20 People Share The Funny Stories Of Their First Date Deal-Breakers

Published 11 months ago

First dates are fun to get ready for. There’s a little nervousness about meeting someone for the first time. A few butterflies in the stomach. A little excitement and a lot of hope too. However, the actual reality of the date may be a massive letdown. When you finally meet the person and they turn out to be a boorish individual, it can make you want to run the opposite way as fast as possible. 

Indeed the only thing these horrible first dates are good for, are as an entertaining anecdote for the rest of us. Two Reddit threads, one created by HomeTattoo and another by Kiwicarebear are dedicated to rehashing these comically bad first dates. So scroll below for an amusing read of what turned people off the most when they first met the person and how it all went down.

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#1 Went on a date with a guy yesterday who was a christian (I’m an atheist, but that’s fine) and went on an unprompted monologue about how homosexuality is not God’s will (not fine). I am a man, we were both men, it was a gay date. It was very confusing.

Image source: anon, RDNE Stock project

#2 When she tries to spritz me with Holy Water since I was never baptized.

Image source: Anon, ROMAN ODINTSOV

#3 Being racist and sexist without realizing it and then kinda shaming you for what you are. I didn’t call her back.

Image source: 10_Virtues, cottonbro studio

#4 I wore heels on a blind date. The guy looked me up and down, then said “You know it’s rude to wear heels on a blind date right?” I said “I’m sorry I didn’t premeditate the fragility of your ego.” He back-peddled and begged me to stay for the meal. I had half a drink and had to walk out. When someone shows you their true colours, why waste anyone’s time after that?

Image source: candacelarissa, Luis Quintero

#5 From personal experience, casually dropping that the Earth is only a few thousand years old and rock stars get famous by making a deal with Satan. The worst part is the moment when you have to stop laughing because you realize it wasn’t a silly joke.

Image source: mildly_gone, Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas

#6 If in the midst of conversation you have to brag about how much your parents make or how they gave your brother an Audi, I’m done. I’m not saying coming from a rich family is bad, but if you feel a need to bring it up on the first date, I’m going to assume you have nothing better to bring to the table.

Image source: baconcheesescone, Jack Sparrow

#7 Dating in my teens and early 20’s I was naive and insecure. So loved it when a guy said I was so much better than his last girlfriend who was a b***h. Dating again in my 50’s (being wiser and secure with myself) my response to the ex-b***h story is, “What the hell did you do to her???”

Image source: kaffie27

#8 If they don’t like animals. I’ve always had dogs (have two right now) and went on a date once where he said he hated animals. I left shortly after.

Image source: anothersadpisces, Steshka Willems

#9 If it’s a one way conversation, me asking them questions and taking interest in their life and them asking none or minimal questions about me.

Image source: TheJadedSF, Ron Lach

#10

Had someone on a dating app using 20 year old pics, lying about her age to an extreme extent, she said she was 25, i was 19 and she asked if i minded dating older women. I didnt mind at all but she showed up and the first thing i thought of was “wow she takes really good pics” but I decided since i was already there might as well make the best of it.

I found out she was 49 and had a son older than me, because he ended up working at the bowling alley we went to, I thought she seemed a little uncomfortable when we arrived to the bowling alley but shrugged it off to her being nervous about an internet date. Until i went to go get some food and her son who WORKED AT THAT BOWLING ALLEY pulled me to the side to ask what I was doing with his mom, he told me she was 49 and married, and then the best part, he was 6 months older than me.

Image source: anon

#11

Being married.

Bringing your friend to the date because you were nervous.

Bragging about your knife collection at home.

Never knew these things would come up in the first dates I’ve been on, but here we are.

Image source: pelicanfriends, Brooke Cagle

#12 If they expect sex.

Fun story, I went on the WORST date a while ago. Guy seemed nice enough when we first met, but during the first date, I realized he was a total sleaze and maybe crazy? He asked me out of the blue if I was on birth control. When I said yes, he said, “sweet, that means I don’t have to wear a condom.”

I was so taken aback. Who says stuff like that? At that point, I knew I’d never touch him – not when a ten and a half foot pole – but I felt weirdly compelled to explain to him how stupid that was. I asked what he’d do if he knocked me up. “Oh, it’s no big deal. You’ll just get it taken care of, that’s all.” He didn’t understand that abortions aren’t cheap, easy to get, or fun. When I expressed that, he rolled his eyes and said condoms *weren’t fair to him* and that *having to wear a condom is a deal-breaker.*

I left that restaurant so fast I must’ve made his head spin. He tried to backtrack, said “maybe I can make an exception for you!” I declined and told him I wasn’t interested. Then he tried to call me up nine months later to hang out. Because “no girl in all of DC wants to go on a date and it’s so frustrating.” Uh… maybe because you’re gross and awful, dude? Also, this guy was 30. I’d expect this b******t from a teenager. Not a 30-year-old.

Image source: sleepyhollow_101, cottonbro studio

#13 Lying. If someone is significantly different from anything they have led me to believe prior to the first date I’m immediately not interested. I don’t really care that much about their weight, height, political leanings, religion, etc, but lie to me first thing and we’ve got nothing else to talk about.

Image source: almostahermit, Iwona Pytlowska

#14 Bad hygiene. Ended up nicknaming him halitosis boy.. Had a guy turn up to a date once like he hadn’t showered in months. He smelled so bad I had to lean back in my chair to get away from the smell. So gross. He was the worst but lots of guys make no effort to look or dress nice on a date too. Always makes me think… This is as good as it gets so that’s a nope!

Image source: SeaActiniaria, rayul

#15

Back before I met my bf, I went on a tinder date with a guy who was new to where I lived at the time. During conversation I mentioned offhand that there were certain places you didn’t want to walk after dark because a lot of people got mugged in those areas. This guy started mansplaning to me how it would be fine to walk there after dark, you just need to be confident, he’s a world traveler, nobody has ever bothered him etc. I was like, no dude trust me it isn’t safe, but he just kept talking over me. He seemed to view it as a challenge. He was arrogant in general but this was what made me make an excuse and leave the date early. Like ok dude, if you’re so tough then feel free to go get mugged

Image source: avocado_kowalski

#16

Well, one guy showed up to the wrong lunch location and made ME drive to meet him (I was working, he was not) – strike 1. I arrive and he gets out of his car wearing sweats (he made me wait over 2 hours while he got ready – strike 9). Is 7 inches shorter than he said he was (which isn’t a problem unless you LIE about it – strike 13). And then… he was missing some critical burger eating teeth (that’s not even a strike – at this point I was in for the entertainment value this would add). Then he got into a loud, long anti government rant that only paused when I realized my car was being broken into. I run outside and defend my car expecting my date to be gallantly by my side. He was not – he just sat in the booth content to let me fight off someone rummaging through my car. Strikes 1000-39276651.

Oh. And he cried twice.

And watching him eat a burger wasn’t even close to being as entertaining as I wanted it to be.

Image source: MissMurphysLaw, Louis Hansel

#17 Being constantly on their phone.

Image source: actualclaudemonet, Bibhash Banerjee

#18 Talking non-stop about wanting a “traditional” family where mom doesn’t work. Like sure, but that’s not me so move on. Or bringing up being an alpha male. Just no.

Image source: Cotheron, Tibor Pápai

#19 When they’re nice to you but not to the waiter. Because one day, you’ll be in the waiter’s position.

Image source: LongDiddly, Yan Krukau

#20 When he brings up his idealistic woman physically and I match none of those. For example, “All girls should have straight hair”.

Image source: dentduv, Priscilla Du Preez

Shanilou Perera

Shanilou has always loved reading and learning about the world we live in. While she enjoys fictional books and stories just as much, since childhood she was especially fascinated by encyclopaedias and strangely enough, self-help books. As a kid, she spent most of her time consuming as much knowledge as she could get her hands on and could always be found at the library. Now, she still enjoys finding out about all the amazing things that surround us in our day-to-day lives and is blessed to be able to write about them to share with the whole world as a profession.

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Dating, dating turn offs, deal breakers, first date, first date disaster, relationships
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