“My Wife Doesn’t Know”: 20 Married People Reveal Their Darkest Secrets
Relationships are complicated and not everyone goes about it the same way. While some say that the art of making a relationship work is to communicate and be honest about everything, others may have differing opinions.
According to this Reddit thread, the answer to a happy relationship may in fact be vastly different to the almost platitude-like advice we’ve received time and again. Folks responded to u/Riptidecharger’s question about some of the secrets people have held onto even in a relationship and the answers received were honest and revealing. We have to admit some actually seem to have a point though some, on the other hand, do come off as downright cruel and unconscionable.
My mom’s friend won about $4.5 million in the lottery and didn’t tell her husband for almost two years. He was a real blue-collar guy who just went to work and came home, and she was responsible for all of the finances. One day, she walked into his factory, told him she’d won the lottery, and said everything was paid off and that they were going to both retire. And they did. They are the happiest couple I’ve ever met.
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Everybody likes snacks, right? Some of us like chips, others like fruit, or yogurt. Well, my wife likes croutons. Frozen croutons to be exact and she tries to hide it like an alcoholic hides bottles of vodka. Where does she hide the croutons? In the freezer. At first I’d put them in the pantry when we get home from the grocery store, but they’d always end up in the freezer. I’d be like, “Uh, hon, what’s up with the croutons in the freezer?” and she’d act like she had no idea what I was talking about. Now here’s the thing, I’ve tried them and now I’m addicted to them too. So now I openly eat cold croutons out of the freezer as a snack, and she tells me what a weirdo I am while she eats half the bag with me. No idea why she’s embarassed to admit what a genius she is for discovering such an awesome snack. BTW, the best kind is Chatham Village garlic and cheese flavor.
He had always said he hates to cuddle at night because it gets hot/ it’s uncomfortable/I hog the blankets/ect. However, when he thinks I’m asleep he’ll scoot over and wrap his body around me. If I even make a move like I’m awake, he’ll run back to his side and pretend it never happened. I think its freaking adorable.
She says she doesn’t want children.
I know that she actually does want children, and that she’s not capable of having them, due to stumbling upon some medical records.
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I got pregnant the very first time my now-husband and I slept together. I was in my very early 20s and didn’t know him well, so there was no question that I’d have an abortion. I never told him about it because I never expected to keep dating him. It was the right call at that time in my life. We’ve now been together for close to a decade and have two amazing kids. He probably will never know because we’ve built such a great life together, and I think it’d be unnecessary to talk about it.
Ok, so I found out my fiancé was wanting to ask me to marry him but wanted to get a super expensive ring for me so it was taking time to save up. I don’t give a c**p about that type of thing. I’d marry him without a ring. That’s not what’s important to me. So I went to his mom and told her what I knew and she told me we should go look at rings together so maybe I could pick something less expensive so she could tell him we had been shopping and I had fallen in love with a ring that he could afford. I know, I’m sneaky. Anyway, I found an incredible ring that was normally $500 but on sale for $100. I bought the ring and she called him and told him what she did. He was so happy!!! He asked me to marry him on Christmas Eve and it was by far one of the best days of my life. He has no clue that I was involved in the purchase. So, he’s keeping the secret that he doesn’t know that I know.
EDIT: Thank you for the gold! I love you guys/gals!!! ?
He has been hiding he’s autistic from me for ten years. (Should clarify it’s a long running on again off again thing between us but even when it’s off we were still good friends) He suffered abusive therapy and because of it thinks hiding his autism is the most important thing. Except that’s like trying to hide an elephant in a bathroom, and he’s not always super high functioning. So it’s always a weird charade of me pretending he’s not autistic while busting my a*s to gently handle that.
I have no idea how to talk to him about it. I know he has a formal diagnosis. He was so traumatized from institutional medical abuse in the name of therapy that even mentioning it or acknowledging it can cause him to have a meltdown. He thinks if I knew, I wouldn’t love him anymore, but I’ve known for YEARS and I still love him. I like him just how he is, I just want things to be easier and less scary for him, and I don’t know how to help most of the time because he won’t admit the problem.
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My wife dropped my iPhone in a Port-A-Potty toilet. Luckily it has been so used there was a large pile of s**t which gently held the phone above the liquid. She cleaned it off and gave it back to me. A year later I upgraded and gave her my old phone.
She insisted on purchasing a new cover even though I had a high-end OtterBox. I never understood why until one of the kids told on her.
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A girl I dated a few years back had just graduated with her bachelors so I took her out for a night on the town. Her and our friends got absolutely demolished and since this was before Uber, I volunteered to be DD. So around 2am she’s tanked, we head out and she wants krystal burgers. Very adamant about that, so I stop by Krystals and order a steamer pack so I can have some too and then have leftovers. She eats somewhere around 8, I get her home, get her into her bed and she immediately passes out. I am sitting next to her watching some TV when I smell something. I notice that she has just s**t herself. She is one of those people who would be so ashamed of herself if anyone found out so I just… left. I called her the next day and told her I dropped her off, got her some water and headed home. Never mentioned her s******g herself or anything so to this day she thinks she did it in her sleep after I left. I could have stayed and helped her clean it up and I probably should have, but she would have cried over that and avoided me sporadically for weeks.
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My wife doesn’t know that I know her secret. When we first started dating, it was long-distance. One time she visited me for four days, but I had to work during one of the days. While I was gone, she had to take a dump but clogged the toilet really badly. She couldn’t get it to plunge and was freaking out, so she went to the kitchen and got a fork and a plastic bag and dug the turds out of the bowl and threw everything in the dumpster out back. She called her friend, panicking, and the friend thought it was hilarious. Years later, the friend told me all about it. I find it funny but don’t want to embarrass her, so I’ll never tell her that I know.
My partner found a card in my car for a proposal to marry me…or so she thought. The card was actually meant for another woman I’ve also been dating for three years.
“I’ve been lying to my husband about my eye color for our entire relationship. He has poor eyesight and couldn’t originally tell that I wear ultra-realistic prescription color contacts. I’ve worn color contacts for about 10 years and only take them off to shower and to give my eyes a break. We’ve been married for five years now, and he still doesn’t know that this isn’t my actual eye color.
A while ago, things got so bad finance-wise that we couldn’t pay the bills for a month. My significant other was working 13-hour days, every day, and I wasn’t getting any shifts at work. My parents couldn’t help us, so I became a cam model. I earned over $100 in less than an hour, and it paid for our food that month. I only half-stripped, and I chatted a lot about innocent stuff, but I feel weird about it. I know my S.O. would feel totally betrayed, and I hate the fact that other men saw what only he should get to see.
I’ve been married twice. My first husband and I got pregnant at 17, and my dad made us get married. We split amicably three years later, but we didn’t get divorced right away due to a lack of funds. We didn’t actually file the paperwork for another six years, which was a year after my second husband and I started dating. I never told him that I was married to someone else during the entire first year of our relationship.
When he’s about to fall asleep he’s completely honest. it was about 7 months in when he grabbed me and whispered into my ear “You’re gonna be the mother of my children.”
I told him and he was thoroughly embarrassed and he apologized. however I neglected to tell him that pretty much every night he would tell me that he loved me starting a month in.
I don’t mind and I’m not trying to rush things and neither of us have any plans to jump into that sort of stuff right away but it’s nice to know
Ex-girl. She had a fairly large scar on her back and was incredibly self-conscious about it. She wouldn’t even take her shirt off the first time we had sex. When I asked her about it, she said she had fallen from her horse when she was young.
Fast forward a little and I’m out finding her a birthday present and have enlisted the help of her friend. I pick out a sexy singlet and her friend just looks out me like I’m stupid. Apparently the scar on her back, which the singlet clearly revealed, wasn’t from a fall, but an abusive ex-boyfriend who had pushed her onto his motorbikes exhaust pipe and burnt her.
We ended on good terms, and I never told her I knew. I hope she is doing well.
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Even though we had been married for 25 years, my wife and I always invented stupid private jokes between each other. I was lamenting the fact that we had fostered a Siamese cat from an adoption group, that eventually got adopted, and I really missed her. At one point, we were looking through the website of the local pound, and a Siamese came up named “Montague.”
The photo that they took of Montague was epic. A classic Applehead Siamese, he was neutered, about five years old, and had horribly crossed eyes. Whoever took the photograph of him made him look both proud, distinguished, and adorably insane. Like some crazy dude that comes into the bar as a regular, claims he’s the emperor of the United States of America, and everybody buys him a round because even though he is clearly crazy, he is also very charming. We started making up all the stories about Montague in a spoof of “The world’s most interesting man.” Week after week, we checked to see if he had been adopted, but nobody wanted a crazy looking cross eyed Siamese cat. Everyone at the pound said he was affectionate, and had been there for quite some time.
Sadly, this would be our last private joke together. My wife, who had a terminal illness, suddenly gotten much worse and passed away rather rapidly. We thought we had more time together, but she had sarcoidosis, and her lungs had already been weakened by repeated pneumonia, when she got the flu. Because she was on immunosuppressants for her condition, this is what did her in, she went into a coma, and died a week later.
My sister helped me with the funeral and taking care of a lot of things, including contacting everyone in her phone contacts on her cell phone. She asked me about why the Alexandria pound would be trying to contact my late wife via voicemail. Apparently, my wife had applied to adopt Montague as a surprise gift. She paid the adoption fee and had scheduled a visit to adopt him. But she died before the appointment date.
Sadly, my wife put it in her name only, and the people at the pound were pretty rude about it. Like to adopt Montague I’d have to pay ANOTHER adoption fee, and they were made that she didn’t show up, and at the time it was chaos I couldn’t deal with. My sister gave them an earful and they told her to go to hell.
That ended that.
I hope Montague eventually found a loving family.
Edit 1: This got a LOT of attention. Your support has been so amazing. I couldn’t find any of the original pictures of Montague, BUT, my wife had made a few private in-joke Memes from one of his pound pictures (not a very good one, I am afraid). I put two of them here from Montague’s “Meanwhile, at the Legion of Doom” phase of our jokes.
Edit 2: Don’t go after the pound, that was over 3 years ago, and I wasn’t right in the head about my wife’s passing. I am sure they have rotated staff. BUT I did get a Siamese rescue last year from a friend of mine who has a farm where people dump cats (long story). Here’s some of HER pictures.
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Her Caesar salad dressing. It’s actually the best thing ever but even after two years she refuses to tell me what’s in it. What she doesn’t know is that I have secretly been watching her make it over the past few months. I have finally pieced it together and now I have the power!!
Edit: Everyone wants the secret recipe. But she has reddit, and I prefer life.
When we were in the hospital for some weird pain that I had, uninsured, and the doctors thought it might be cancer, I lost it a bit. She was so brave for me.
But her mother called, she went into the bathroom to talk but she didn’t know that the sound echoed pretty loudly into the room. I heard her break down, sobbing, telling her mom she didn’t know how we were going to pay for treatment and that it looked really bad. I’ll never tell her I heard her, but god it was heartbreaking.
When she came out you wouldn’t even know she was even upset, she hid it so well. She sat right down and told me everything was going to be fine with such determination and such certainty. Literally took out her computer then and there and started making a f*****g spreadsheet of our finances to fit in cancer. I knew how much she loved me in that moment and how important it was for her that she was brave for me. I don’t know why but I got so calm after that, I haven’t broken down like that since, even with worse news. I guess she makes me strong… god, I f*****g love her.
**Edit:** People are wondering if it is cancer, unfortunately, yes I have stage 4 colon cancer (age 23).
Had some major surgery which removed: both ovaries, uterus, both fallopian tubes, cervix (they made me a new one??? Science, man…), appendix, a third of my colon, a spot on my liver, and around 20 lymph nodes.
Got a port put in and should be starting chemo next week. Unfortunately, there is no cure for colon cancer yet. My doc describes my situation as “treatable but not curable” but there are clinical trials and research being done, plus I heard maintenance chemo isn’t too bad… So I’m going to fight like hell.
(Also by now, you may have guessed I’m a woman :) )
**Edit 2:** Hell yeah my girl and I are still together!!! We actually just celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary.
I, unfortunately, f****d up our anniversary plans (God, I just HAD to go and get cancer -.-) but we’ve celebrated in our own way and the docs said they can work my chemo around our honeymoon that we have planned in August :)
**Edit 3:** ok this is a lot of edits but I think this is important:
please **DO NOT IGNORE SYMPTOMS**
You know the only symptoms I had for stage 4 colon cancer? Three weeks of some bloating and then 4 days where I had some on and off sharp pain. That’s it, and I already had two cysts on my ovaries the sizes of grapefruits. The doctors said that it probably started 6 months before that… That’s 5 months of nothing, then some bloating and all of a sudden stage 4 cancer. (I got surgery less than a month later and my doc said my ovaries were the sizes of FOOTBALLS…. EACH)
I was hesitant about getting it checked out too because f**k medical bills. But my grandmother ignored her bloating, and when she finally let us take her to a doctor she found out on a Friday she had stage 4 ovarian cancer and the next Friday she was dead. I don’t play around with my symptoms anymore.
(and guys out there, don’t think this doesn’t apply to you too, my brother had pain for a few days in his junk and my family ignored it. His girlfriend rushed him to the hospital and it was testicular cancer, he lost a ball. Don’t be like us, don’t lose a ball).
You’re life is worth so much more than whatever medical bills come up. We thought for a while we would have to pay out of pocket (and we did for everything when we were still in NZ) but thanks to the ACA I am covered now.
That doesn’t mean things aren’t still expensive, or that we don’t need a real overhaul of the way we treat health insurance in the US, but god damn you are worth so much more than whatever you will owe. I know it’s so f****d up, but if you learn anything from me, learn not to ignore your symptoms.
(Educate yourselves on your states laws and programs- sometimes under a certain age you get free healthcare (NY) and my insurance tried to lie to me about being covered because I’m married and it’s because I knew (because my wife told me, obviously) that that’s not true, I am not thousands in debt right now)
Love you all, take care of yourselves, and thank you so much for the love.
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Her ex is in town and she is secretly meeting him behind my back.
I know this because her location is always shared with me due to her habit of forgetting where her phone is.
Edit: Wow! I was expecting to have this comment ignored cos I was late to the party but wow!
Anyway. I am going through the questions you guys have and I will answer them as I read them.
I will certainly update everyone once I decide what to do.
If she still loves him, I don’t want to step in the way. I am waiting for her to come clean to me on her own and if she does, I won’t tell her I already knew. What hurts me is that she is indeed cheating on me.
She is being extra affectionate. She’s putting more effort into her appearance. She’s more interested in my schedule than ever before but never expressing I should come home soon.
The app we have is find my friends on iPhone. Instead of asking of her whereabouts, we share our location with each other. Also so in case the phone is missing somewhere, we know where it is.
I know where the ex is living and I can see that she’s there very regularly.
I am going to give her some time to come clean. For the sake of our child and our 8 year marriage.
Edit 2: All right, thank you everyone for your support and well wishes. I truly appreciate it.
Some people were not too impressed with my patience and mistook it for being a cuck, I understand where you’re coming from. I’m not an impulsive person. It is a strength and a weakness.
I’m seeing a lawyer on Friday to plan my next steps. I’m depressed and miserable and it is not a very great shape to be in.
Once again, thank you everyone.