20 Times People Became Too Critical Of Their Spouse That Ended Up Damaging Their Marriage
There are many ups and downs in married life and people deal with it in different ways. Some folks manage to maintain a healthy relationship while others fail to hold each other’s hand through rough storms. One common reason for unsuccessful marriages is “constantly criticizing the spouse”. There is a thin line between constructive criticism and toxic criticism, and unfortunately, many people fail to understand that.
The control freaks who expect their partner to behave exactly the way they want usually end up losing their relationships. A Redditor named Millie Barnes posted her story of how and why she left her husband because he continuously demanded that she only cook the dinner he wanted and the way he wanted it. Many other Redditors shared their own experiences about their marriage breaking down due to similar reasons. Scroll below to read some of those stories.
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“My wife demanded I don’t dig the knife into the butter but scrape across the top. Marriage lasted 1 month. Funny thing is it was her idea to separate. She said she couldn’t be with someone who wouldn’t agree to her way of doing things. Also I think she may have been cheating on me.”
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“My mother told the story of my father pestering her to make stuffed peppers when they were first married.
She finally relented and made them. He ate the filling and left the peppers. That was the only time in her life that she made stuffed peppers.”
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“My ex would wake up and demand I give him a blow job and that I walk down to a local Taco Joe’s and get him some breakfast. That marriage didn’t last long, either. They wait until the wedding ring is on, then their true selves come out.”
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“Same year, 1971 my dad told my mum to put the dinner in the oven as he was out drinking. It was salad – he beat her badly for it and she said it was worth every punch. Obviously divorced shortly after!”
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“Reminds me of a story about my parents. My mom is from Missouri, dad from California. Shortly after they got married, my dad said he wanted some avocados. Mom has never even seen one before, and asked my dad how to prepare it. Dad was a smart a*s, so he just said to bake it, thinking my mom was joking. Mom split an avocado in half, baked it until basically charcoal, and when dad started laughing at her, she threw it on his plate and said if he didn’t eat it, the next thing he tasted would be the pan she had in her hand. My dad ate it, and never again in almost 50 yrs of marriage specifically requested avocado.”
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“I know a couple that divorced because their washer broke. She was a sahm, and he did coal mining. When she’d been trying to wash the coal dust out of his clothes in the bathtub for a month, she got upset. The last straw was him getting a bonus and buying a new tv instead of a washer.”
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“My father was one of these people. We had to do everything according to his desires. As an example he made my brothers and I mow the lawn with clippers instead of using a lawn mower. And there are many more examples that I won’t bore you with. It was ridiculous. All of our friends made fun of us.
After that childhood, no one was ever going to rule my life again. I ran away at 16 and never looked back. Now everyone in my life knows that I do things my own way and have no expectations that anyone ever do anything ‘my’ way. What an exhausting way to live.”
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“The wife of a couple I know was married once before. Her ex was a real prick and would get drunk and beat her. One day she cooked him a stroganoff from a jar. What she didn’t realise was the jar had been opened and the sauce gave him food poisoning and put him in hospital for four days. The next time he beat her, she went and bought a jar, opened the lid and put it back in the cupboard.”
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“My old college friend married up to an intelligent, kind, lovely woman. They were both teachers. Sincere young people. But not long after the wedding, knowing chili was one of his favorite meals, she made it as a surprise for him for dinner.
Dumb sh*t that he was, he spent the entire meal telling her how to make it better. They’ve been married for more than 40 years and have two beautiful adult daughters, but when he wants chili, he has to make it himself, because she has never made it since.”
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“I asked my new husband how come I always have to make the bed!!? He sweetly said, well when I get up you are still sleeping in it. I hadn’t thought that one through.”
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“In honor of the Holidays, imma share my story. I had worked 12 hour shifts all week, decorated the house, bought stupid toys the kids wanted and spent all day cooking festive meal (Turkey, sides, desserts, blah blah blah…) I was tiiiiiired. When I told my then husband I was tired, he said “I don’t know why you even bothered. Me and the kids would have been happy with grilled cheese sandwiches.”
A beautiful snow globe of a light bulb went off above my head. I gazed at him in wonder, and replied “For once, you are right. I don’t know why I bother either.” After that day, I packed up whatever sh!t I could fit in my car, took the kids and left. Fast forward 20 years and I still dislike Christmas.
Sincerely, Mrs. Grinch”
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“I had to laugh at this. When I got married my wife became a stay at home and I was insistent that my laundry be done a certain way. Well guess who’s been doing his own laundry for the last 11 years. Still married and still get the occasional opportunity to apologize for it, but damn I wish I could send a letter to my younger self that simply says, “say thank you and shut up”!”
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“I had to chuckle when I read this post. I too married in 1971 and my marriage also lasted only a year and a half. Ex was a misogynistic ex marine and I was naive while still learning my own life boundaries. He showed me how to fold all his clothes ”properly” including his underwear and t-shirts and exactly how they were to be placed in the drawers. He also wouldn’t ”let me” advance my nursing practice with more education. Yep…dumped his controlling a*s. UGH”
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“On a related note, does anybody else think it is wrong when the person who never actually DOES a chore criticizes or refuses any attempts to make said chore easier?
I often tell of my dad’s grandpa who had a Category 5 melt down when my dad bought his grandma a washing machine. She was SEVENTY years old and still doing laundry twice a week IN THE BATHTUB. It took HOURS and physical strength she clearly no longer had. The reason he was losing his sh*t? The “expensive” laundry soap the machine would need. THE SAME DAMN LAUNDRY SOAP she was already using in the bathtub for the last 30 years.”
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“My ex used to tell me in the morning what he wanted for dinner that night, then he would come home and start screaming at me for cooking it because he had changed his mind about what he wanted over the course of the day (but couldn’t be bothered to call me and tell me). Then he would storm out of the house and go have dinner at a restaurant or at his parents’ house. AFTER having thrown away whatever I was cooking so I couldn’t eat it. He would tell me that I wasn’t allowed to eat supper because I’d messed it up for him. Of course after he left I would order a pizza or run out to McDonald’s or Subway and get myself something and make sure he didn’t find out.
I only found out years later that he was using it as an excuse to spend his evenings with other women rather than at home with me. He had to make me feel like it was my fault that he wasn’t at home in the evenings. And his parents knew he was doing it and covered up for him for years.”
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“Oh boy. I got married in 2017. He knew beforehand I didnt want kids but apparently after we got married, he thought that would change for some reason. He told me he wouldnt allow me to change my birth control out(implant in the arm) so we could have kids. I left him a few months later. Insane.
Have an amazing boyfriend now. Although, scared to get married so he’s okay waiting for a while.”
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“Sounds a lot like my dad when he told me that I should “stop giving a sh*t” once I got married. Nowadays hes blocked on everything and divorced. Had “family therapy” where he claimed everything he did to my mother was fine because it was “what adults do.” Some people are f*cked up.”
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“I cook in my relationship (cisM [me] married to a cisF [spouse]), the arrangement is I cook, she cleans. It is my responsibility to be mindful of how many dishes I make, and she tells me if the food sucks.
She had her grandmother’s pierogi recipe that she want to make for turkey day and it makes like 8 dozen wrappers, but only 4 dozen fillings. She got very upset when I asked about making a different filling to put some variety in them. I mean I felt like I was just trying to be creative with my solution to the problem but apparently I really hit a bad nerve.
I guess my point is, you need to know what your place in the dynamic is. Know when to push back, and know when to accommodate. But it should never feel one sided.”
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There’s a GREAT story about the beginnings of a marriage and now the tone was set.
A woman in the Midwest got married some time in the nineteen-forties, guessing from the context. After the wedding, the bride took her new husband’s hand and said, “We are married. I am your wife. There are some things I won’t put up with.”
“If you ever raise a hand to me, one night when you are sleeping I will sew you* into the sheets and beat you to death with a frying pan.”
The rest of the story is this, told by a grandchild: “Grampa was always the kindlest, gentlest man I ever knew.”
*The asterisk is to tell you I recognize that this is a slightly archaic activity and you may not have heard of it. It has to do with creating clothing out of cloth.
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My ex-FIL nearly had a stroke when my then husband cheerfully volunteered to change our newborn’s diaper. I think he was trying to impress his mom. Anyway, the FIL angrily told him “No!! You’ve got to teach her that men don’t do women’s work, or you’ll be stuck doing everything forever.” I filed for divorce when our baby was 18 months old. I’m not cleaning up after a grown a*s adult. He would put all his trash on top of the refrigerator. I opened the freezer and empty Sprite cans and cigarette packets rained down on me.
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