and he leaned in real close and said “if you give me fifty bucks, I’ll k*ll Superman”.

#4

Image source: HEB33, Matilda Wormwood / pexels (not the actual photo)

My stepdaughter was about 5/6 when I got pregnant with her half brother, I was getting dressed one morning and she looked at the stretchmarks on my 7/8 month along belly and asked ‘why did the baby write all over your tummy’? Still one of my most precious memories of when she was little!

#5

Image source: JoelHenryJonsson, Max Fischer / pexels (not the actual photo)

Not me but my mom who used to teach younger children once had a kid tell her that the kids mom actually had a p*nis too, just like dads do. My mom reacted with scepticism and then the kid blurted out ”No she really does, I’ve seen it myself in her bedroom drawer”.

#6

Image source: wossquee, Anna Shvets / pexels (not the actual photo)

I walked into the living room and my 5-year-old son was sitting on the couch in a shirt and underwear only. I asked him why he was sitting there like that and he says:

“I changed my mind about pants.”.

#7

Image source: RonJeremyBellyButton, Josh Willink / pexels (not the actual photo)

I heard a little girl once say that she was mad at her dad because he had bigger breasts then she does! I was dying lmao.

#8

Image source: MaitreCanard, Annalise Tingler / pexels (not the actual photo)

One of the funniest things one of my children said to me is that scorpions are desert lobsters and I don’t think she is wrong ?.

#9

It wasn’t to me, but to my brother in law. He was driving in his truck with his toddler daughter safely belted into her car seat. To keep her amused during the drive he was asking her what noises different animals make.

“What does a cow say?”

“Moo”

“What does a pig say?”

“Oink, oink!”

Then he decided to mess with her and asks “What does a turtle say?”

She was silent for a moment as she thought about it, then busted out in a big smile and said “Kowabunga dude!”.

Image source: Adddicus

#10

Was studying for a math exam in college and some family friends brought their little kid for dinner. Little guy found his way in my room, said he’s good at math and asked if he could help. “Eh I don’t know, how do you draw the energy plot of a square signal?”, and this kid, confidently amd without missing a beat, “With a pencil”.

Image source: spoonthrows

#11

Reminds me of when my mom was looking at baby photos of me, and there was a picture of her and tiny me on her lap. i asked where my younger brother was, since he wasn’t in the photo, and she responded with “he’s in mommy’s tummy.” this was the first time my conscious mind had been introduced to the concept of pregnancy, as my response was a wide-eyed glare followed by “YOU ATE HIM???”

Image source: gayrayofsun

#12

Image source: starlet25, Santiago Sauceda González / pexels (not the actual photo)

I had a kid that couldn’t be older than six ask to fight me while standing in line at the movies. I told him “no thanks,” and that seemed to be an acceptable response.

#13

Image source: Car_loapher, RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)

Yesterday a kid said to me “you look like you suck at basketball”.

#14

Image source: captainz2011, RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)

When I went to wake my son up to get ready for school, the very first thing he said to me was daddy my butt has a crack in it.

#15

Image source: Comprehensive_Debt_7, Allan Mas / pexels (not the actual photo)

I told a little girl one time that her shoes were on the wrong feet. She busted out crying and said, “But these are the only feet I’ve got!”.

#16

I worked at a day care for a bit and they said funny s**t all the time.. one of my favorites was when we were going over fire safety and the main teacher asked the class.. what do you do if you’re on fire? A 3y/o girl shoots her hand up in the air and yells “STOP DROP AND ROCK N ROLL!!!”.

Image source: JamSqueezie

#17

Image source: starrfast, Pavel Danilyuk / pexels (not the actual photo)

I was working as a cashier and a couple came to my till with their young son (maybe like 5 years old or so). I go to give them their receipt and tell them to have a good day. The kid responded to this with “Thanks Baby, I love you!”.

#18

My then-4 yr old was wearing a Darth Vader t shirt that said “VADER” across the image of the dude, where the little triangle of the “A” was lined up to the triangle on Vaders mask. Pretty cool right?

Conservative uncle was complimenting his shirt. My little guy replied “Thanks! And hey look. The A-hole is his mouth!!” ? I think uncles soul left his body. Kid had no idea why everyone was laughing so hard.

Image source: CatScratchEther

#19

I used to teach English in China.

One day, I was collecting homework from my 11-year-olds, and out of nowhere, the quietest, most reserved girl in the class pulls her homework out from behind her back, shoves it in my face, and exclaims, “SURPRISE, M**********R!”

The inflection was EXACTLY the same as the meme from Dexter.

I had to hold back my laughter so hard because it was in the middle of class, but the second the students left the classroom, I couldn’t contain myself. I was nearly in tears.

Image source: PsychonautAlpha

#20

Image source: dontcalmdown, Gabriel Frank / pexels (not the actual photo)

When I was a kid I was watching my dog doing dog things and I said to my mom, “I wish I was a dog.”

“Why is that, sweetie?”

“So I could see what my nuts taste like.”.

#21

Image source: MissMistMaid, cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)

Once when i was a kid, i asked my grandma if she remembers how dinosaurs looked like ?.

#22

When I was deployed to Afghanistan we got a package from a bunch of elementary school kids. They sent cards, candy, and snacks. On one of the cards was a drawing of a graphic firefight with a bunch of dead soldiers. The only thing the card said was I hope you don’t die. It made everyone laugh and we hung it up in our room lol.

Image source: Avodroc4

#23

My kid farted and said “there’s a duck in my butt” she was 3 at the time … I lost it.

Image source: Complete-Plenty-236

#24

Image source: podhorodynski, Anastasia Shuraeva / pexels (not the actual photo)

I once overheard a kid trying to convince his friend that he had superpowers. When his friend asked what they were, he confidently replied, “I can make all the traffic lights turn green… eventually.” It was a charming mix of innocence and creativity!

#25

Image source: Huge_Policy_6517, Adrien Olichon / pexels (not the actual photo)

Helping my grandmother go grocery shopping with my much younger cousins. Took one up to the bathroom while she grabbed a few more things. As we were walking back to her, he, very loudly, says “look! It’s grandmas special juice!”. While pointing at the wine aisle.

#26

I returned to skateboarding after 30 years away. I was at a local skate park and ate s**t. While I was on my back checking my internal systems to determine if anything was broken or bleeding, a young kid rolls up and says, “Damn, are you ok grandpa?!” ??.

Image source: imbrotep

#27

Image source: Supersaiajinblue, Stephen Francis / pexels (not the actual photo)

There was something stuck in the headphone port of my phone, so I tried to suck it out, which worked. Some kid then asked me why I was trying to vape from my phone.

#28

Image source: 83nno, Tim Mossholder / pexels (not the actual photo)

My kids were getting in the car when my daughter (7) elbowed my son (5) between the legs, conversation went as follows…

Son: ow my peanuts!

Me: your what?

Daughter: his peanuts

Me: what’s that?

Daughter: it’s another name for winky that I heard at school.

I didn’t correct them as it’s just too funny.

#29

Years ago I had a goatee and moustache combo. My cousins 7 year old daughter told me that my mouth looked like a v*gina. At the time I was just “um, okay”. Though now I find it a funny story.

Image source: This-Departure-8765

#30

Image source: randomperson429, Katerina Holmes / pexels (not the actual photo)

A third grader said: “I hate friction!”(fractions).

#31

Me at the playground with my son. Little kid comes up to play with us.

Me: What’s your name?

Kid: A*****e

Me: Whaaaaat is your name?

Kid: A*****e

Me: Your name is… A*****e?

Kid’s mom overhearing us: His name is “Axel”. We didn’t really think about it.

Image source: procrastablasta

#32

Image source: VelvetDreamers, Anna Shvets / pexels (not the actual photo)

My niece asked me if she can have a piece of skin from the cadavers I work with so she can give it to her boyfriend for Valentine’s Day this year.

They’re 8.

#33

Image source: MarceloBielsa70, Steshka Willems / pexels (not the actual photo)

My niece asked me why didn’t I let my hair grow on the central side of my scalp ^^

She doesn’t know about hair loss yet.

#34

Image source: Lucinnda, cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)

My godson asked me to tell a “mad story”. I said I bought a different brand of yogurt and I couldn’t get the cover off, and that made me mad. He asked “Could you get help from an adult?”.