20 Times Women Said ‘No’ To Proposals And Explained Their Reasons Online
When it comes to choosing a life partner, most people think of all the pros and cons before making the decision. It’s better to ponder over things wisely before giving a lifetime commitment to someone. Saying ‘no’ early in the relationship is way better than breaking vows later.
A Reddit user asked tommygunz007 put forward a question on r/askreddit “Women of Reddit who were proposed to by their SO and said no, what’s your story?” Many women revealed why they refused proposals. Some of them actually got married later to the same person who proposed. Some didn’t. Scroll below to read some stories and explanations from the women of Reddit.
More info: Reddit
#1 He Gifted Her A Ring An Told It Was An Engagement One The Day After
“He bought me a ring as a Christmas present. The proposal came the day after with him saying “by the way, that’s an engagement ring”.
He tried the same thing again the year after. Told him both times that if he couldn’t even ask me whether I wanted to actually marry him or not, I didn’t want the rings.”
#2 She Thought She Was Too Young For Marriage
“We were 19 & 21 and had been together for 2 years. He took me to Paris, pulled out all the stops and proposed under the Eiffel Tower. I told him it wasn’t a no, it was a not yet (if he would wait). I wanted to travel and knew I was too young for marriage. We ended up travelling together, making amazing memories through the years – we got engaged when I was 24 and married when I was 27 in the most perfect service and have been happily married 4 years next week!”
#3 She Found Out He Was Part Of A Gang
“I loved him, If he asked me to get married 3 days before I would’ve said yes, BUT I received a message 2 days before the proposal from someone telling me that he was part of a gang, with proof and everything.”
#4 Each Of The 3 Times Were During A Rough Patch Of Their Relationship And Was His Way Of Trying To “Fix” Things
“My ex Andrew asked three times. Each time was during a rough patch of our relationship and was his way of trying to “fix” things. I told him no each time because when I get married, I want to get married because I care about someone and want to share my life adventure with them, not as a bandage to a problem. I’ve seen what happens when two people get married for the wrong reasons and it never ends well. Well Andrew didn’t like that and told me I wasted his and broke up with me.
It’s a bit of a relief as now nearly a year later I’ve meet someone who is absolutely amazing that I click with really well and has similar life goals named Chris. Chris has been respectful of my decision to not make our relationship official just yet so that already speaks volumes about how things will go if we reach the point of considering getting married.”
#5 Sold Her Great Grandmom’s Wedding Set To Buy A Gaudy Diamond Monstrosity Of A Ring
“Sold my great grandmom’s wedding set to buy a gaudy diamond monstrosity of a ring.
I had asked him to use the engagement ring to propose with as I would have been the fourth generation to wear it.
He said it was ugly and awful and wouldn’t have his “woman” wearing second hand garbage.
I dumped his a*s and got the set back from the pawn shop.
Just realized this was the second time I dumped a guy based on this kind of behavior. I sure can pick ’em.”
#6 He Proposed While Saying He Loved The Woman She Would Become One Day
“Dating a guy for a few years. Was 20 years old at the time. Very controlling, wasn’t going great. We were opening Christmas presents with his family when he asked. He proposed while saying he loved the woman I would become one day. I said yes in public, but no in private. If you don’t even love me now, why propose now? Needless to say it didn’t last long.”
#7 The Guy She Dated On And Off Since Sophomore Year Texted Her That He Wanted To Marry Her
“Was 18 and had just graduated high school when the guy I dated on and off since sophomore year texted me that he wanted to marry me. Assumed it was just a flirt thing people do but he wasn’t joking and called me, telling me if we got married we could get money for college from the state (not sure if that’s even true?) and go ahead and have kids that same year so we could have our parents insurance (again, not sure if that’s how that works either!).
It blew my mind because he was so serious about it. He said, “let’s go pick out a ring and have dinner.” I asked why would he ask to marry me without a ring, he said because he wasn’t “wasting his time” trying to find something when I could do it myself. Oh, and we needed to go half and half on my ring. ?
I turned him down obviously and we argued for a week straight then broke up for good. Met my soon to be husband two months later. The ex ended up dating my friends little sister who was in high school (he was 19, she was 17) and did the same thing to her. Not sure how that’s going for them.”
#8 She Saw Him Just As A Friend
“A friend from high school whom I had known for about a year proposed to me while I was in my first semester of college. The proposal was made over the phone, long distance (this was in the late 1960’s). I never saw him as more than a great friend. My Mom thought he was really great which was nice but, no reason to basis a marriage. He really was a nice guy and we had fun together but, I was not “in love” with him.
A few years ago I found out that he died of cancer in the mid 1980’s and I was sorry to learn of his death. We did not keep in touch and I only saw him once after the proposal and he had married a lovely woman who I thought suited him. Seems I was wrong as she divorced him at some point.”
#9 She Just Didn’t Want To Get Married, Because Marriage Is Just A Contract
“We had been together for about four years I think, and he just kinda popped it out of the blue, like “we should get married” style. So I was like “are you asking me?” And he said yeah, so I said no lol
Basically we were both punky streetkids and I just didn’t want to get married, because marriage is just a contract ofc. So I rolled my eyes at him but I was secretly very flattered.
We stayed together pretty much for years and he ask me a few more times over the course of that, and well, after about ten years he finally wore me down and I said “OK, I guess it doesn’t matter.” Which was as close as I think I was ever going to get to saying yes to anyone – lol – he is definitely the only guy that could have worn me down like that.
We are still together, 16 years since I first said no. ?”
#10 He Offered To Get A Tattoo Saying ‘Private Property Of OP’
“He thought asking me to marry him and tattooing ‘private property of op’ would be a good way to make me forget serial cheating.”
#11 Her Ex Was An Abusive Narcissist And Proposed To Her After Insulting Her
“My ex was an abusive narcissist. I was 21 (very naive, first relationship) he was 54 and divorced. I had been gaslit and pushed into the relationship but didn’t realize that until later. He demanded keys to my apartment and passwords but refused to give me his and a whole list of c**p like this. Now I wouldn’t put up with it but at the time I did. He proposed at 11 months but by then he was verbally and emotionally abusive and had come close to hitting me.
My sperm donor father was a very abusive alcoholic so I only have memories of his BS and I knew I didn’t want to repeat the abuse cycle. My mom, Grandma, and Aunt have all had abusive husband’s and I didn’t want it to continue with me.
Once ex-bf became abusive I warned him to knock that s**t off or I’d leave. He proposed after calling me a stupid b***h. I followed through. I changed the locks in my apartment and my passwords. He actually CALLED me after I changed my passwords screaming about it. I broke up with him, why the hell is he trying to get into my stuff??
After a few weeks of me refusing to go back to him he contacted my boss and accused me of stealing and contacted the fire department I volunteered with and accused me of endangering my team to showboat and get attention. Thankfully both believed me over him and he was blacklisted. He tried to show up several more times at FD events and he was always immediately escorted off property.
I’m still glad I got rid of that ahole.”
#12 He Proposed After Being Told The Relationship Wasn’t Going Anywhere
“An ex, I told him things were going downhill and I wanted to end things so he decided to propose to me (thank god not in public) as an attempt to get me to stay. I said no.”
#13 He Showed Up At Her Apartment, Saw Her With Her New Boyfriend, And Proposed In A Crying Fit
“I had a boyfriend cheat on me SO many times. The break up was hard, but then he got activated from the military reserves. I didn’t meet anyone till 2 months before he came back. The whole time I wanted him back, but he and I weren’t really officially together, and I knew he was talking to another girl the whole time he was gone. He came back, and saw the other girl first (he says to break up with her, ya right) and I realized I didn’t like him, thank God! He showed up at my apartment, saw me with my new boyfriend, and proposed in a crying fit. It was horrid. 3 months earlier and I’d have done it, but thank god for the timing of things.”
#14 Proposed While Just Causually Dating
Image source: SpyJane
“A girl I was casually dating, not even in a relationship with, proposed in front of her toddler niece and nephews and a LARGE crowd of people at the aquarium. Even asked her nephew, “Do you want OP to be Auntie OP?” with the ring in hand. I said yes in public and then no privately. Never saw her again after that one.”
#15 Said “No” Because They Were Already Broken Up
“I had an exboyfriend that I hadn’t even seen or spoken to in 3 months show up to my parents’ house at 3am. My stepmom would stay up to all hours of the night watching tv so she saw his car lights when he pulled into the side driveway. She came and got me furious he was there and asked why I lied about breaking up with him. I had to explain we were broken up and I had no idea why he was there. When I went outside he was leaning on his car looking lovestruck and crazy. He told me that the universe wanted us together and it was cosmic fate. He then pulled out a frat boy bottle opener ring with a cat toy tied to it and told me he had an important question to ask me. I told him no flat out before he even asked. I pointed at his car and told him to go home. When he asked why I listed all the things that led me to break up with him including him dropping out of school multiple times and not having a job once during our 2 year relationship. He told me he did have a job now. When I asked where he worked, because I knew he was lying, he looked me in the eyes and said if he told me that he’d have to kill me. I had enough and told him to get the hell off my family’s property and he left reluctantly telling me he’d be back. I never saw him again but I heard through the grapevine that he told others that he had shown up in a tux with a huge diamond ring that I threw on the ground. I used to wonder what would have happened if my stepmom didn’t see his car pull up.
Sorry for typos, I’m on mobile.”
#16 Proposed After Being Caught Cheating
“He was proposing to show how he was fully committed and dedicated to me and only me after he was caught cheating.”
#17 They Have Been Dating For Just Only A Few Months
“About 3 or 4 months after we started dating he asked. It was a moment…we had a fun night out, a little buzzed, in a cab over the Williamsburg Bridge looking at the NYC skyline, weather was beautiful…I think we were both feeling immortal.
But I said, you know…I’m saying no now because we haven’t been dating so long and we’ve had a bit to drink and we’re just caught up in the moment. He seemed dejected. He was still dejected days later.
That said, a few years later after we’d been together long enough I said yes and we got hitched so we still got the happy ending!”
#18 She Felt Trapped And Forced
“He brought me up to his apartment about a 2 hour drive from my college. I was basically trapped there. He asked me while he was feeling insecure about the relationship and figured a proposal would lock me in place. I dodged it for a few days, but I needed to get back to classes and he wouldn’t take me back till I said yes. I figured he was a bright guy and would come to his senses eventually. He got me back to school. Eventually he realized that coercion is not a good proposal strategy.”
#19 She Had Zero Assumptions That They’d Get Married Or Even Stay Together After High School
“We were high school sweethearts. Even though we’d dated since the second month of our freshman year of high school, I had zero assumptions that we’d get married or even stay together after high school. Everyone including him was adamantly encouraging me to follow him to the university he was going to and I was dead set on going to a very different school that everyone deemed beneath me.
Our families held a joint graduation party for us at his family’s house after we did the official school walk/diploma thing. I was asked to grab something upstairs from his room. When I came back to the top of the stairs and looked down EVERY MEMBER (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, parents) of both of our families was standing on the bottom floor looking up at me expectantly as he knelt at the bottom of the stairs with the ring. I was shocked. I didn’t want to come down the stairs but I did, shaky-legs trembling from adrenaline. I started crying which was misinterpreted as a yes and everyone cheered. I grabbed him and ran out the front door. We talked and I told him we weren’t on the same page and I just couldn’t go back in there. He was devastated. I left the party.
Unbeknownst to everyone (including him) I was planning to leave to work abroad for the summer. I was keeping it a secret so that no one could talk me out of it and and I was going abroad primarily so I wouldn’t have to deal with more pressure to switch schools over the summer. So when I left the party, I decided that rather than wait to leave until the next morning, I’d just get my stuff together and go now. I was out of the house within the hour having left pre-written notes for everyone letting them know I’d contact them when I got where I was going.
Pretty much everyone was livid with me. I’ll admit that literally running away from the pressure and continued conversations I didn’t want to have was not the most grown up thing to do, but I still maintain it was the right thing for me to do. How many times can you calmly tell people to let you lead the life you want only to have them not listen to you and tell you they know better, insist you live your life according to their wishes? I’d reached my limit and that trip allowed me to assert my independence, find myself and my own voice. I came back a new person and I believe I’ve had a much a happier life for following my own path.”
Image source: outoffocusstars
#20 She Knew He Was An Alcoholic
“Childhood sweetheart and boyfriend in Paris asked me to marry him during a drunk night out. Said we should move to Vietnam and start a movie company. I thought he was joking. When I said no, he went on a 5 day drinking binge. I had said no because I knew he was alcoholic.
Well, fast forward 20yrs, he now lives in Vietnam, has a movie company, stopped drinking and happily married. Good on him! Apart from the alcoholism, he was a great guy! Glad he realized his dream.”
Image source: curious-experiences