20 Women Recall Realising Why Their Partners Were Dumped Before
It certainly isn’t getting any easier to date. Especially now that the dating pool has narrowed down to folks who’ve been around the block a couple of times and have some experience under their belts.
Strangely enough, though one would think experience would make someone better at something, it doesn’t always appear to be the case. The Ask Women community members on Reddit recently got together to discuss the moment they understood why their partner had been dumped before. Scroll below to read some of the most interesting responses found on the thread.
#1 He claimed his wife just wanted a divorce for no reason and wouldn’t discuss it with him.
It eventually became clear to me that he was combative, argumentative, and a perpetual blameshifter. Everything was always somehow my fault and no hill was too small to die on. The man could not be reasoned with or persuaded on anything and he always knew best, even when it came to things that I had degrees in.
And then I understood why his wife had effectively ghosted him and just filed for divorce.
He is now my ex, too.
#2 Not my current but one of my exes. He had the friendzone curse with many of the women in his life. He never had a relationship last longer than a few months, and he was 27.
At first, I didn’t get the friendzone or his lack of long relationships- he was decently attractive, a lot of fun, and a good friend. As time went on, he started to make comments about how much happier I’ll be once I lose another xyz amount of weight. He was never sexually satisfied, no matter the frequency.
I met his parents, and his mom decided that I wasn’t good enough for her son. After seeing the insane amount of privilege he came from, and this reinforcement that nothing would ever be good enough for him, I understood why girls never stuck around. When he broke up with me, he got right back on dating apps. He had the balls to complain to me about dating a southern belle, who didn’t work, and how he had to pay for everything.
Am I supposed to feel bad for you, guy? Last I heard, he’s still single.
Not my current SO but when he got mad at me for asking him to take the trash out. (He had been unemployed for 3 months and gamed all day, didn’t clean or cook or help with anything.) So he proceeded to slam his headset into the floor, throw the chair across the room and was screaming at me that he wanted to finish his match. I just kept cooking dinner and ignored him which pissed him off more so he said he hoped me and my unborn child would die. I cut it off right then and there. Been a little over a year now and haven’t looked back. Wish I would have listened to his exes instead of being manipulated into thinking they were just bitter.
#4 He had a child with his ex so we dealt with her on a daily basis. She was extremely hostile and dramatic, and he kept telling me stories from when they were together that made her sound completely nuts, abusive even.
A couple of months into our relationship, he cheated on me, on our bed, while I was at work. He expressed no empathy at all when I found out. He refused to look me in the eye, acted visibly pissed that he got caught, refused to give me the answers that I needed and claimed that it was no big deal. That’s when I understood.
#5 He told me he liked to do things out of spite.
Example: his ex had a problem with the amount of porn he was consuming, and it was making her insecure after having gained a lot of weight after their 2nd child and BRAIN SURGERY. He said the *second* she left the house he’d start watching porn “just to spite her”. But he would have convos with her, according to him, where he told her he understood and wouldn’t do it anymore and then just do it til she caught him again and fought over it. I realized I had told him my insecurity really early on. Guess who was being lied to and cheated on out of spite? I guess?
#6 He was super cheap , spent all his time and money on his car. Used excuses like he didn’t believe in holidays … so that he didn’t have to buy any gifts ever / also had an attitude- made it seem like a chore when he got me 1 flower. But would quickly and happily go pay xxx amount of a money on something for his vehicle. Also consistently cancelled dates last minute to clean, and shine his car. I told him to go date his car.
#7 Our first date was a picnic in the park. I brought a particularly fancy wedge of smoked Gouda I probably overpaid for. When I pulled it out of the picnic basket he took it and chomped right into the wedge and ate almost half of it in one bite. My jaw dropped.
Also he though women pee out of their vagina. Luckily he was willing and eager to learn things and now he knows a lot more about the female anatomy and not eating half a wedge of Gouda in one bite. We’re still together and it’s been almost four years now.
#8 His mom was always in our business and he was basically still on her tit. I see why his ex “estranged him from his family”.
#9 After living with my ex-boyfriend…. god, even his ex-gf tried to warn me countless of times… I just thought she didn’t want to let him go… he was a literal giant man baby… never took responsibility for anything, never made something for himself… leeched off of my success… gaslighted me… I’m actually really glad I caught him cheating… it gave me the push to finally leave. Now I’m doing a hell of a lot better than ever before
#10 After 1 year together, my bf started showing his other side. He’s super clingy and has separation anxiety, which leads to being over-controlling most of the time. He transforms into a new individual when he consumes alcohol. He becomes very aggressive and violent.
#11 My ex told me he divorced his wife because he confessed his affair with the babysitter. Then he said to me, ‘It’s not my fault she hired a hot babysitter.’
#12 I was driving around with an ex and got very hungry. So we stopped for a pie and I ate it in the car. He looks over at me and laughs and says I must really like you because you’re the first person to eat in my car. He proceeds to tell me one time his ex bought a sandwich and opened it in the car, he asked her to wait until she gets home to eat it, she refused, so he stopped the car, asked her to get out and drove off. Needless to say it didn’t last very long after that story.
#13 Not my current(three years and he’s still the best and getting better), but my ex, HOOBOY.
He was great at first! So kind and supportive!
The first thing that made me think “yeah, I get why he got dumped” was when I suggested two sci-fi shows in a row(he was obsessed with Stargate so I thought he’d be into it), he said “do you consume any serious media or only childish things?”
Then he wanted me to do ALL of his housework. He started to belittle every interest and hobby I had saying it was boring or stupid or immature. Treated me like an idiot, except, of course, when he wanted me to proofread and help edit his writing. He had a bachelors in English and masters in writing and rhetoric, and I never went to college and got huffy if I criticized any of his writing because OBVIOUSLY he knew better. He’d have me make spreadsheets with info on literary agents.
Idk why I stayed so long. The final straw was when he said I’m not good enough for him. So I was like “ok bye” and he got surprise pikachu face and said “I thought you’d change for me!”
He made really good stew though. I miss the stew but not the man.
#14 He divorced his wife of a year claiming she didn’t do ‘wifely duties’ and got lazy in their relationship. It took me six months to see he didn’t do any ‘spousal duties’ either nor provided me with any emotional connection. AND he was lazy the entire relationship. So I realized it wasn’t his ex-wife. I kinda noticed a pattern of him manipulating the narrative of the women in his life
#15 When I realised he was one of those guys who once they have the title of ‘boyfriend’ they think it means they can stop putting any effort into the relationship. Like you’re a trophy to be won. I had to hint at basic things (like buying me a birthday card and present) and half the time he couldn’t even be bothered to do that. He was late pretty much all the time and never properly apologised for it.
It got to a point where I’d ask myself why am I even spending time with this guy? He makes me miserable. Sad as at first in our relationship it was magical – I’d count down the days to seeing him, we couldn’t get enough of each other. But he lost his way and it became a chore to have to go visit him – which I had to do as we were a ‘official couple’. He’d make me feel worse after visiting him than I originally did before seeing him. I had a lightbulb moment where I questioned ‘why keep doing this to myself?’ I wouldn’t hang out with a selfish friend who made me feel like c**p. Part of me blames societal pressure – this constant need to be paired up with someone otherwise no one will value you or find you attractive.
Then after his s****y attitude he had the cheek to get all ‘I’m a victim, poor me’ when I broke up with him. I told him ‘you are responsible for this don’t try to turn it around on me’.
My current fiancé’ is a professional chef. He used to do restaurant work, which included changing jobs frequently, lots of late nights, and partying after work. He had no health insurance or retirement, and worked a lot of weekends. One of the reasons his ex broke up with him was because she didn’t feel like he was a stable enough partner to have children with, and she wanted kids. She ended up leaving him for a coworker of hers. Three months after we started dating, he got a new job working as a corporate chef. He now basically works banker’s hours with holidays and weekends off, he carries our health insurance, and makes almost twice as much money as I do. He wants to open his own restaurant one day, but only if he’s in the financial position to do so. Honestly, if he hadn’t switched jobs so early in our relationship, I 100% would have come to the same conclusion as she did.
He also has ADHD, which drove his ex crazy, but only mildly annoys me (fellow ADHDer over here).
#17 Disclaimer: I’m not with this guy. I was dating a guy that was super weird about food.
Always asking me to pick him up food, never asking me if I wanted anything/offering me food. Always complaining about his finances but spending $40+ per meal and eating out for every meal. He kept mentioning his ex girlfriend whenever food came up but never went much into detail. Found out that their relationship ended when he made an elaborate dish for her- without checking if she was available to come over- and when upon texting her and telling (TELLING, not asking) her to come over and learning that she wasn’t available that evening, HE BURNT DOWN HIS HOUSE. No food is worth that, I noped out of there real quick after.
#18 When I was crying begging him to buy me flowers or even kiss me on valentines day and he just went inside the house and played video games til 3am.
Not my current, but my ex. He had domestic violence charges against him from his ex, but upon us getting to know each other, he showed me all the “proof” that she was lying. The case was thrown out by the judge and he was never formally prosecuted for it. I was 19, he was 24. I was naïve and believed him. About two years into our relationship, he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. He was yelling at me over some weird delusion he had that I was cheating on him. (I wasn’t). He screamed, punched the wheel, and threated to drive off the bridge we were on.
Ooooooh. I get it.
After we moved in together and he started rejecting me physically, even hugs.
And I found myself doing everything.
Then I was looking at his oldest screenshots that synched to a new iPad and saw a ton of screenshot arguments from years ago with his ex before me
Me and her sound identical. I can see why she did what she did. She was a victim to his immaturity and arrogance too. I feel bad, and I also feel seen. And I guess sad to know he can’t really change.