20 Times People Realized Their Previous Relationships Were Toxic, Here Are Their Revelations
They shared their experiences which they hoped would shed light on what toxic relationships look like, and how you could avoid them.
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Changing relationships is like entering a new world, and I'm saying that too lightly. If you think about it, your current partner's ideas can be different from those of your former partner. Thus, it creates the illusion that the new person is a new world with new opportunities for love.
The 20 people we'll meet below have escaped a cruel and toxic world. As they shared in this Reddit thread, they revealed that after being in a new relationship, they realized how terrible their past relationships were. They shared their experiences which they hoped would shed light on what toxic relationships look like, and how to avoid them.
More info: Reddit
Image source: PackOfMeese, Karolina Grabowska
Crying. All. The. Time.
She would use tears to the point of manipulation. This was in high school btw. I thought that was just “a girl thing” but no way. My current gf and I have been dating for 3 and a half years and she only cries when she’s in pain or having a panic attack. Both of which are not my fault and I can help her through.
Damn I thought every girl cried like 3 times a day. If any of you are dating a Kendra from Southern California, get the hell away.
Image source: anon, j0hncooke
That sex should last more than 45 seconds
Image source: mountaincal48, Pixabay
That mental/emotional abuse and not doing things together was normal...if that makes sense.
We met online and our first date was okay...but that was the last time we ever really went out in public. He was older than me so after work he would come to my college dorm. He forced me to have sex, and would get angry with me if I didn't....mock sadness and disappointment in me. I didn't want to but I thought I loved him and I thought he knew best.
He would avoid me for months at a time, just saying he was busy (usually during the summer. He was a teacher), and then try to convince me everything was okay come September.
He got engaged to another woman while still trying to convince me we were a happy couple. They got married two months ago.
Yes, I should have registered the signs, but he was my first relationship ever and I just wanted to believe it was all normal and okay. :(
On a much happier, lighter note, I am currently engaged to the actual man of my dreams, and he treats me like a princess :)
Image source: Horrorgoreandlove, cottonbro studio
Not every guy wants to throw on Motown and slow dance with you. Some of them don't even care to touch you.
I miss the slow dances.
Image source: itsFlycatcher, Andrea S
This is a little strange I guess, sort of an individual thing, but... with my first two relationships (5 years total between the two) I never realized how cuddly I am. I used to HATE being touched or kissed, and I never realized that wasn't just... the way I was. I even thought I might be asexual, but deep down I knew that wasn't the case.
My fiancé used to be the same way, but when we met, somehow things just... clicked into place.
Image source: stevenuniverse_89, richardhe51067
My ex put her happines on me making it my responisbilty. Would demand I stay around and cut my work hours back and then be upset when we wouldnt have money to go out. Every time I would try and leave I was coerced with sex to stay, because I was young and stupid. After 8 years I had enough I moved 5 states away. Had a chain of bad relatsionships that ended, took some time to work on myself and im now engaged to an amazing woman I can communicate with share feelings about issues and who values a healthy relationship.
Image source: SirLuckey, joey zanotti
I texted my then new girlfriend about where I was and who I was with about every 30 minutes. After the 3rd time, she told me that she didn't need to get updates on what I was doing, and to just let her know when I got home safe. I remember feeling almost a physical weight being lifted off my chest because I didn't have to worry about my girlfriend freaking out if I didn't update her. I learned what trust felt like that night.
Image source: PostItFrustrations, Stephanie
Putting his wants over my needs.
Putting his comfort above mine.
His comfort over my safety.
They shouldn't try to make you jealous. And definitely shouldn't get mad if it doesn't work.
They also shouldn't make you feel like one day their fist will find your face instead of a wall. Anger issues should not be normal. And one day I realized that if/when it happened, I could forgive him. I wish I had told someone that so they could have told me I should never even consider that possibility.
I also thought that violently swinging from rage to sappy romantic in less than a second was sweet, since it meant he was sorry for whatever he did or said.
Image source: anon, Ketut Subiyanto
just like a lot of toxic behaviour. It wasnt a healthy relationship and I found myself looking after the other person and organizing my life around their needs. 4 years later and im still learning what a healthy relationship looks like and what its like when someone is looking after my needs.
Image source: Mila999, Neeta Lind
I see so much horrible things on here, mine is quite tame but here goes.
My first boyfriend would always leave me small presents or notes underneath my pillow if I had to get up earlier than he did. He was quite romantic and told me I love you quite a lot. When I got a new boyfriend I caught myself looking underneath my pillow for at least a month/2 months in, just out of habit.
Image source: GinnyMaple, Nicu Buculei
You're apparantly not supposed to be afraid of your boyfriend, and a man doing his share of his own housework is not impossible to come by nor something you can't realistically expect! Also your partner isn't supposed to hate your friends and family nor shout at you about not having steak for dinner. And throwing glasses/plates at you or throwing punches is, like, frowned upon. (I'm living a much better life nowadays, truly! :) )
Image source: Laceybram, Amelia Isa
I grew up in a pretty strict Christian home and was taught that sex before marriage was a sin.
My first teenage boyfriend and I were together for 5 years and never came anywhere close to having sex. At the time, I thought it was because I was a good Christian. Since sex before marriage was wrong, I didn't want to have sex with him. All my friends were either having sex or struggling not to. I didn't understand this because I didn't have the desire to do "wrong," just as I didn't have the desire to hurt people or lie or steal.
He and I broke up as our lives went in different paths. My next relationship became sexual pretty quickly, and it was only then that I realized that I was never really attracted to my ex, which is why I didn't want to have sex with him.
Image source: motorbiker1985, Eric Chan
Her father hating me. I just thought this was normal, but in the subsequent 3 relationships (last one turning into a marriage and family) the parents were kind and I couldn't believe that is possible.
Image source: GaiaMoore, Paul Simpson
Daily binge drinking until I realized a) I'm an alcoholic and b) hetero relationships don't work when one partner tries to drink the gay away
Only took me 9 years but I got there eventually
Image source: Natesradscreenname, Tambako The Jaguar
I would lick the side of my first girlfriend's face like a dog and she loved it. My second girlfriend slapped me when I tried it.
Image source: saturnbands182, Liza Summer
This is morbid but I thought it was normal to argue every day. I thought 'all couples have their bickering' and it was just a regular thing.
I was astounded when I went into my next relationship and actually got on with the guy and went weeks and weeks without having any issues. It always felt like the bubble was going to burst. Goes to show - don't stay in a relationship just because you've already invested a tonne of time. You get one life, spend it with someone who makes you laugh every day.
Image source: Deadmeat553, K-State Research and Extension
Your partner should actually make an effort to spend time with you. You shouldn't have to surprise them to spend any time with them.
Image source: physicslover69, Inzmam Khan
My first boyfriend was so ridiculously clingy. Like if we were in bed together we would HAVE to cuddle otherwise he would cry and think that I was mad at him, when in reality I was just hot and wanted some space.
I just thought that's what relationships were.
My relationship now is nothing like that. It is so nice to be in the same room but doing completely seperate things and not have to worry about each other.
Image source: missluluh, joey zanotti
It wasn't super long term, only about a year but when you're in high school that's fairly long term. My ex was a very clingy dude, sweet but would follow me around every social gathering and get jealous of me spending time with my friends. When I started dating the guy who is now my husband I remember looking around at a party early on of mostly my friends that he hadn't met before and I couldn't find him. I asked someone where he was and he was out by the fire with a group of people chatting and hanging out. I was astonished that we could just go our separate ways in a social setting and that was totally fine, we didn't have to be attached at the hip the whole time.
Edit: When I say he would follow me around I literally mean he never left my side. And these were parties and things where he knew everyone as well. At one point my friend was upset so I went into a bedroom with her and another friend to talk to her and within five minutes he came into the room and even though this was obviously private he just stood in there. And I did tell him multiple times that we didn't constantly have to be beside each other. If you and your partner like to hang out at parties that's fine but it was suffocating to me. He was jealous of my friends and complained when I would make plans with them. Honestly we were young and he's probably a totally fine dude now. We were just not right together.
#1
Image source: PackOfMeese, Karolina Grabowska
Crying. All. The. Time.
She would use tears to the point of manipulation. This was in high school btw. I thought that was just “a girl thing” but no way. My current gf and I have been dating for 3 and a half years and she only cries when she’s in pain or having a panic attack. Both of which are not my fault and I can help her through.
Damn I thought every girl cried like 3 times a day. If any of you are dating a Kendra from Southern California, get the hell away.
#2
Image source: anon, j0hncooke
That sex should last more than 45 seconds
#3
Image source: mountaincal48, Pixabay
That mental/emotional abuse and not doing things together was normal...if that makes sense.
We met online and our first date was okay...but that was the last time we ever really went out in public. He was older than me so after work he would come to my college dorm. He forced me to have sex, and would get angry with me if I didn't....mock sadness and disappointment in me. I didn't want to but I thought I loved him and I thought he knew best.
He would avoid me for months at a time, just saying he was busy (usually during the summer. He was a teacher), and then try to convince me everything was okay come September.
He got engaged to another woman while still trying to convince me we were a happy couple. They got married two months ago.
Yes, I should have registered the signs, but he was my first relationship ever and I just wanted to believe it was all normal and okay. :(
On a much happier, lighter note, I am currently engaged to the actual man of my dreams, and he treats me like a princess :)
#4
Image source: Horrorgoreandlove, cottonbro studio
Not every guy wants to throw on Motown and slow dance with you. Some of them don't even care to touch you.
I miss the slow dances.
#5
Image source: itsFlycatcher, Andrea S
This is a little strange I guess, sort of an individual thing, but... with my first two relationships (5 years total between the two) I never realized how cuddly I am. I used to HATE being touched or kissed, and I never realized that wasn't just... the way I was. I even thought I might be asexual, but deep down I knew that wasn't the case.
My fiancé used to be the same way, but when we met, somehow things just... clicked into place.
#6
Image source: stevenuniverse_89, richardhe51067
My ex put her happines on me making it my responisbilty. Would demand I stay around and cut my work hours back and then be upset when we wouldnt have money to go out. Every time I would try and leave I was coerced with sex to stay, because I was young and stupid. After 8 years I had enough I moved 5 states away. Had a chain of bad relatsionships that ended, took some time to work on myself and im now engaged to an amazing woman I can communicate with share feelings about issues and who values a healthy relationship.
#7
Image source: SirLuckey, joey zanotti
I texted my then new girlfriend about where I was and who I was with about every 30 minutes. After the 3rd time, she told me that she didn't need to get updates on what I was doing, and to just let her know when I got home safe. I remember feeling almost a physical weight being lifted off my chest because I didn't have to worry about my girlfriend freaking out if I didn't update her. I learned what trust felt like that night.
#8
Image source: PostItFrustrations, Stephanie
Putting his wants over my needs.
Putting his comfort above mine.
His comfort over my safety.
They shouldn't try to make you jealous. And definitely shouldn't get mad if it doesn't work.
They also shouldn't make you feel like one day their fist will find your face instead of a wall. Anger issues should not be normal. And one day I realized that if/when it happened, I could forgive him. I wish I had told someone that so they could have told me I should never even consider that possibility.
I also thought that violently swinging from rage to sappy romantic in less than a second was sweet, since it meant he was sorry for whatever he did or said.
#9
Image source: anon, Ketut Subiyanto
just like a lot of toxic behaviour. It wasnt a healthy relationship and I found myself looking after the other person and organizing my life around their needs. 4 years later and im still learning what a healthy relationship looks like and what its like when someone is looking after my needs.
#10
Image source: Mila999, Neeta Lind
I see so much horrible things on here, mine is quite tame but here goes.
My first boyfriend would always leave me small presents or notes underneath my pillow if I had to get up earlier than he did. He was quite romantic and told me I love you quite a lot. When I got a new boyfriend I caught myself looking underneath my pillow for at least a month/2 months in, just out of habit.
#11
Image source: GinnyMaple, Nicu Buculei
You're apparantly not supposed to be afraid of your boyfriend, and a man doing his share of his own housework is not impossible to come by nor something you can't realistically expect! Also your partner isn't supposed to hate your friends and family nor shout at you about not having steak for dinner. And throwing glasses/plates at you or throwing punches is, like, frowned upon. (I'm living a much better life nowadays, truly! :) )
#12
Image source: Laceybram, Amelia Isa
I grew up in a pretty strict Christian home and was taught that sex before marriage was a sin.
My first teenage boyfriend and I were together for 5 years and never came anywhere close to having sex. At the time, I thought it was because I was a good Christian. Since sex before marriage was wrong, I didn't want to have sex with him. All my friends were either having sex or struggling not to. I didn't understand this because I didn't have the desire to do "wrong," just as I didn't have the desire to hurt people or lie or steal.
He and I broke up as our lives went in different paths. My next relationship became sexual pretty quickly, and it was only then that I realized that I was never really attracted to my ex, which is why I didn't want to have sex with him.
#13
Image source: motorbiker1985, Eric Chan
Her father hating me. I just thought this was normal, but in the subsequent 3 relationships (last one turning into a marriage and family) the parents were kind and I couldn't believe that is possible.
#14
Image source: GaiaMoore, Paul Simpson
Daily binge drinking until I realized a) I'm an alcoholic and b) hetero relationships don't work when one partner tries to drink the gay away
Only took me 9 years but I got there eventually
#15
Image source: Natesradscreenname, Tambako The Jaguar
I would lick the side of my first girlfriend's face like a dog and she loved it. My second girlfriend slapped me when I tried it.
#16
Image source: saturnbands182, Liza Summer
This is morbid but I thought it was normal to argue every day. I thought 'all couples have their bickering' and it was just a regular thing.
I was astounded when I went into my next relationship and actually got on with the guy and went weeks and weeks without having any issues. It always felt like the bubble was going to burst. Goes to show - don't stay in a relationship just because you've already invested a tonne of time. You get one life, spend it with someone who makes you laugh every day.
#17
Both oh my exbfs (2 years each relationship) told me that I had to be under 100lbs. I’m very petite but changed when I ate so I only ate one a day. My now husband has to kindly remind me that it’s okay to eat more then one meal. Source: Hippolina#18
Image source: Deadmeat553, K-State Research and Extension
Your partner should actually make an effort to spend time with you. You shouldn't have to surprise them to spend any time with them.
#19
Image source: physicslover69, Inzmam Khan
My first boyfriend was so ridiculously clingy. Like if we were in bed together we would HAVE to cuddle otherwise he would cry and think that I was mad at him, when in reality I was just hot and wanted some space.
I just thought that's what relationships were.
My relationship now is nothing like that. It is so nice to be in the same room but doing completely seperate things and not have to worry about each other.
#20
Image source: missluluh, joey zanotti
It wasn't super long term, only about a year but when you're in high school that's fairly long term. My ex was a very clingy dude, sweet but would follow me around every social gathering and get jealous of me spending time with my friends. When I started dating the guy who is now my husband I remember looking around at a party early on of mostly my friends that he hadn't met before and I couldn't find him. I asked someone where he was and he was out by the fire with a group of people chatting and hanging out. I was astonished that we could just go our separate ways in a social setting and that was totally fine, we didn't have to be attached at the hip the whole time.
Edit: When I say he would follow me around I literally mean he never left my side. And these were parties and things where he knew everyone as well. At one point my friend was upset so I went into a bedroom with her and another friend to talk to her and within five minutes he came into the room and even though this was obviously private he just stood in there. And I did tell him multiple times that we didn't constantly have to be beside each other. If you and your partner like to hang out at parties that's fine but it was suffocating to me. He was jealous of my friends and complained when I would make plans with them. Honestly we were young and he's probably a totally fine dude now. We were just not right together.DE
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