25 Of The Worst Ways In Which Men Weaponized Incompetence
Most men seem to expect women to magically know how to cook and clean as though they were born with an internal manual that tells them how to do these things. Even when these men get married and start a family, they rely on their wives to ensure the general upkeep of the house and don’t seem interested in learning anything themselves.
Is it so hard to learn something new? Most women seem capable of figuring it out. Yet many women still find that their husbands expect a mother instead of a partner. Recently, one woman ranted online about her frustration dealing with her husband’s “weaponized incompetence” of being unable to manage cooking a ‘Mac and cheese’. The vent session resonated with many women who responded with their own frustrations of dealing with men who act like they are unable to handle the most basic of tasks.
#1 My ex always used the “but you’re better at it” excuse. Even the day after my appendectomy, and almost immediately after I had both of our children.
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When my now-husband first moved in with me and my boys I kept being surprised at the clothes that magically washed and folded themselves, and at how less often I had to drop whatever I was doing to attend to my 3-yr old’s random needs and demands. It’s amazing getting to live with another fully functioning adult who just does the s**t that needs done.
#2 So my adult daughter told me recently she could never understand why her dad and I argued so frequently and hotly over rice when she was growing up. Then she learned about weaponized incompetence.
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I would work 10 hour shifts and come home to the expectation that I immediately cook rice (to go with the dinner I put in the crock pot before work, of course). Fam, it was *Minute Rice*. Literally boil water and pour the rice into it. And he just…couldn’t. Wouldn’t. Expected and demanded that I do it. One of many reasons that he is an ex husband.
#3 My thinking has always been, if its a task required for being alive (cooking, laundry, sewing buttons, changing tires, etc) its neither a woman’s or a man’s “job”. It’s just a JOB that needs to be done and everyone should know how to do it. There was a metric c**p ton of things I didn’t know how to do before my kids were born, I just learned them because it needed to be done.
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#4 My husband tried saying he didn’t know how to work our washing machine. I asked, ‘In the six years you were single and living alone, you never washed your clothes?’ ‘Yeah, but that washing machine was different!’ There are literally instructions under the lid, with pictures.
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#5 My thoughts always go to the man who can disassemble and reassemble a car engine but can’t figure out how to turn on a vacuum cleaner. (yes, it’s exaggerated but it’s this mindset of men and their weaponized incompetence that they want to try to get away with.)
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#6 I used to tell my boys – there’s only one difference between you and your sisters, and you don’t use that to hold a vacuum cleaner.
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#7 My favorite saying always works here. “Pretend I’m dead. What would you do?” I will not allow the weaponized incompetence.
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#8 Talking of weaponized incompetence…My boyfriend leaves most things up to me to complete when to do with bills, or anything electronic.
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We went on vacation (that I planned completely). His only job I gave him was to check us in for the return flight home. He literally flung his arms up in the air and said “I don’t know how to do this. It’s asking me a bunch of questions.” Me: ” Okay, they are only yes and no questions. They aren’t hard”. Him: “I don’t know, are we citizens?” Like….dude. Come on.
#9 If my husband pulls that “oh how do you do *simple task*”, I remind him he has THREE degrees, so I have every faith in him to figure it out.
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#10 I asked my ex to finish making the pizza while I finished a task. He kept yelling what’s next… even though he worked in the kitchen of a pizza place for years…
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#11 When our eldest was still an infant, my husband and I were arguing because I was pissed that he didn’t do any of their care without being asked. When things were really whipped up and heated, he had the nerve to say, “but you’re so much better at it!” So I screamed, “THEN GET GOOD! Jesus Christ, you think I instinctively knew any of this s**t, or enjoy changing dirty diapers? Man the F**K UP!” Most of his weaponized incompetence pretty much stopped that day.
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#12 Many, many years ago my husband complained he didn’t have clean underwear. I asked him why he didn’t wash a load and he said he didn’t know how the washer worked. The directions for the washer were on the inside of the lid. My response was: you read blueprints for a living and you can’t read the instructions for the washer? He’s always had clean underwear since.
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#13 We got an air fryer for Christmas a few years back. I unpacked it and my (soon to be ex) husband wanted to make something with it. I pointed to the counter and said “the quick start guide is over there” he got snippy with me and said “I don’t need the quick start guide!!” Then a few moments later asked me if I knew how to preheat it.
Mother f****r.
I pointed to the counter again and said, loudly and with force “the quick start guide…is over there”
So glad we’re divorcing.
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#14 “Ok, but if I don’t do it right, you’re gonna be mad”.
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#15 I got asked the other day if the dishes in the dishwasher were clean while I was on the couch in the living room and he was literally standing next to the dishwasher. I about lost my mind. Dude’s a doctor for f**ks sake.
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#16 Can I suggest saying what I say to my kids: “what have you done to solve this problem before coming to me?” When the answer is inevitably nothing, follow up with “please try to solve it on your own and then if your plans still run into trouble, ask me again.”.
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#17 I usually slice up the fresh loaf of bread I bake, but one day, my stbx came to me, “The bread isn’t sliced.” I responded with, “I trust you to figure it out.” He did NOT like that.
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#18 My dad will literally just skip meals if my mom isn’t around to cook for him (and Taco Bell is closed, lol). Once, she angrily asked how he would feed himself if she dropped dead. His answer was, ‘Your mom would feed me.’
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#19 My ex once got out of the shower to ask which bottle was the shampoo. I told him it was the one that said shampoo on it, and he told me he hadn’t read them.
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#20 Mine asked me how to make hot chocolate. Dear readers, he is an accomplished cook with cooking classes under his belt and makes high end cuisine. F*****G HOT CHOCOLATE. Like how do you even answer that without sounding condescending? You…scoop the powder in the cup and add hot milk, honey. I’ll never get over that one.
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#21 I once said about the washing machine – There are 3 buttons. If it explodes and you die, I will mourn you. He figured it out.
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#22 Once I was sick in bed and asked my then boyfriend to make me some (boxed) Mac and cheese. He brought to me cooked and dry noodles with the cheese powder “mixed” in. It looked a little weird so I asked how he made it.
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He didn’t add any milk or butter. When I told him he had to add other ingredients not just what’s in the box he was flabbergasted exclaiming that he didn’t know how to make it, how was he supposed to know. It’s literally on the box. He then refused to add milk or butter saying it was fine. Obviously no longer my boyfriend.
#23 My entire first marriage happened before I learned about weaponized incompetence. If I had known sooner that marriage would have gone differently.
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When we were sending out wedding invitations, I wanted them addressed by hand. I thought it would be nice if he addressed the one to my parents. He made me sit beside him and dictate the address and spelling of the names. That’s not too bad, he really was dyslexic.
But he appeared to have forgotten how to write! He was writing in big, poorly drawn letters like a first grader. I was so confused, because he had normal handwriting. I literally asked if he’d hit his head. He did finally get what he wanted, I did missed him and did all the work myself.
It wasn’t until years later that it clicked. He was just flat out faking, to get out of it. Head injury occurred to me before faking. No wonder he chose me, I never saw it coming.
#24 I always respond “what does google say?” And “if I didn’t know I would Google it, try that” Because they’re essentially asking us to be their personal search engine anyway.
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#25 My Scottish STBX came out of the kitchen holding a bag of oatmeal and interrupted my peace to ask how to make oatmeal – and the instructions were on the bag. Rage inducing!
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Got wisdom to pour?